For those of you who have been in therapy-

has it helped? I understand how talking about it could relieve some pressure and stuff, but did therapy actually help you cope, make you happier, etc?

Kinda, not really.

Therapy only gives you the tools and skills to help yourself.
None of them are really very good at actually helping you along in life, because that requires a deep level of commitment and love.

I supposed they've helped me to find my own way a little bit from time to time, but none of them actually helped me much at all.

It's your family and friends and support network that is going to help you in life, your loved ones.

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to answer this or not but, I've had a bit of cou celling for depression amd some reason when I was a kid, don't really remember muh about that ti.e. And the councelling never really helped me for my depression, all it did was give me so.ething else to think about and allow me ti.e away from the bad thoughts enough that I could help muself. Now, I presume you're talking about therapy for paraphilia, on which I can't comment as the forum are the only people I've told and I intend it to stay that way. But I don't imagine it being any different.

Hope I've helped.

I went to a sex therapist for a time. It was not helpful because I wasn't ready to talk about things in the manner the therapist approached the issue. So I stopped going.

More recently, I've been seeing a counsellor and then a psychologist, but this has been for general life issues rather than specifically related to sex. They have used a more practical (less psychoanalytic) approach, which I prefer. It has helped somewhat but I think I am still learning how to get help in this way. I don't think I'm very good at listening and taking in what I'm being told. I'm better at talking. But just the talking is helpful because it gives me an opportunity to collect my thoughts and express myself.

So far I think it has helped me to gain perspective and made me calmer. I think I still need to work at a few things and I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes me another year or two to achieve a peace of mind that I'm satisfied with. Realistically, I expect ‘contentment’ is something that I may always have to work at, rather than a state I can reach and then forget about.


It seems many people are afraid to ask for help with paraphilias and sex-related issues, which I think is unfortunate.

For me it never really helped, I guess because no one supports me. All my therapists always stick to saying I am confused about who I am and so everyone goes along with it and than no one really helps. The most important thing when having a therapist is to also have a support system, your family, closest friends. Even a pillow if you will!

Platypus wrote:I went to a sex therapist for a time. It was not helpful because I wasn't ready to talk about things in the manner the therapist approached the issue. So I stopped going.

More recently, I've been seeing a counsellor and then a psychologist, but this has been for general life issues rather than specifically related to sex. They have used a more practical (less psychoanalytic) approach, which I prefer. It has helped somewhat but I think I am still learning how to get help in this way. I don't think I'm very good at listening and taking in what I'm being told. I'm better at talking. But just the talking is helpful because it gives me an opportunity to collect my thoughts and express myself.

So far I think it has helped me to gain perspective and made me calmer. I think I still need to work at a few things and I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes me another year or two to achieve a peace of mind that I'm satisfied with. Realistically, I expect ‘contentment’ is something that I may always have to work at, rather than a state I can reach and then forget about.


It seems many people are afraid to ask for help with paraphilias and sex-related issues, which I think is unfortunate.

I probably shouldn't be replying, because I have the same question you do. Are therapists really effective? I think the appropriate way to choose a therapists is to to do your research. Pick a therapists that fits you. Do you want a psychologists, a psychiatrists, or a sex therapists? Are you ready to open up to a complete stranger? That is the only advice I can give you.

Also, in relation to the quote above, I think contentment is something every one works to achieve. That is everyone's first initial goal. Happiness is something we have to fight for. If you are not satisfied with your therapists, then keep looking. Always stay positive. Negativity and isolation can have extremely powerful effects. You realize that when you get depressed. Just keep moving forever upward. You can always send me a private message.

Anon539 wrote:Hi, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to answer this or not but, I've had a bit of cou celling for depression amd some reason when I was a kid.

I'm curious about therapy of all types, whether someone goes for anxiety or depression or for paraphilias. I'm just curious if it helps, because I always hear mixed reviews. I'd go mainly for my paraphilia, but I have a whole host of other problems too, so anyone who's been in any kind of therapy is welcome to answer.

Thanks Road-runner. I agree that picking a therapist that fits you is important. I find it hard to open up in a genuine way, so that is one of the things I have to work on. By talking a lot, I can control the conversation and avoid uncomfortable questions that I may not want to answer. I've found it helps to have a drink in my hands, like a cup of hot tea. I can take a sip of my drink to slow me down and take a moment to connect with what I'm feeling and saying, rather than talking non-stop on autopilot.

I think it's like what Tabs wrote - that therapists give you the tools and skills to help yourself. They're not like a chiropractor who will fix your back for you. You have to do the mending yourself. But they can show you where you are hurting yourself and show you ways to heal yourself.

I agree that happiness is something we all have to fight for. I suppose I just realise that I am prone to rumination and negative thoughts, so this will always be a weakness for me. (Whereas other people who don't have these traits may find it easier to be happy.) I'm good at a few things but contentment is not one of them.

I like Simontheo's point that family and friends can be a support system, but I would add that people on the internet, such as people here, can also offer some support. Sometimes you have to shout for help, but there are people who will listen if you look for them.