Depression over pedophilia ruining my life. Please help :(

Hello,

I am an 18 year old male college student and scared that I am a paedophile I only recently turned 18, and ever since I turned 18 my anxiety really grew as I realise I'm not a kid anymore. I only realised I had these feelings from about 16 onwards, but at that time it didn't really bother me as I thought that it would be something that I grew out of but it seems like I'm going to live like this for the rest of my life. I am gay, and attracted to boys only of around 12-15 years old. I do not find any younger than 12 attractive at all, but at the same time I rarely like boys 16+, unless they're ''young looking'' if you know what I mean? What I find really weird and confusing about all of this, is that not once have I felt like I want a relationship with someone of that age, and not once thought about sex and therefore I am confident that I would never act out on my attraction. In fact, I think I'm 'asexual' in the sense that it isn't the sex that I am remotely interested in. I would happily die a virgin. However, whenever I see a boy I like of that age, I can't help but stare and think how attractive they are. I would never look at child porn as it isn't the sex or anything like that that I find arousing, however I do look at innocent images such as Nudism etc. Is this a really bad thing to do and should I stop it? I guess I have to satisfy my sexual desires in one way or another, and it's not harming anybody, is it?:/

When I was 16, although I found boys younger than me attractive, not once did I have real strong attraction. However, when I was 17, I began masturbating for the first time and it was over a 14 year old boy. Since then, it feels like my head has gone crazy and I have a much stronger attraction! Is this a normal thing to experience? I always beat myself up and wish I masturbated for the first time over a girl/someone acceptable and maybe I wouldn't be who I am today

I feel so depressed over this as there's no one you can talk to as no one really understands so I thought I'd share my story with you guys and hope for any advice?

Thanks

I've got a few things to say. The first is that at the very worst, you could be described as a hebephile. Now, I'm not entirely convinced that's the case because you don't actually desire sex. I think that something is likely wrong if you only started masturbating at age 16. That, coupled with the fact that you haven't thought about sex with the very people you're "attracted to" tells me that you may have some hormonal imbalances. Of course, I'm certainly no medical professional, but I think it makes sense.

Can you tell us how often you masturbate? I know someone else who is entirely asexual, but finds boys around the ages of 7-10 really cute, and he really admires them. The thing is, he masturbates very infrequently, and according to him, he's never actually felt "horny." Rather, he seems to do it maybe once every week or two simply because it feels good. He didn't even really understand the concept of a sex drive when I explained it to him. I think it's very possible that he may also be suffering from some hormonal imbalances. Of course, anyone here is invited to correct me (I strongly encourage it if anyone think's I'm wrong about all of this), but I think that it may be smart to see a doctor and have some blood work done.

Its not pedophilia. If your attracted to children older than 13, then your not a Pedophile.

Musicman wrote:I've got a few things to say. The first is that at the very worst, you could be described as a hebephile. Now, I'm not entirely convinced that's the case because you don't actually desire sex. I think that something is likely wrong if you only started masturbating at age 16. That, coupled with the fact that you haven't thought about sex with the very people you're "attracted to" tells me that you may have some hormonal imbalances. Of course, I'm certainly no medical professional, but I think it makes sense.

Can you tell us how often you masturbate? I know someone else who is entirely asexual, but finds boys around the ages of 7-10 really cute, and he really admires them. The thing is, he masturbates very infrequently, and according to him, he's never actually felt "horny." Rather, he seems to do it maybe once every week or two simply because it feels good. He didn't even really understand the concept of a sex drive when I explained it to him. I think it's very possible that he may also be suffering from some hormonal imbalances. Of course, anyone here is invited to correct me (I strongly encourage it if anyone think's I'm wrong about all of this), but I think that it may be smart to see a doctor and have some blood work done.

Thanks a lot, that was really interesting. Just looked up hormonal imbalances and I do have some (not all) of the symptoms so maybe it's worth a check.

Sure. I masterbate 1-2 times a day, so quite frequently. I think it might be because I'm new to it and maybe just a phase if you know what I mean? I remember at school when I was 13/14ish, people always used to talk about it and I always felt a bit left out. They probably don't masturbate as much now that they are my age, whereas I'm just starting. Another thing that I see linked with my problem is that my penis has barely grown since I was that age and that's the age that I am attracted to. Is there any link?

Thanks!

Taulant14 wrote:Its not pedophilia. If your attracted to children older than 13, then your not a Pedophile.

Yep, that's true. Look up pedophilia on wikipedia; it explains everything you need to know. I think society has twisted the meaning of the word depending on local age consent laws. For example in the UK the age of consent is 16. I know a lot of people who would consider a relationship with someone under the age of 16 pedophilic (if that's even a word).
Recently my friend was accused of being a pedophile for suggesting he was attracted to a 15 year old girl.
The general population is misinformed.

kasey11 wrote:

Taulant14 wrote:Its not pedophilia. If your attracted to children older than 13, then your not a Pedophile.

Yep, that's true. Look up pedophilia on wikipedia; it explains everything you need to know. I think society has twisted the meaning of the word depending on local age consent laws. For example in the UK the age of consent is 16. I know a lot of people who would consider a relationship with someone under the age of 16 pedophilic (if that's even a word).
Recently my friend was accused of being a pedophile for suggesting he was attracted to a 15 year old girl.
The general population is misinformed.

But what you are describing is just confusion for semantics. Pedophile or not, attraction to a 15 year old by an adult is morally questionable at best.

Harpua99 wrote:But what you are describing is just confusion for semantics. Pedophile or not, attraction to a 15 year old by an adult is morally questionable at best.

Not in Europe...

Harpua99 wrote:

kasey11 wrote:

Taulant14 wrote:Its not pedophilia. If your attracted to children older than 13, then your not a Pedophile.

Yep, that's true. Look up pedophilia on wikipedia; it explains everything you need to know. I think society has twisted the meaning of the word depending on local age consent laws. For example in the UK the age of consent is 16. I know a lot of people who would consider a relationship with someone under the age of 16 pedophilic (if that's even a word).
Recently my friend was accused of being a pedophile for suggesting he was attracted to a 15 year old girl.
The general population is misinformed.

But what you are describing is just confusion for semantics. Pedophile or not, attraction to a 15 year old by an adult is morally questionable at best.

Why do you think finding a 15 year old attractive is morally questionable?

Harpua99 wrote:But what you are describing is just confusion for semantics. Pedophile or not, attraction to a 15 year old by an adult is morally questionable at best.

Morally questionable? I like babies, but most people here agree that it's only 'questionable' what you do with it. 15 year olds are developed and legal in a lot of countries, being attracted to them is nothing wrong. I'll never see the appeal to them, but they've got all their parts working and that's usually what a man wants in a woman.

And yes, there is a big difference between being attracted to a post pubescent person and an pre pubescent one. The definition of pedophilia is being attracted to pre pubescent persons. Just because something is illegal to do doesn't mean it's wrong to think about, I'm sure plenty of perfectly normal folks have seen a good looking 17 year old before.