Losing The Fight

what's reason for all this
I'm a Pedophile
A sick abomination on this earth
I have made everyone around me miserable because of the way I have to deal with this rotten disease
all I manage to do is sink further into drug addiction which has further pushed my sanity to the edge
and i don't care
I don't have very much longer to go
rather be strung out on some high then deal with this pain
it's all over
just going to rot in this room until my time is up
reality is fading fast
everything around is falling apart
I hate myself i just want to die

I'm not a paedophile, but I do know how it feels to see yourself as a sick abomination on this Earth.

I've also been at a point where I couldn't imagine living on because of my paraphilia.

I'm not sure what to say to you, other than you're far from alone in having a deviated sexuality, and that there's so much more to life than these attractions that we have. Don't let this thing define your existence.

I've been in your place before, I understand. It doesn't rule you, remember that. You can overcome this, and I urge you to seek help for your addiction. Learn not to feel shame for things you haven't done, if you haven't hurt any children, why should you punish yourself so? Learning to trust yourself with help you live a daily life much less painful.

Please, PM me. I'll try my absolute best to help.

I understand how you feel. Though, I don't really know if anything I say will be useful in any sense.

All I can ask is please seek help for your drug addiction. You're putting yourself through things that you don't need to and it's certainly not working. There are other, safer, ways to confront your paedophilia. You don't deserve to live like this. I don't know the details, but please, don't give up.

*hughug* I'm open for PM.

I agree with the others here as well, don't let pedophilia define who you are as a person. I crossed that line with children on a sexual level and my depression and stress and anxiety hit the ceiling and I wanted so badly to end my life and just do something drastic to myself. Though somehow I pulled through and realized that even though I am a monster that I can turn my life around and it has been a hard road but I have seemed to turn it around a little bit. At least you are not a child molester and a registered sex offender so things could actually be much worse. I don't want you to feel pitty for me in any sort of way, I just want you to know that there are people here that can help you and support you. I am not one to give good advice because to others I am a monster either way. Stick in there and if you ever need an ear to vent, I am here.