Had a dream I abused a child (graphic may trigger)

Last night I had a dream where I repeated forced a boy of around the age 5/6 to lick my anus and in the dream I enjoyed it. I also got found out in the dream and arrested. I've been suffering constant thoughts of whether I am a pedo or not (could be POCD) and am terrified of molesting a child because I want to "test" my reactions. This dream and the nature of it sickens me and worse that I actually enjoyed it, now I feel like a monster. If I have POCD could this just be part of it? If I'm actually a pedophile can I still live a normal life? Can I work with kids (I want to be a nurse). I'm a 17 year old girl which makes this situation even more unusual, I feel so depressed and suicidal.

Worrying about dreams of this sort is like worrying about a gay fantasy or errant thought. That even in your dreamstate you were "found out and arrested" tells me you know it's objectionable but fantasized about it anyway. But even when enduldging the fantasy you paid for it which is much less worrisome than if you, but didn't get caught. So I wouldn't attach anything profound to it. You enduldged a forbidden fantasy, but balanced yourself out suffering for doing so. That's actually very healthy.

lily014 wrote:Last night I had a dream where I repeated forced a boy of around the age 5/6 to lick my anus and in the dream I enjoyed it. I also got found out in the dream and arrested.

Ai, I understand how you feel. I think my first pedophilic wet dream occured when I was 18 or something. I was on the second floor of a family's rather large house. Robbing the place, pretty much. Think I killed someone on the way, can't really remember all that well. But, anyway, their 2-year-old daughter was up there. I found her. Put her on the table. Made her suck on my penis til' I came.

When I woke up, didn't think anything of it.

lily014 wrote:I've been suffering constant thoughts of whether I am a pedo or not (could be POCD) and am terrified of molesting a child because I want to "test" my reactions.

Testing your reactions to molesting a child is rather pointless when you already don't like it, right?

lily014 wrote:This dream and the nature of it sickens me and worse that I actually enjoyed it, now I feel like a monster.

It's just a dream. Is it really worth it to bash yourself so much over something that isn't real.

lily014 wrote:If I have POCD could this just be part of it?

Considering your past posts. I'd say this is definitely the case. This nightmare is just probably a result of your fears of molesting children and POCD such. Doesn't mean you're a pedophile. I think it heavily suggests that you're not.

lily014 wrote:If I'm actually a pedophile can I still live a normal life? Can I work with kids (I want to be a nurse).

If that's the case, kiddo, maybe. It's different for everyone. Depends. would you consider yourself dangerous IF you were a pedophile? Just because someone is a pedophile doesn't mean they will offend.

lily014 wrote:I'm a 17 year old girl which makes this situation even more unusual, I feel so depressed and suicidal.

I wouldn't call it unusual, however, it was just a nightmare. Don't over emphasize on it. Dreams can often mean different things as opposed to what they're showing you. Often, they mean nothing at all. Just stop feeding the thoughts of testing your reactions and such on children. You're likely not a pedophile. So there's no point whatsoever, (Like there ever is...), to molest a child.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on this. Stay safe and feel better soon. *hughug*

Also, why don't you give feedback in your threads?

Thanks guys, sorry I haven't posted feedback before I've always been on edge in case someone looked over my shoulder and saw my posts. I just carry so much guilt around with me- thinking I molested a baby when I touched his diaper, now this dream. What if I do offend in the future? Will I ever be forgiven or forgive myself? I'll try not to test my reactions in the future but it's difficult and I ALWAYS find inappropriate thoughts entering my head e.g while a baby has a diaper change I think about having sex with the baby, and just constant things similar. It sucks.

To dream you are abusing someone suggests that your past actions will come back to haunt you. You may be expressing some regret or remorse over your actions.

-- Mon May 20, 2013 6:44 pm --

To dream you are abusing someone suggests that your past actions will come back to haunt you. You may be expressing some regret or remorse over your actions.

As a follow-up to my last post....I think the following is a little more specific:

To dream that you are a pedophile signifies a transitional phase in your life. You want to explore and experiment. This dream may leave you extremely disturbed, ashamed or embarrassed, but it does not necessarily mean that you have pedophilic tendencies. Perhaps you are feeling ambiguous or insecure about your own sexuality.

From what I know "testing" your attractions is a big part of POCD.
Yes, if you're a pedophile you can still live a happy life. If you want to work closely to children, all that takes is impulse-control and a clear mind. I've gone through a lot of suicidal thoughts and actions being what I am and that's because I'm actively attracted to young girls. I've grown a lot since then and because I view myself as a non-threat I rarely have such depressive tendencies anymore. I never did any testing because I already knew and was attracted to kids, so even if I can't diagnose you I'd put my money of POCD. That's not to say I'm anyone reliable, I'm no doctor.

You have POCD.

Dreams are often very crazy and while they can reflect some hidden wishes, mostly they don't I think. A lot of people have had some sexual dreams about something they don't find normally attractive. And even if they have dreams about things that they find attractive, it doesn't mean they are going to them in reality.

I've had a dream about raping a boy (and it was really exciting for me in the dream, it resulted in a wet dream), but I really don't think I am able to do such thing in reality. I've had a dream about sex with a dog. I've had a dream (sexual) in which I was a woman. I've had a dream in which I had two bodies and I though I can masturbate in one body and still stay "horny and filled" in the other body.

If you don't normally feel attracted to children, you probably aren't a pedophile. Even if you were a pedophile, it wouldn't mean that you would be a bad person. It wouldn't mean that you couldn't work with children. I personally know four pedophiles that work with children and I've talked via internet with 10 others that work or worked with children. However pedophiles should understand their sexuality and know about their reactions in different situations before starting to work with children. Also pedophiles should realize that being a pedophile doesn't guarantee being good at working with children.

Also while for sexologist are female pedophiles a bit like Yeti (they talk about them but hardly any of them have ever seen a female pedophile), I've talked to two female pedophiles and there seem to be more female pedophiles on this forum.

Are you attracted to adults? If yes, could you describe it and say, if you feel something similar towards children?