I'm a young peadofile and I'm terrified (merged)

I've been struggling with these feelings for about a year now, and I feel physically sick every time I find myself thinking about it or whatever.
But tonight I did something absolutely hourendous and I don't know what to do. I don't know what caused it or what triggered it, but it happened and I can't describe how disgusted I am. I managed to find myself a bunch of CP images saved onto my laptop. To make things worse I had them on the Internet and I know that it was so out in the open and so immensely stupid that someone knows and I know that The police know.
I don't feel sick because I know that I was caught or whatever, or that I know that they are probably on their way to arrest me as I'm typing this. To be honest, I hope they do. I know I deserve it.
I feel sick because I let myself indulge and that's just so horrible and sickening I don't know what to do. There's also the fact that my family and everyone I know will know and (on a much more selfish note), I really won't be able to cope with that.

I don't really know why I'm posting this, I know it won't make the slightest difference. I guess I just want at least someone to know that I feel disgusted and physically I'll at what I did, and that I'm really really sorry.

I've been struggling the paedifilic fantasies and thoughts for well over a year now, but I've always managed to stay well away from cp. even when I know it's perfectly possible for me to get some, I've always managed to control myself and stay away. But last night I did something terrible. I don't know what triggered it or what cause me to do it but I found myself with all this cp saved onto my laptop and I knew that I was enjoying it. I felt so sick and disgusted I nearly vomited and I started deleting it all straight away. But then I found I had uploaded all the stuff I got to drop box and sharing it, then the suddenly started dissapearing asif they were deleting themselves. I freaked out And deleted them all myself and logged out as soon as I could, then I found pic paste open with 'we can't display this image because it goes against pic pastes terms and conditions' and I know from mmm previous use that's no images of a sexual nature involving a minor or something. So I was totally freaking out closing everything and deleting everything I could find. I was (and still am) so ashamed and disgusted with myself I can't put it into words. I don't know how it happened, why it happened or what I was really doing, but I was doing it and now I know that the police know I was doing it to.

I have no idea what to do. I'm in the middle of my exams and I live at home with my parents and I'm just trying to get through school. I got so scared and anxious that last night, in the heat of it all, I was going to commit suicide, just to make it go away. Then I released how selfish and cowardly that makes me, so I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to confess to the police, explain what happened and try and get some professional help. They have my IP address or something so it's only a matter of time before they show up on my front door to arrest me. I really need to confess or something just to get whatever that needs to be done, done as quickly as possible so it will all just go away as soon as possible.

I sent you a pm x

-- Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:55 am --

I sent you a pm x