pedophilia, confusion...

Okay. I've thought about posting on here for a while now, things have been up and down and at the moment I don't really know where to go from here so i figured posting here would help.
I am a sixteen year old girl- recently i've been having intensely worrying thoughts that I'm a pedophile. This doesn't apply to one particular type of child, literally any child from probably around 14 and below. Ever since I was young I've known that i was attracted to women- when i was 6 i found my dad's porn magazine once, and every night for a week i would go back to look at it in secret until my brother found it in my room and told my mum. Looking back now, there were loads of little clues left in my childhood that showed that I'm gay. I didn't particularly accept this until just recently and was feeling depressed about this realisation until this even bigger problem came a smacked me round the face. Around 2 months ago I was watching the news and something about jimmy saville came on. It made me incredibly stressed, and made me wonder what i was a pedophile- what if i did the things to children that he did. That night I went and searched what caused pedophilia, and came across the wikipedia page where i read that pedophilia cannot be cured. I became deeply distressed, and honestly these worries have plagued my thoughts for the last couple of months. Thoughts of what people would think of me, how somebody could abuse a child, what my life could be like if this doesn't change.. I've been breaking down in school, unable to focus on anything, having to take time off and for the first couple of weeks that i felt like this i completely lost my appetite. The first few days i was so distressed that i literally couldn't find women attractive, it made me feel like i really could be a pedophile. Luckily those feelings started to return back to normal after a week or so. I became obsessed with looking at pictures of children on the internet, watching videos of them on youtube, reading my old childhood books, reading parenting blogs- i've always liked kids, though i've always been an incredibly shy and nervous person, not only around people my age but also around children. Its like I would be searching these things to prove to myself that there was no attraction there. Children have been on my mind constantly- when they are mentioned in a situation in everyday life it feels like i'm aroused but there's a part of me that thinks this could be my mind playing tricks on me because it's in a different way that i feel when aroused by women. It kind of feels more like a response of nerves. When I say that they're on my mind constantly, i don't mean in a sexually fantasizing sense- i think about holding them, bathing them, changing their nappys (or diapers), playing games with them, having conversations with them, dancing with them and teaching them to play instruments etc etc. The things i would do as a parent i suppose. Sometimes I try to fantasize about them, making up situations and placing them in my head- though sometimes it feels like there is that sense of arousal, the thought of having sexual contact with a child makes me feel a little bit ill. I've been racking my brains for the past 2 months trying to think of any past indicators of me ever feeling this way. When I was around six my brother tried to make me perform oral sex with him- he was only 9 at the time but i believe this could have had a huge effect on me. I was only young at the time, and ever since then theres been this repressed memory in the back of mind, it would come back to me sometimes and I'd just worry about how abnormal it made me. I also have memories of being aroused by somebody mentioning a pedophile before, although I don't think this was on more than one occasion. When I go swimming at the gym, there are children around me in their bathing suits and i literally feel no attraction towards them. Sometimes i feel like i need to keep looking at them just to check that there is no attraction there. It doesn't feel like i particularly have urges towards children, but there's been times when i see them and imagine things happening to them to test myself. This makes me feel so guilty and sometimes I feel scared to go out in public because i know that there will be children around. I just don't want this worry to be in my head anymore, I want to be able to be around them like it's not a big deal and i want to be able to have children in the future- it would absolutely kill me if i couldn't. I've told my mum about this stuff in lesser detail- she was supportive yet didn't really know what to tell me apart from that she's going to try and get me a doctor or a therapist to speak to. Recently other things have been starting to occupy my mind and I've been starting to feel better. I wonder if i should focus on these other things, try and let go and just forget about it or go and seek some help from someone. Sorry, I'm aware of how jumbled and confused this all sounds. I've just needed to get it out and this seems to be the best place to go. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you

'river-

My impression is lesbians are rarely child molesters, so if you truly are homosexual, well that is probably one less worry you have in life. I think, as women- and you will be one soon- we just naturally have an interest in children. Yours sounds like it could be unhealthy for you, so I would encourage you to speak with a therapist about your concerns.

You might find my post- and mea culpa- to Brando, who has a similar concern, to be of interest:

obsessive-compulsive/topic108806.html