No one is safe!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sick of this...... isn't there anyone in this messed up world that's trustworthy?

Just when I think things are getting better and I can put down my guard some.... that's when it comes from nowhere and knocks me off my feet!!

Nothing is ever what it seems- -- is it??!! Always having to be alert .... it's exhausting! Getting so tired.... I just want some tranquility inside myself.

mariposa

Sadly, I'm beginning to agree with you. I am trying to surround myself with close friends and family in order to "relearn" my old way of thinking: that people are generally nice. I don't believe it now, though.

Hey chickadee-- sorry you are feeling similar.

Sounds like you have a good foundation to go back to and hold on to. Hopefully in time you can feel better about people again.

I-- on the other hand-- have zero friends. I always end up leaving a friendship as I figure it's only a matter of time before I will get hurt. So I might as well end it as they are getting to know me to closely. Sometimes I long for friendships... but then I try to remind myself how totally exhausting and nerve wracking it is to be in a friendship-- then I'm comfortable for a while again-- being alone. I keep my family at arms length as they have hurt me too much in the past. I do have my husband.... of which we often have arguments.... but I'm holding on to the only relationship I have with another human!!!

I don't have anything to "relearn"-- it would all be new learning to me. The world has felt threatening and the need to keep up my guard has always been a big part of my life.

I hope you can "relearn" the way you used to think--- as from what I've observed-- those people sure seem happier and much more comfortable than those that think like I do.

mariposa

I liked the title of this page, and I had a good laugh.

Your sense of humer, means you are an intelligent person.

A small percentage of people are not safe, I would say 10% (this is my statistics).

But the rest, including me and chickadee, are 100% safe.
But I suspect you, you are very dangerous person , I am not joking.

Sigmund Freud says, that paranoids are angry, and its the hostile feelings toword others that been projected out, that is: you want to do to them, but you are so frightened of you angry impulses, the whole hostility becomes They want to do to me!

If I have a BMW car, it is more likely that I notice other BMW cars on the road, it is more obvious to me, becuase I have one, that is how our minds work. the same is true with a BMW Hostile-Feelings. While you are sitting inside your BMW-HF, you always see BMW-HF in others. right now, you have forgotten about your Psychological BMW, and just see other psychological BMW. and I am not surprised that you fear other people.

I love BMW.

Believe me, it is all in your head, just for tomorrow, forget about your fears, see what happens. NOTHING.

There is a quotation which I don't like: says
"Just becasuse you are paranoid, does not mean you are not followed".
Wrong.

Poeple, have other things to do, not killing you, most pepole are not (Ted Bundy)s. And what is the worst case scenario anyway, death, I am not afraid of death, I am serious, I don't like to die, but not afraid either, and also I like myself so much, that I try to avoid painful things.


Go get a beer and try read this again.

Paul,

So, you had a good laugh at my angist!!!

You may consider me to be dangerous to you but at least I know the difference between a person being supportive and one who is uncaring!

I'm not afraid of death. I much more fear being injured emotionally-- that is something that no one else can see-- so they think it doesn't exist in me!!! I want to say.... IT"S REAL!! Just as real as a broken leg or a bloody nose!!
OK- I'll admit the thing that keeps me on guard is the fear of emotions..... and not being validated.

Just like your response---- you thought my post was funny!! WTF!!!! Maybe you are an intelligent person.... but you, like almost all people I come in contact with-- in the end--- just mean invalidation and pain.

Go get a beer and try read this again.

Tequila sounds much better!!!

mariposa

my name didn't appear on the left in my last post ...... just testing to see if it shows this time.

mariposa

Dear Mariposa

I much more fear being injured emotionally-- that is something that no one else can see-- so they think it doesn't exist

I 100% understand emotional injury. Many many people suffer, in pain, go mad, and die on this planet becuas of emotional abuse and emotional destruction. I feel very sorry for all victims who are injured emotionally. I can see and feel emotinal injury, and again believe me, there are 90% who are nice, compassionate people and there are about 10% who are ruthless and do not care for others.

So, you had a good laugh at my angist

Actually, When I saw the title of this page, I thought you were funny, nothing else.

you, like almost all people I come in contact with-- in the end--- just mean invalidation and pain.

I don't know how to convince you that I had best intentions to have replied to your post and I said, may be, I could say something that gives you some insight and also make you smile and feel good not the opposite. If this is not validation and caring then what is this, because I thought I was supportive. How many people replied to your post?

I'm not afraid of death. I much more fear being injured emotionally

I thought, you were paranoid about people hurt you physically.


Again, I would like to say this and give you some hope: that not all people are insensitive, there are many many nice people, is just that, you have not been lucky to come across them.

As to what to do with abusive people, Abusive poeple don't see who you are, rather, an object, may be their object, or a frustrating object. and when they attack, they want to control or destroy you. They have not grown up like you and me, they don't know themselves either,
they are somewhat crazy. Just ask yourself, if you were that person, would you do or say what the person did or said. if the answer is NO, then there must be something wrong with the peson. and do yo really take offence from a crazy insensitive or an abusive person?

Of course, no one on this planet want abuse, but now it must be less scary, less lethal, and less offensive because now you know that:
All abusive people have mental problems

love,
i don't think he meant he found your post funny, just the title and that was not yet knowing what the post contains..

i understand your fear of emotional pain. i experience it every day myself. but you've gotta try to keep things in perspective for yourself. not everyone is out to hurt you. there really are people who wish you all the best and want to help you if they can.

i hope you can take a bit of comfort in knowing that i admire your strength to come here and let us know about your fear. you put yourself in a vulnerable position by doing that and it takes a lot of guts to do so.

with respect, love, and wishing you the best,
rose

Paul,

-- thank you for responding. I'm trying hard to appreciate your replies......... I do lean towards the defensive first!!!

I don't think I quite get emotions..... I mostly feel "defensive-panic". Not sure I understand the feeling of sad, worried or even real hurt. I seem to act out or feel the same under any of these circumstances. Defense is always the main focus!

Somehow, if one thing said feels wrong to me..... anything else said by that same person is out of focus-- or static..... I hold them to that "wrong" thing that was said. Kind of like--- "first impressions" I guess. (been hurt once-- a second time is very likely)

My learning tells me-- almost all people are insensitive! People are out for themselves!!

Your quote-- that all abusive people have mental problems-- that may very well be--- but how does that change anything??


----and Firnlothwen(rose),

Thanks for your reply. I can rationally understand the idea that not everyone is out to hurt me-----it's the knee jerk feeling of being attacked that I struggle to be rid of. Hard to believe that someone would wish the best for me!!

You are very right about feeling vulnerable here!! I was on another forum and only stayed for 3 weeks.... as I felt very much attacked.
But I really want to get away from this thing that has me chained to being friendless and jobless---- I just wonder if it's even possible!

mariposa

Great... Just what I need..... a post by Paul was here just two days ago--- didn't have time to reply ----- and now it's vanished!!!
I already don't trust and now things are being deleted without any explanation!!!
Is this some kind of cruel game??

mariposa