Paranoid PD...or something else?

Just looking for a little advice and input here. I previously asked this same question in the schizotypal PD forum and some of the people over there actually recommended I look into paranoid PD instead and actually the more I've looked into it the more it actually does seem like paranoid PD to me but I'd like to get some input from people who actually suffer from it or have some experience with people who do.

I'm 22 now and over the past year and a half or so I've become deeply suspicious of everything and everyone around me. I'm convinced all the time that people, especially my co-workers, are spying on me or trying to catch me doing something wrong so they can get me fired or in trouble, or that the police or some unknown entity is spying on me via my phone or my computer. I've even recently suspected a close friend of recording our conversations trying to catch me saying something she can use against me even though she is one of my closest friends and I don't think she would ever do such a thing. Something I forgot to mention in my previous post on the other forum was that I tend to be very sensitive to insult and criticism and I very often obsess on little things people say and wonder if they were directed at me in a hostile manner.

In addition to this paranoia I often lie compulsively which is a problem I've had since I was a teenager, though I do not believe this has anything to do with my paranoia issues at all so much as it is just a really bad habit I need to break on my own. Also, over the years I've developed a habit of talking to myself out loud in full conversation mode, and I almost think someone or possibly something in my head is talking back to me, I can't be sure because its very vague but I definitely know it isn't normal. Then again I suppose this could be, like the lying just a character flaw or defect I need to work on personally. More noteworthy is that in the past I have had multiple instances where for several days, sometimes even weeks or months at a time I have had delusions of being related to very famous people or being somehow connected to them and also entertained grandiose notions of what those things meant, despite later coming to the conclusion that it could not be true and abandoning it.

I just want to know what is going on with me and if I am losing my mind. My birth father's family had a history of mental illness including paranoid schizophrenia, which my paternal grandmother was diagnosed with, and I think my mom's family (who I was mostly raised by) has secretly suspected for some time that I have a mental illness of some sort but they are afraid to hurt my feelings or push me or maybe they aren't sure and don't want to insult me if they are mistaken. I do plan on going to a doctor about this soon but I just wanted to learn a little on my own first about what could possibly be going on. So...thoughts anyone?

1Kdaniel wrote:In addition to this paranoia I often lie compulsively which is a problem I've had since I was a teenager, though I do not believe this has anything to do with my paranoia issues at all so much as it is just a really bad habit I need to break on my own.

Maybe the compulsive lying is part of the paranoia too. Some instinctive mechanism in the lines of "when the truth is obscured, it's harder for others to spy on you". I know my schizophrenic uncle lies all the time, about the silliest things. It's just an instinctive reaction to confuse people, I think. Much of schizophrenic-like disorders (StPD, PPD and schizophrenia itself included) is about confusing people so they can't reach you.

The part about talking to yourself out loud as if in a real conversation doesn't really sound related to paranoia, but it's likely related to inherited schizophrenic traits as well. Same thing about the grandiose delusions. I've had variations of these things myself. I'd say that, no matter what specific condition(s) you have, schizophrenic spectrum is definitely a possibility. Have you talked to a doctor about it since you last posted here?

Maybe give a read to some more threads on the schizotypal forum too. This forum here seems kinda deserted. The schizotypal forum has been moderately active lately. There are a few regular readers/posters like me, and a few recurring ones coming from the schizoid forum.

anagram wrote:

1Kdaniel wrote:
The part about talking to yourself out loud as if in a real conversation doesn't really sound related to paranoia, but it's likely related to inherited schizophrenic traits as well. Same thing about the grandiose delusions. I've had variations of these things myself. I'd say that, no matter what specific condition(s) you have, schizophrenic spectrum is definitely a possibility. Have you talked to a doctor about it since you last posted here?

Maybe give a read to some more threads on the schizotypal forum too. This forum here seems kinda deserted. The schizotypal forum has been moderately active lately. There are a few regular readers/posters like me, and a few recurring ones coming from the schizoid forum.

I haven't seen a doctor yet, I've been planning on it for a while I've just been really busy. I haven't been as stressed out lately so the paranoia hasn't been as pronounced the past couple weeks, at least not that I've noticed. Of course I'm heading back to school next week and it may or may not become more intense as the weeks go on and the semester gets more stressful. The problem is its sort of ingrained into my daily life because its just such a part of how I function and view other people so I don't notice that I'm actually being that paranoid when I'm doing it but only when I look back on it later do I realize that something wasn't normal about me having such a high level of suspicion about literally everyone around me. The conversations with myself haven't stopped at all though, at least a few times a day I find myself doing this and the grandiose delusion thing hasn't really gone away either its just mainly began to take on different/newer forms i.e new fantastical delusions that are similar to old ones but still new nonetheless. Part of the reason I haven't seen a doctor yet either is because I'm afraid to, I have no idea how my family doctor would react to being asked about this and my mother's reaction when I said I thought it might be a good idea for me to talk to someone about "my issues" (she knew what I was referring to) was to panic and sweep it under the rug especially around my stepfather. She's a little old fashioned when it comes to things like mental illness. Her family is the same way and can be a little judgmental too and of course because there's so many of us in our family nothing stays a secret for very long and I'm afraid of the reaction I would get.

The fact that you're able to recognize paranoia as paranoia (even if after the fact, or even if you keep feeling it) is in itself a very good thing. Means stress management alone can be greatly helpful in managing your symptoms. If you keep training yourself to recognize paranoia after the fact, I think you'll eventually get better at recognizing it as it happens too, and avoid getting caught in a vicious circle of anxiety.

The thing about conversations with yourself doesn't sounds to me like something to be "cured" or even treated, as long as it doesn't embarrass you too much. The grandiose delusions, on the hand, are probably a form of escapism, which would mean you're not being able to cope with your daily life. That's what it was in my case, at least. And it did change from one delusion to another. It was tricky to notice, since I didn't tell anyone about it.

The family dynamics thing really can be complicated. Is there any way you could pretend you're seeing another kind of doctor? Say you're seeing a neurologist for sleep and concentration problems, for example. Almost true anyway, isn't it? A lot easier for psych-prejudiced people to accept. Approximate the truth to something easier for them to swallow. Downplay it as much as you can. "It's no big deal. It's just getting a bit hard to work, I thought seeing a doctor would be a good idea." As for your family doctor, don't worry what he's going to think. You're the client, he's the service provider.