Please Help - I think my wife suffers from PPD

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

My wife and I have been married for the last 2.5 years. I have been loyal to her from the start and always will be. I am deeply in lover with her which makes what I am about to write difficult.

Her paranoia has gotten progressively worse over the last year or so. It has always been present, but lately the accusations are becoming too tough to bear. I have given complete access to my email, facebook page, mobile phone, etc and this access only seems to make her paranoia worse. If I canm't remember why I called a number, she says that I am lying.

She has also had numerous suspicions about her other family members. For example, she has asserted that her father was dishonorably discharged from the armed forces (not true), that her father molested her brother (not true), that her mother molested her brother (not true), that her father fathered children with a former spouse (also not true).

Of late, I have been accused numerous times of cheating on her with other women, which she admits she has no evidence of. Most recently, she has accused me of being a closet homosexual and that I should just "tell her the truth." Like before, she readily admits there is no evidence and my attempts to reason with her do not make her feel better. In fact, they seem to make it worse.

If I stay late at work, she doesn't believe I'm working and demands to see my blackberry as proof. I am not allowed to go on business trips without her coming along.

What do I do? Is it hopeless?

Hi Lionel,

Get some professional help to save yourself. I have been in your shoes for the past 5 years of consistent accusations of cheating and not believing every word I saiys. I do not have passwords to my cell phone and she has complete access. She also distrust if I have to work late for client meetings. When I go to a out of town conference, she accuses that I have a woman in my hotel room. She checks my wallet and if I am missing 5 bucks she would ask me where did I spend it to. When I wash and clean my car she gets overly suspicious that I am having a date or something. If I wear my pink tie or purple tie, she will make a stupid comment out of the blue. The more I give in to her to prove my innocense, things just gets worst and worst. When she acts paranoid, it just kills my day and I do not have the motivation any more.
We have been married for 15 years and unfortunately I am ready to ask for separation. I just want some peace in my life.

Do yourself a favor, things will get worst. I have learned that there is only so much I can do to help her but at the end of the day I cannot change the way wife thinking. All the best to you.

Thank you for your advice. What do you mean by professional help?

I'm not ready to give up. It may be folly, but I have to try.

In a span of 3 years, I went to speak to our general physician and ask for a referral (did not get any). I also consulted with a family counselor. I am still not satisfied. Finally went to see a physcaiatirst that specialized in BPD & PPD for an assesment. I have invited my wife to join the assessment but she was a no show.

Upto this time my wife is 100% sure I am at fault and she sees no value getting professional help.

i am so sorry. the other person who responded is right about it only getting worse if she doesn't get help. my husband started showing signs of paranoia 7 years ago.i have never been able to convince him to speak with a professional. it has gone in cycles...up and down...until he recently left. he feels he needs to get away from everyone he knows to "figure things out". it will take a tremendous toll on you and your relationship.please know you are not alone. unfortunately one of the best things for you may be to get counseling for yourself early on to help you cope and to try to understand what she is going through.

I just thought to share my recent visit with the Psychologist. As I reported my wife did not show up. The specialist recommends we speak to our priest. But let her drive the bus this time. Let her make the first moved. Otherwise, if I make the appointment myself she might suspect I have tag team with the priest against her. Because my wife is a religous person, speaking to our priest may be less threatening without the diagnostict level.

He also suggested a book that I may consider reading. The name of the book is 7 principles of making marriage work by John Gottman.

He also shared in a relationship there are 3 stages: Move toward each other, Move away and Move against. After more than 7 years coping with her behavior unfortunately I am on the Move against camp.

Will see about getting advise from our priest. If the priest assessment is separation and I am prepared to make that moved. I want to enjoy my kids and find peace in my life.

Hope this helps.

hi dyj2. thanks for sharing that. maybe seeing the priest will work. my husband and i spoke with our ministers and i have to say it was the closest i've ever seen him get to considering speaking with the doctor about what he believes is happening to him. unfortunately he didn't follow through with their suggestions but it didn't hurt. hopefully it will help you and your wife. it's good you keep trying to find a way to help her. hang in there. and whatever you finally decide know you've done all you can.wishing you and your family the best....

hi elizabeth123. Thank you for sharing your story. Will see what happen. Life is too short.

dyj2...anytime. if things work out it would be nice to know. i'd love to hear that at least one out of all of us dealing with this got a happy outcome with all that we've been through.either way, know you're not alone. wishing you all the best.