Developing PPD or just anger and jealousy issues?

Hey, Please give me advice because I am going craaazy here thinking about it. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year now, and since the beginning his behavior has been a little strange. I guess I am very understanding, and i only ever wanna try and help and better him, and that's why i haven't given up...until now!

First it should help to know his background history! He is 21 years old. his mother has Schizophrenia apparently induced by the years of physical and mental abuse his narcissistic husband inflicted on her (but i suspect there could have been a drug psychosis involved aswell). His dad wasn't around long in his life, and left when he was just a kid, and while he was physically abusive, my boyfriend doesn't have any significant memories of his father being physically abusive toward him. He did however, tell him that when he turns 13 hes gonna find him and beat the crap out of him, which instilled a lot of fear in my poor boy.

Our relationship has never been easy from day one! I was going through a pretty rough patch when we met, and i believed that all of his insecurities and jealousy's were due to the fact that i was such a loose cannon when we met up! But from the get go that i decided to commit to him, i turned a new leaf and I moved back in my parents house, quit my old habbits, and committed my life to getting healthy and happy with my boyfriend. He knows i sit at home, and wait for him to come home everyday, he knows i dont speak to anybody else but him. He has a problem with ALL of my friends (even the really good ones). We dont really socialise much, and seeems like every time i wanna go out and do something, he starts some sort of fight with me, so that i wont wanna go. Even when i wanna go out to dinner with him or something, he fights with me. One time we had a christening for my neice at my house, and it was a big family event with drinking and family n friends, and he cracked the major shits with me that night, and told me i was embarrassing him, when even my parents were like what the hell is he on about? I think he made a scene because he freaked out having to socialise with so many people. He used to do it every time people came round,he would make up some excuse to fight so he had a reason to storm to my bedroom and tuck himself away from everyone. We went out for dinner for the first time since we have been together, with one of his friends, and his girlfriend, not too long ago. The meals came out, and he told me it was far too spicy, and that he thinks that the chef did it on purpose. He is racist, and judgemental and almost dislikes everybody in society for no reason. He calls people names and puts them down on the street. One day we went somewhere out in public, and he didnt have one nice thing to say ALL day about anyone or anything! He calls me names like dumb bitch, liar, etc when really HE is the liar. I have caught him lying about heaps of things.

He is constantly taking an accusing tone with me, like i am always doing something wrong, when I am not. Like Why did you take so long? What were u doing? WHat are u loooking at on the computer? Who are u talking to? probably boys? its just this negative constant bickering all the time for no reason. He checks my phone, my facebook, when i leave them around and then he accuses me about things that he reads in conversations that in no way justify him losing the plot at me. When this happens, he bursts in to a flying rage and pushes me , throws things at me, and tells me how he cant trust me. I Have never cheated, i dont even flirt with other guys. He gets jealous of my GAY friend steven and tells me i should go "suck his $*%# because I know u want to"! He has said that about a few other people that i just dont understand WHY he would say that?

One time me,him, his lil sis, and her boyfriend who is like 16, had drinks at his house. Me and his sisters boyfriend had a lot to talk about (and i thinkhe gets jealous because he doesnt talk a lot at all) and he stormed to his room and said he was going to bed. I ignored him, because he was being silly, and we stayed up chatting, and he came out told me to get to bed, where he called me a dumb bitch, threw me on the bed, pinned me down and called me names.

He has snapped my phone in half, and the other day he threw my laptop because i called my sisters ex bf who iv known since he was a baby (and we are all still really good friends because they were kids then) i said "hey babes" on facebook (WHICH I WOULD SAY TO ANY OF MY FRIENDS!!!!) and broke my laptop, and he went into a crazy rage and told me how he cant trust me, and nearly pushed me off the bed.

DUring every fight we have, he lies about things that have just happened and he had just said, thinking that im going to get muddled up and not realise or forget, and he will do everything he can to dodge that he is in the wrong.

He has pushed me and iv hit my head. He says everytime that he is really sorry and that he doesnt know why he does it, and he cries, and then he says he will change. But i am beginning to think maybe he cant!

Do you think he has this disorder? We have broke up yesterday, and he says if he gets help he wants me there for support.

anyone?

hello, thank you for sharing your situation and concerns. I am worried about you and your boyfriend because this type of behavior will not correct itself in a short time. I don't know what your boyfriend's upbringing may have been or any of his personal experiences but i do know that his behavior expresses his deep insecurities with himself. i don't know what caused it but it's expressing itself in a angry physical way - not good. I've had a long run with a couple of long time relationships with this similar behavior. I've seen it time and again with my own friend's and their relationships. You sound like a nice person who sees the good in people and that's how things started with me too. Unfortunately it took way too long for me to realize that being compassionate, giving, understanding and kind to troubled people doesn't make them love themselves or resolve their personal issues. People can definitely help themselves tho and make breakthroughs but they truly have to want to and be committed to it. It's a real process and takes time to make sincere changes in their own self-perceptions and understanding of their self and their reality. A good book to read is by Louise Hay - called " You can heal your life" and she has very good advice if you follow it to the letter and practice it every day. Practicing and studying Nichiren Buddhism - where you chant "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" everyday and studying their explanations of human understanding will definitely help your boyfriend feel happier for sure and can help him have real clarity. Also it's very helpful to get involved in positive activities - dancing, music classes, skating, sports, yoga. He's gonna want some type of positive physical outlet. Once again this is a process but i have tried pretty much everything under the sun to help my own problems and these two things are the only things that ever truly worked and gave me real proof - This is after intense trial an error for a good 20 years of really working my ass off to help myself. You have to be careful though when helping troubled people. You can definitely get sucked into their "world" after a while and it can mess with your own perceptions of reality and of other people. When you are around someone that regularly says negative things about you, themselves, your friends, family or innocent bystanders - you may unwittingly start seeing things through their eyes more and more thus making you "mental". By the time you decide you can't take it anymore and break off the relationship, you realize you have to do a lot of your own self-help to unwind and undo the negative effects this person had on you. This relationship is definitely not healthy. It is not normal at all for people who are supposed to care about you and be a good friend to take out their issues on you. We all make mistakes but this type of problem is more like his way of life and will repeat itself over and over - could even get worse. At least he is aware that he has problems and is willing to get help. Helping one's self takes time and it's an emotional ordeal. One day he may be doing fine and then the next - the same problems rise up and it doesn't seem like anything is improving. During the healing process - there is a lot of "uncovering" bottled up feelings/ memories. Not many just wake up and "see the light" and things are cool from then on. Please be careful also because when people are "healing" - they may lay a lot of responsibility on you and subtle guilt trips on you to support them through their therapy process (which could take years), they may start really feeling sorry for themselves and playing on your pity in order for you to "understand" what they are going through. They may want to talk about the same problems over and over, thus overwhelming you after so long. They may at times have the attitude that their sufferings are so much worse than yours or anyone else and that no one can understand. They are usually not in a place where they will put themselves in your shoes. They don't usually think about how difficult, hurtful and draining it is for you to deal with them and their problems. Sincerely when people are in this state - they are not ready for a real relationship of any kind. It will be challenging for you to focus on your own happiness and life goals when you are with someone going through this process. They may not be supportive of your life. I really feel for him too and respect him and am only saying this to be helpful, but ultimately this is his responsibility and he should do this for himself. i truly wish you both the best. I know from experience that people really can change their life around and be happy - it takes real everyday work, patience, determination and willingness to learn. Much love and care to you both.

i don't know what he has but he is abusive. your world is shrinking just to accommodate him and that is hurting you.

I didnt bother to read all that but yes, everyone has PPD.

What you wrote doesn't trigger any immediate connections to PPD for me, gnrgrl.