Serious Paranoia

I’ve been with my boyfriend nearly 4 years. I first notice his paranoia a year after I met him. He would say things like. “I’m not sure about you” and “I don’t know what your about.” I didn’t think much about it at first then it got worse. It started with my mum. I lived with my mum at the time he would stay over at mine. On the day we was moving in together we was moving my bed out my mums. My mum was trying to help and he said "she cant just leave it can she all she had to do was leave it for one more day" I asked him what you on about. After a long conversation he said my mum took the Mick out of him and his nana and granddad she was sly and trying to get to him. None of this made any sense and I just didn’t understand what he was saying. After that he would say strange things. The house was bugged, people in the street strangers knew everything about him even what he has for lunch that day etc. And he thinks I no all about this. He doesn’t speak to his family anymore he turns against people so quickly. Like my friend come round the other day. We was talking normal didn’t think there was a problem then when she left he said “I know what your all about with your mates trying to get to me you think your so sly don’t you“ He was being funny with me for 2 days after that then he apologised and was back to his normal self again. He is completely normal most the time but he has these strange thoughts. I cant have friends, family round in fear he will start again. He will never ever get help for this he laughs at me if I suggest it and he thinks I was trying to make him think he’s going mad and that I was in on all this. Its hard to explain what he’s thinking because he never goes into detail about it because he doesn’t want to look stupid in front of the people watching us! He just says strange things and when I ask what he’s on about he just says You know! I know when he is in that mood because his eyes change. It scares me I have no none to talk to. He has 1 friend left and I cant talk to him because he would just laugh at me. I cant talk to his family because he’s turned against them all. I don’t know what to do. He’s never hit me but he has got a temper so am scared one day he will turn nasty. Although considering he cant trust nobody he thinks he’s famous he thinks our house is like big brother and millions of people are watching us he’s seems quite calm about it all. I have thought about leaving but I would just feel too guilty leaving him on his own. I feel sorry for him he’s only 28 and has everything going for him. any advice would be appreciated I know he needs to see a doctor but that will never happen...

Hello Hannah,

First of all, it seems you and your boyfriend have been dating for awhile now. I am guessing you don't have any children with him, even while being very committed. I just want to let you know I wrote my advice with those factors in mind.

I am not trying to destroy your relationship but I would say hang in there but really open your eyes and decide if this is worth the long haul. My mother started out that way too (according to my dad), and it slowly turned into what it is today (I am in my late 20's and it's not pretty).

Next time something like this happens, don't take it! You don't have to start world war 3, but make it a point that you don't understand him and it's not making any sense to you. Don't just shrug it off or feel bad. Make it clear that you do not agree with his thoughts and ideas.

If your boyfriend indeed does have PPD, it will progressively get worse and more frequent. I am not saying don't forgive, but rather don't forget what he exhibited and his accusations. And if it ever gets to a point where it gets too frequent for you to handle, don't be afraid to confront and reserve the right to leave.

I know my advice is harsh but with my own experiences, sometimes you can't see the big picture until you really step back and realize "WHOA....this is NOT normal..." Then you have to make a decision of what you want out of life and a partner.

Kat

Thanks for the advice. Its really difficult at the min. He started on me a few days ago. Saying I have been
Out to get him from day one. I have been trying to stitch him up and he doesn’t know how everyone is getting away with it. He got a txt on his phone from his nana. ( who he hasn’t seen for about a year)
And he got upset and said he missed them so much. I just suggested to him he should call them just to let them know he’s ok and that was it, I was trying to get to him I was being sly and he can see right through me etc. 2 days of him at me. “I don’t know about you, you are always trying to wind me up like everyone else out their and am not going to let you get to me. We talked last night I just said to him I want to leave you I have had enough of being accused of something I haven’t done. I know nothing about what your saying and am sick of defending myself. At first he said I want you to go I want to be on my own so none can hurt me. After a while he just gave me a hug and said sorry and said I don’t know what’s wrong with I get so paranoid. When he says that I always think maybe he’s seeing that its not everyone else but that’s hes got the problem. However hes said this before and then he changes his mind when something sets him off. We go round in circles and I have just about had enough. I want to help him I feel sorry for him. In his mind everyone he cares and loves are trying to hurt him. In his mind millions of people are watching him. It must be awful to believe that. He just wanted a hug last night he was so loving with me. All he wants is for people to leave him alone and to feel loved. How the hell do I convince him its all in his mind. I would just love to run away from all this no we don’t have children no ties I could just leave and get my life back. On the other hand I desperately want to help him and be with him and have a normal relationship. I am the only one who knows about this therefore an the only one who can help him.

I was so sad reading your post. You sound so desperate and lost. I have a similar situation with my sister who is not diagnoised (yet) w/ Paranoid Disorder, but I believe from her actions she too has it. She thinks everyone (mostly me) but public in general is trying to destroy her. I too am at a loss as to how to deal w/ this disorder. When you try to talk sense to them, they just think you are trying to confuse and manipulate them. Both our parents are passed on and we are all we have. So walking away is so difficult for me. We have only each other left. But she is convinced that I am trying to take things from her, I am talking bad about her to everyone, She takes everything I say and twists it around to be negative. She thinks I'm trying to take her house and that I'm trying to make her homeless. I can't convince her otherwise. What do you do when this happens and they are an adult and you can't convince them that something is wrong w/ them? How do you get them to understand? How do you get them help? I'm so sorry, I feel your pain. It is such a helpless feeling. You basically have 2 choices: either stay and ride it out in hopes that someday you can convince him some how to get the help and medication he needs, or you will have to leave and save your self. Truly, I don't believe you can talk him back to healthy thinking, I think he needs medical intervention, but I'm no doctor. I wish I could help my sister too. But I recently chose to save my self and walked away from our relationship. I have guilt and sadness over it, but I also have to think of my self and her behavior was destroying my life. It is not an easy decision. God speed, and talk to people who have been through it. They are a great resource for help.

jeez guys what on earth are we gonna do?? Im yet to find a successful story about this disorder! It seems that everyone who experiences long term time with people with PPD have a tough time and say it just gets worse!! That doesnt fill me with much hope for my situation :/ but I have a child with someone with PPD and they are always going to be in my life so I will just have to learn to not push those buttons. It may involve a whole personality change!! Who knows. For now I am going to try and help him. 90 per cent of the time life is good!! I'll keep all udpated on my experiences!!