Wife has ppd - what can I do?

confusedone-- I am not qualified to say whether you needed to take drugs or not(I personally feel this society stresses drugs too much and not human interaction enough)....... that is not the point I'm making though anyway.
My point is that it seems to me your awareness of your depression must have over-ridden the paranoia--- as you decided to trust the drugs and that you personally felt you needed them.

I think my paranoia is so engrained that it's very much a part of my way of everyday thinking. Been this way -- not trusting and suspicisous-- since I was a wee little one. I have a feeling it's part of my very make-up. There was NO one I could trust-- not mother, not father or siblings-- they all let things happen to me that caused emotional and physical harm. Some neighbors and some teachers weren't even safe. I feel I HAVE to trust myself- over everyone else.

Good day to you.

mariposa

LarryM wrote:I do have some advice for any others in a similar situation: cut your losses. Invest your emotional capital in a relationship that has a chance to pay off.

Well Larry,

That's a real sucker!
You obviously don't know what HELL on earth it is to have this disorder. It's an illness, can't you understand? Should we be punished more by being ousted?

I'm speaking from personal experience. It's not that I don't want to trust people, it's just that in early childhood I've learnt not to trust people. My therapist says I've not been 'validated' in early childhood.

I'm trying to overcome this personality disorder by going into therapy. For me, life is hell. I see proverbial ghosts everywhere. I always feel threatened. Safety is in intoxication, sleep or death...

My best advice for people who have relationships with paranoid people is: emphasize that you love them, never want to hurt them and if you do, it's accidental. Remember to accentuate this! Keep it up long enough and you'll gain their trust. Once you have that, try to motivate them into counselling (offer to come along). Best option IMHO: therapy + medication such as Elavil to take the edge of things.

I refuse to believe that I can't cure what's been damaged in me as a child. I have a right to an enjoyable life too. I want satisfactory relationships too. And I'll fight like a tiger to get one!!!

Just my 2 cents.
Maria

Well, it took about 2 1/2 years from my first post -- when I was already at the end of my rope (I thought) -- but I've finally managed to divorce my wife, having despaired of any improvement in my wife's condition.

All my years of supporting her, and trying to help her, and basically being a buffer between her and the rest of the world were a complete waste of time.

She is still suspicious, irrational, and blameful even though we live a thousand miles apart now, and I have no part in her day to day life. She is angry with me for events in which I could not possibly have a role, involving people I don't even know. And of course she still has plenty of problems with others.

Talking to her on the telephone now I can't believe I was able to live with her and function at my job at the same time.

So, it's a big improvement for me now, but the years of insanity have taken their toll. I've thrown the best years of my life away.

I hope this thread helps somebody in a similar position make their escape sooner than I was able to. It helped me, because I'd read my first post, and remember how bad it was when I wrote it, and realize that it was still bad and not getting better.

It's hard to break-up with someone who has ppd, for a variety of reasons. It's a bit like a hostage situation, for one thing. But there's also the fact that they really really need you (hows that for some insight into my own motivation in this?).

But just because it's hard to break up with someone doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do. It's hard for battered women too, and living with someone with paranoid personality disorder really isn't much different. Sure they need you -- more than a normal person would -- and sure they love you -- ditto -- but are you so worthless that you have to pay for love by accepting pain?

Good luck to anyone else in the same boat as I was.

Thanks for your posts LarryM.
I am also in the same position as you, 2.5 years separated, had to get a divorce just for my sanity and emotional survival

MY wife has had PPD ever since I married her (21 years marriage). Unlike you I do have children and its been devastating to see the effect on them of having a PPD mother, it was hard for us all to understand, as we were always blamed for her problems.

My self esteem was at such a low point, I had anxiety levels approaching someone with OCD. So i thought I was the one with the mental illness.

Thank goodness I found a good psychologist who was able to explain this condition, and recommended I get away from her.

Being the spouse of a PPD wife is hard, eventually your self esteem is destroyed, I put up with violence and some very cruel mental and emotional abuse, the stories gave my psychologist nightmares
Never an explanation or apology, finally resulting in a restraining order against me, reading the affadavit she wrote broke my heart to see such incredible exaggerations and downright lies about myself. I cannot describe the anguish of actually being abused for so many years, yet wearing the legal effects of this.

So LarryM I can understand your bitterness, but I have to say you need to deal with that. Minimal contact with her is advisable, the scars you have dont take much to open up again.

I would like to post an image of an oil painting my 16 year son created, which expresses the pain of loving someone with PPD.
Perhaps someone can help me do this, I think you would all appreciate it. Its shows a male hand covered in blood and cuts holding up a bunch of roses.

LarryM I understand how u feel, yes they have an illness, but the pain and effect of trying to live, love and help them destroys the best of us. All the time they cant understand what they are doing, they see the effect of their behaviour but can always justify their actions. I cannot describe how heartbreaking this is to see this effect on your own children. Luckily my daughter studied psychology herself and was able to gain some help herself.

And I have to say I still love her, if she didnt have this disorder, I would be with my soulmate/ life partner. This I am still having councelling for, as I have had to move on and deal with the grief and loss.

So people dont be too hard on those who have PPD partners, as they end up with emotional problems themselves after a number of years. The fact that almost everyone on this forum wanted to stay and help their PPD partners, is encouraging and very human.

thanks for reading this

Xman