Wife has ppd - what can I do?

My wife of nearly a decade has ppd. She makes my life hell with her jealousy, sensitivity to criticism, and out-of- the-blue verbal attacks. She has no friends and has problems with everyone, even complete strangers.

I love her, and I feel sorry for her, but I'm beginning to despair of ever being happy.

I'm also afraid of her. She might set out to ruin my life if I left her - and she could easily invent a justification for that. Or kill herself. She is unpredictable and the most ruthless person I've ever met.

She'd never accept any kind of counselling, or admit she has a problem.

She has many good qualities. I have a strong attachment to her. I feel sad just thinking of leaving her. I also know that she will continue to create stress and discord for me and whomever else is around her, and that I'll continue to be attacked for no reason, especially at those times I most need support.

I don't see any way this can't end badly. Is there anything I can do?

I don't really have any advice b/c I'm in this same situation as you are. I'm just curious, actually... how often do you have to endure your spouse's ppd related attacks? Is it daily, or just a recurring thing that happens every so often?

Sorry that you have the same problem.

It comes and goes with my wife. It can go on for weeks and months if she has a problem with someone at work; it can just be a single attack if she's momentarily jealous or suspicious.


We're socially isolated because she can very quickly have a problem with someone who is only trying to be friendly or make conversation.

On the other hand she can be quite nice to me and to others too sometimes. I can never predict when all hell will break loose though, other than, if there is any kind of stress in our environment she'll usually make it much much worse. If we had a housefire she'd be the bigger problem.

What about you - does her condition wax and wane? And why do you stay with her?

Larry,
I'm the one who you responded to about my husband. So I"ve already answered your question in that post (husband has ppd? i think that's the subject line).

Again I stay with him b/c I love him!!! His "condition" definitely comes and goes. Stress seems to make it worse. I think having young kids in the house makes it extra bad. Our kids are young.. I am fairly sure that when they are older things can get better. Or maybe I'm fooling myself in thinking that once the stress of young kids is over that things will get better. I don't know. All I know is we have great times together, and I love him to death. I love our kids to death. He loves me and our family. Sometimes the words and accusations don't sound like he does, but he does. I guess I feel like our situation hasn't gotten to the point where I feel like I have to get out to have my sanity. I just know he is a paranoid person and many of the problems we've had in the last few years has been based on his paranoid thoughts and scenarios he has running through his head. I hope to be able to do something to prevent it from getting worse than it has. I"m in survival mode when he has these episodes. I am in the mode where I want it to just go away b/c I don't know what to do when he doesn't talk to me b/c of his paranoid thoughts. I just don't know. But once it's over, I feel like things are back to normal and I just hope that it doesn't come back again.

Gaga - that's why I stay too, I guess. We don't have kids. It must be a lot harder for you.

I would think it would be easy for me to leave, but it's not. I'm back and forth all the time on whether I should.

Rationally, or advising somebody else, the answer is so easy. But there's nothing much rational about love, I suppose.

I hope things work out for you and your family.

Larry

I just wanted to say that I applaud the actions of those who have replied in this thread. I am a recovering anorectic and person with DID. My husband has OCD and Narc. Personality disorder. We have been separated for almost 4 years but since this past Christmas we have started seeing each other again. We have come to be able to accept each other with our limitations and problems. Why? The plain and simple truth is that we have loved each other for a little over 25 yrs

Sweetngentle

I'm not going to offer a lot of hope here. After 14 years my wife has decided she wants a divorce and has started seeing someone else to 'punish me for the pain I have caused her'. She was diagnosed 6 years ago. At that time I thought I could alter my life and daily activities so that she would not have the thoughts and suspicions. You would not believe the lengths I went to in this attempt. If you are living with a person suffering this disease then you will understand that it had absolutely no effect other than adding more stress to my life.
I have never stopped loving my wife but I have stopped liking her. I am not able to generate any anger towards her but I curse this disease to hell every day.
I have spent endless hours researching this illness, I've completed the NAMI 12 weeks course on dealing with mental illness, I've been to as many doctors as I could afford seeking advice and the result is not good. I do not think the symptoms decrease over time and I do not think there is any hope for a cure. If you think you can change the thought process of a person with PPD then I suggest you reconsider.
If you find yourself at a point where you must make a decision to stay or leave then I strongly suggest you leave.[/i]

My mother has ppd. She has been this way her whole life, but it has gotten worse with age. She is 66 now. My father has stayed with her through it all and he has now retired so he is home much more. He wants to leave her, he does not intend on divorcing her. He simply wants to go back to his country and she is unwilling to go. She constamtly accuses him of cheating and accuses people of stealing from her or other such nonsense. The first time I managed to convince her to see a shrink was a few months ago and he diagnosed her. He put her on meds, but her insurance would not cover the doc nor the meds so the whole thing did not help. She refused to accept there is a problem. She thinks I took her because she was depressed and that is why he gave her pills. He told her that because she would not have taken them otherwise. Now I had to tell her the truth and beg her to go with me to another doctor that I think accepts her insurance but she refuses to go. I am married and have kids of my own. I love my parents but I feel like I am their counselor. They call at least 4 times a day. I go to see them every day or every other day but I am exhausted. What do I do??? I feel bad for dad he worked so hard his whole life he deserves a peaceful retirement. I don't want him to leave her because I am an only child and I know it would all fall on me. I know how selfish that sounds. Mental illness runs in her side of the family. Three of her brothers were also ill. One is on meds, one died and the other is in denial like her. I too am on meds for depressioon and anxiety. Sometimes I worry that I will end up like my mom or worse yet that my kids will. I keep telling myself the fact that I am aware and open to help means something. If anyone has any words of wisdom please share. Thank You.

This mental illness is just awful. I know how your Dad feels. My son has this. He is 41 years old now. Had all of the symptoms,but was also violent when he did not get what he wanted, usually money. Dont feel so bad that your Mom did'nt get the medication,
from what I understand not much of it works anyway. Your Dad's life has obviously never been very normal. I am surprised he has managed to stay with her this long. And I truly understand how you feel being an only child. You can put a frog in a pot of warm water and it will stay there, but as the water gets hotter the frog will leap from the pot. A person with PPD will not accept any help because they truly believe they dont have a problem, in fact, they will very often respond by telling you that you are the one with the problem. So what do you do. The love that you have for this person will ultimately end up being total resentment, or even hatred. This is not healthy for anyone. Could your Mother function without your Dad. Could you put her in a nursing home? Why dont you have a meeting with a Mental health person, and just ask them what could be done. Dont know what else to tell you, We are all in the same boat.

Jesus,

the more i read this forum site the more i find it populated by people who are looking to vent about their loved ones who have PPD.

they say how it is useless, and hopeless.

well if it really is so hopeless, what the hell are you coming here for?

I mean, you (the general "you" I mean, not you in particular) talk about this person's problems yet here you are - saying you already gave up on the person - yet visiting web sites on the topic.

If you really are so healthy - and have suffered through life with people with PPD - and think it is best to stay away from them - i suggest you not bother yourself by coming to a site like this.

It is just not helpful to others.