Wife has PPD ... how can I help her?

Hi, I found this forum while looking up info on the web. Im going through a very hard time with my wife. 18 years married, two kids, financially ok, doing very well ... until this nightmare started!
Since one year she got obsessed that everybody is writing all about her on the internet ... and incredibly all the world can see this except us! Wherever I took her, she says people recognize her (even 11hrs of flight away!). She says she can feel anger in people and can read their hate through their eyes! It is incredible. She is such a loving person and dont know how this could have happened to her. When she has a downer, she says Im stupid because I cannot find this mystery thing on the internet and wants me to get a private investigator. I already paid for one of those internet investigations just to show her Im trying something! Of course there is nothing to be found. She does not even trust her mother and other relatives. She is angry at them because she is sure they know about it and are not telling her how to find it. I am constraint to behave as if Im believing her otherwise she would get angry and lses her trust in me. Sometimes she mentions moving out, even suicide. I beleive she did not do any crazy act (till now) because of the kids. She does not want to see doctors and/or take pills as she says she is not crazy and I should not dare mention this PPD to her any more. I feel so helpless. I tried getting her a puppy now to keep her a bit busy, but still ... I dont know what to do next and things are getting worse. I want our life back ... is there something I can do?

Hey,

You should never give-in to her paranoia again, like you did with the private investigator. You musdt adopt a zero tolerance approach to it. THe easiest way to do this is to simply leave the conversayion/room when she starts talking about paranoid things again.

Kevin

Thanks Kevin ... that would be actually the opposite of what Im doing! Im always concerned that if I show her that I dont believe her she would do something stupid. She gets so angry when she feels Im doubting her. Your advice is a bit scary to be honest, but at this stage I am willing to try all, even if it hurts to do it. I will try it. Thanks again for your help.
Hanx

Trust me hanx, you would be doing worse if you stayed and tried to reason with her paranoia. There is no reasoning with it at all, and no matter what you say, she won't believe it. If you want away, however (saying nothing), she might eventually come to realise that you're tired of her ways and she may try to change.

I think that ure very right. I have wasted enough time trying to listen and reason things out with her. She is just convinced that all the stuff she thinks is real and whatever I say will not change her mind. Thanks a lot for your interest! I really appreciate.

Hi hanx.

I think the most important thing is to get her in to see a doctor. Your family doctor would be a good place to start, and it might be easier if you went with her to help explain the problems you two are having. I don't want to scare you and you know the situation better than I do. But it sounds like it started rather suddenly from reading your post and that sends up a red flag in my mind. If your wife is suffering from some type of psychosis or something organic and not just parinoia there is a chance that she could be risking her health if it's left untreated. And the mention of suicide should be taken very seriously, especially if she isn't always in her right mind.

In the meantime here are a few tips on how to respond to her to keep things a little more amiable.

1.Do not make fun of or tease your wife about her paranoia.
2.Do not get into arguments about her mistaken beliefs.
3.Receive paranoid talk in a neutral way, neither encouraging nor condemning it.
4.Do not question or discuss the details of her paranoid statements.
5.Do not tell your wife that what she is saying is crazy, paranoid, or untrue; rather acknowledge that she is experiencing a different reality to yours.
6.And recognize that her paranoid thinking may continue, despite treatment.

Zero

Hi Zero
I actually try to behave in that manner, or almost. But will try harder!
I had managed to take her to a psycho and he confirmed to me she has PPD. He gave her medication which she refused to take (of course!). I even thought of putting the med in the coffee but the doctor told me I should not do that as if she finds out I would make matters worse. Doctors and pills are a no-go subject at the moment, though I still try to convince her to take the medication to help her fight her war and limit the effects of the stress. But she insists its useless, and that she has no problems but the 'others' have!
Thanks a lot for your adv and support! Somehow I feel Im a bit less alone in this horror show! Thanks again.

You took her to a 'psycho'? - That's not good! I think you meant a psychologist, right? Give your wife some articles about PPD and let her read them in her own time. I find that this approach usually makes people open their eyes more.

Hi .. thats one thing I did before. Made her read about it, but had no success! She probably thought I was the one with PPD
I have tried something else though. I convinced her to speak to the local priest (yes, I am exploting her faith!) with the excuse that maybe he can help her how to deal with this conspiracy! Of course I spoke to him before. In fact it seems to have helped her in some way. She actually wants to visit him again, which is a good sign. Until now it looks like one small positve step; if it lasts I dont know, but I will try all! Im taking it day by day, and keep hoping.

Hi,

That was a fantastic idea contacting the priest. What I suggest you do next is request of him to ask her to start to volunteer at mass services. Doing something like could do wonders for her problem, don't you agree?

Kevin