Is it DD or PPD

I have been reading about Delusional Disorder since finding the DD topic. I felt a great sense of relief when I found an explanation for my husband's bizarre behavior over 38 years of marriage. He had unexpectedly left me 12 months ago giving no reason, saying he did not want to live with me any more. We were living overseas at the time and he returned home to family and friends. (He is now retired.) Everyone says how happy he seems.

I thought he had been suffering from DDJ originally (though less so in recent years) and he was sure one child was not his. As well as accusing me of being unfaithful, he was sure I was always trying to put him down in social situations. I never meant to do this but he would pick on some remark spoken innocently or in jest. I learned to live with this.

More recently as he became older and had a brush with throat cancer, then developed Type 2 Diabetes, he became more and more introverted (mostly with me). At the same time I had a non-malignant brain tumor and decided it was time to make the most of what life had to offer – hence the move overseas to work for 2 years. I also took up all sorts of outside interests like sport, singing etc.

I visited my home town 6 months after he went home, to see children and grandchildren. I spent a little time with my husband mostly in the company of others, but he did say at one stage that the reason he could not live with me any more was that I had deliberately messed up his life in every possible way and tried to turn people against him. Other than that we got on quite well at a superficial level. We continue to communicate via email at this same level.

For 38 years he has refused to discuss any of these issues always saying that if anyone had a problem it was me. I was inclined to believe I was in some way to blame. I did nag. I also would get angry when unfairly accused. Hence the relief when finding out about DDJ.

However since reading about Paranoid Personality Disorder it seems to me that fits him even better. It probably is immaterial anyway as the chances of getting back together are remote. I still love and miss him and wish there was some way to change his distorted opinion of me.

Anyway after this rather lengthy post, I guess I’m asking – is it paranoia and is there any chance of him changing? Any suggestions as to how I should approach him on my return home for good in a few months time. After lots of stress with kids and his often strange behaviour, I had been looking forward to some great years together in retirement.

Hi, patty! Sorry about the late reply. You could try posting in the Living with mental illness or the DD forum as well. Is he getting help? It must be hard for you, but no one should be treated this way. Maybe if you got him to see a psych on a regular basis, you could have a better relationship.