Mom thinks people are breaking into house, moving stuff aruo

My mom, 62, thinks people are breaking into her house and moving things around, also that phone and email are tapped, and mail is being intercepted. She thinks servants have been stealing from her -- small things, not money... shovels, dog food, decorative plates, that kind of thing.

Also that someone may be tampering with her computer at work.

I have told her I think she has ppd and should ideally get help, and she didn't explode or anything but she didn't get help either. She thinks if she gets counseling she may lose her job -- employer has her under surveillance.

My mom has had an abusive childhood and a very difficult life, including taking care of two parents with dementia for almost ten years -- she kept them at home and refused to put them in a nursing home, which was extremely hard on her.

She can be very affectionate and loving, but then turn cold when she doesn't get what she wants. She wants me to move in with her, and basically take care of her for the rest of her life. She doesn't see how this could affect my own chances of having a significant other, marriage, and kids.

My way of dealing with this is that I have moved abroad, but promised her that I will spend at least two months of the year in geographic proximity to her. Problem is I don't know if that's realistic: I have to find a job that lets me telecommute, and easier said than done.

The other thing is I often just comfort her and say that I love her and accept her for who she is even when she is being extremely difficult.

I could rant on and on.

I guess concretely, what I would like to hear is if anybody else out there has had a similar experience, and how they deal with it.

In particular, how do you deal with paranoia about breakins, and "informational" security like phone, mail and email.

t

Hi, tomku! Could she get in trouble for this? I have a relative who has some problems like these and it's very difficult for their family to deal with them. They try to be nice and just ignore the problems, but my relative is convinced that they are being cruel and want to hurt them, not that they are being spied on.
What you are doing is sweet of you and it's ok if you don't want to take care of her for ever, because you have the right to live your own life. You could still phone her and visit her when you can.
Maybe you could try to convince her that you are taking care of the situation and calm her down, if she thinks there has been a break in. Sorry if I'm not much help.

One thing that rings true in other posts that I read is that the situation is worsened with stress.

Since she has a very stressful job, I am hoping that when she eventually retires not too many years from now that will modulate the situation.

I think being told that someone cares about you also reduces stress.

So I plan to keep calling her and visit when I can exactly as you say.

Talking to her and letting her know that you care will probably be a big help, tomku. You could drop little hints about retirement.