does this sound like ppd?

hi i'm pleased to be here because i need to talk to someone who understands. apologies if my post is overlong and i would really appreciate any input.
i've had this problem for almost 30 years where i think people talk about me i.e. i feel they gossip about me -always bad thiings. This problem is linked to the fact that i have daughters. being traditional i had hoped to have a son and when i had my second girl,i was very disappointed and cried soon after her delivery before a whole group of people who then spread the gossip about my behaviour then -it was considered shameful.
later the gynae told me it was just because of post natal depression that made me behave so. the gossip spread like wildfire and before i knew it, i was branded as a poor,crazy,shameful and disgraceful prostitute - the gossip went around like this for the past 3 decades.
it has got to the point that i'm afraid to travel and even just to go out because i fear the gossip will spread everywhere i go. i think that all the people where I stay know and spread it about me. i don't have the courage to face this so i only go marketing and to the places when I really have to. When I see the contempt in their eyes or when they call me names and use actions to emphasize their contempt of me i used to trade insult for insult with them. But for the past few years I've kept quiet but I come home and i cry my heart out. After these bouts of tears i usually feel better. Tears to me now is therapeutic. I don't know how long i can carry on like this so i have turned to religion to help me. i tried christianity for 17 years - didn't help so i turned to a chinese deity who told me to play possum every time I get insulted. He also said it's a figment of my imagination - I know it is not and hence my frustration that even he too cannot help me the way i feel i need to be helped - that the gossip dies a natural death.
I think I have delusional disorder too but a huge difficulty I face is that my problems are external as well. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for 30 years and am on medication. He has never diagnosed me as having any disorder - just a hormonal imbalance. He also hardly bothers to listen to me when I talk about my problem - just tells me to take my medicine and observes that I'm "getting suspicious again." I take meds which help me to function "normally" - otherwise i get aggressive and suspicious and magnify small issues into big ones and lash out, sometimes physically. I haven't changed shrinks because the meds he prescribes helps by and large. I feel my brain matter is exposed if i don't take the medicine and i really suffer physical pain. With the medicine the pain goes off and also my delusions, although i am still fearful of going out to new places. i can cope a little with this in my neighbourhood by telling myself not to bother -after all it's been 30 yrs but i still cry when things get too much for me.
I'm going to leave it at this for now. Sorry again for the length of the post but I've bottled this up for a very long time. Do you agree that I have PPD and DD too?

Hey, pookie! Welcome to the forum. We can't give you a diagnosis here, but we can give you some advice and support. The fact that you have a disorder would not necesarily mean that those people aren't gossiping about you. I know how it feels to be insulted and talked about and be afraid to go out of the house. It's not your fault people are stupid.
You don't need to turn to religion, even though it's your choice, becouse you have human contact and understanding now, which is much better. Talk here when you feel like you need to or like you can't take it any more. Have you considered the option of moving away?

hi jasmin,thank you for your kind reply. i feel so relieved that someone out there understands and is reaching out - that really helps a lot.i have considered moving away but because of financial constraints i haven't been able to. besides altho' this will seem mad, i daren't move cos the gossip follows me everywhere i go and i come from a place where gossip spreads rampantly and people find out things very quickly-see,i said it's crazy. but this really seems very real to me.
i don't want to harp on my stupid problem anymore than necessary-it pisses one off, doesn't it?
if you don't mind,may i ask how you got over your fear of going out?i'd really appreciate your advice if any.

Hey! I'm still kind of scared when I have to go out, but if I have to be someowhere, I try to have someone else with me, like a friend. Also, I've been able to pretty much get away from the environment I was in and other changes happened on their own. I have a bit more peace now.
You are much better than those people. Any one should realise that talking like that could even make someone ill and it is very painful. I'll be here to talk when you need it

[quote="jasmin"]Hey! I'm still kind of scared when I have to go out, but if I have to be someowhere, I try to have someone else with me, like a friend. Also, I've been able to pretty much get away from the environment I was in and other changes happened on their own. I have a bit more peace now.
You are much better than those people. Any one should realise that talking like that could even make someone ill and it is very painful. I'll be here to talk when you need it [/quote]

hi jasmin so nice to hear from you.thank you for your advice. like you i go out with my close neighbours. i'm a housewife by the way.things are looking better since i mixed with my neighbour,she's kind of like endorsing me with those people and because they accept her,they accept me too now.however they're just acquaintances not close friends - it's better than their earlier hostility and unkind remarks.i feel a lot happier and because my world is at peace so's my mind now- much more anyway.i shall be away from town for about a couple of months so i won't be able to chat for about that time.i'm going to sit for my exams soon and shall be in the library for most of the time so in a way, i'm going to another part of the city for the better part of the time.that's how i look at it anyway but i shall love to hear from you again after my exams. take care!
regards