Need help

I fell in love with a beautiful man from afar. We met on the internet and I loved that we got to know each other this way- having a chance to show what I believed were our true selves. We corresponded for six months before meeting, and then he took the plunge and moved across the country to be with me as I struggled through a divorce with my five children.
Shortly after the move, there were things that started to go haywire with him. I couldn’t speak to him on finances, and as I’ve been a SAHM for ten years and he is earning the lions share I was quick to quiet myself to appease him when I get our finances were going haywire. The anger he had when I tried to discuss my financial fears with him was extreme, frightening really. Following that, he started voicing suspicions of me- endless suspicions. That the man I babysat for, male friends of mine at church, even my cousin from Utah, strangers we bumped into might be people I was cheating on him with. He made it out that he had been cheated on and let down by everyone in his life. I tried to tell myself it was okay and that soon he would see the real me. But it never stopped- the paranoia in him just grew- to the point of violence even a few times. The anger was the most alarming- he won’t listen to a word I say and just yells endlessly if I ever disagree with him. And there’s more- generalized suspicions that I am lying to him about many things- what these things are I do not know. All I know is endlessly he tells me he does not trust me. That I need to respect him and trust him. That I cannot question his finances. I’ve wayched him spend half of his earnings on pot and fast food- and as of Monday my car was repoed, and as of Wednesday I received notice that we are to be evicted today if we cannot come up with rent. And now I have become pregnant with his child. I am seven weeks along. I am scared for my children’s future. I am scared for myself and this new child. I am terrified to go it alone, and I want more than anything to be able to make things work, to have a life with this man who is the father to the child I carry.


He has not been diagnosed, but after reading the symptoms of PPD I am 100% certain he has the illness. He demonstrates all 7 of the criteria listed in diagnosis. This of course has me even more concerned, yet somewhat hopeful as in pinpointing the issue perhaps there is something I can learn to make a plan for how to handle him best.

Specifically, I want to know how to deescalate him when he rages, I want to know how to be able to voice my concerns and worries and to be heard without him losing control. What can I do to make this a workingnrelationship where I am respected and not cut down endlessly by him? What can I say to help him see how dire our financial crisis is, and how together we can fix things so we are not constantly failing financially and as a couple?

Please help...