In search of help and answers

Hello everyone.

I'm a 26 year old male from Portugal. I have joined this forum because I suspect I may suffer from Paranoid Personality Disorder Forum, and I don't know what to do about it, or how to tackle it.

Let me tell you a bit about myself: when I was 17, I had a girlfriend with who I broke up. I was a silly kid, making my way into weed, and like most teenagers, I didn't knew what I wanted from life. Me and that girl dated for a few months before breaking up; during this period, on a night out and while completely high, a friend of mine came to tell me he was seeing her. This came as a shock to me; this girl had spent the last month telling me how she loved me and wanted to be with me. For whatever reason , I wanted her back and ended up dating her for 2 years more. During that time, I was agressive, anxious; I always thought she was cheating on me, even though there were no signs of it; and I acted on it very irrationally.

I changed University courses a lot, lost my grandfather in a disaster and basically had 2 gap years. We broke up, I started University and met another girl with who I ended up having a 3 year relationship. During this time, I always thought she was cheating on me aswell. I wasn't as agressive, but was very irrational, and picked up on every little thing to use as proof that I was right.

We eventually broke up, I finished University and some months later I met this wonderful person with who I am still with. We will be together for a year next week, but unfortunately, I have barely changed. I am not agressive in a regular basis now-a-days, but may be if I get too worked up. I still make these fabrications that she is cheating on me, with little to no rational grounds for the accusations.

I feel I have delt with this problem for a very long time, and I don't know what to do about it. It's not only about relationships, sometimes I think people are talking about me behind my back, people lie to me, my friends aren't my friends and are plotting things against me.

I'm better at dealing with it today then I was in the past, but I'm far from being "cured", if I will ever be. I don't want to lose this person I'm with and I'm afraid I'll end up pushing her away with my mistrust and behaviour. I don't want that.

I feel that when I'm stressed, sad or anxious I end up having these thoughts often. I don't know what causes them, and I don't know what to do about it. I was wondering if anyone could talk to me, tell me what you think about my problem, tell me about ways to better deal with this, advice me on some reading materials and tell me if may suffer from PPD.

I will be around to answer any questions anyone can have, and I would really appreciate any help. I want to get better and I don't know how to.

Thank you so much in advance.