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Thought for years it was just social anxiety

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Thought for years it was just social anxiety

Postby crazyladynextdoor » Mon Apr 02, 2018 5:03 pm

I am very severely affected by social anxiety disorder, BUT I have also come to understand that I also have really bad paranoia about people saying or doing things intended to hurt me in small or indirect ways. I've seen people on here talk about ow they think people are always secretly giving them the finger or they think people secretly hate them. Yes, I get that.
I do not have issues with romantic partners because I'm asexual, so I am not in a relationship and never have that. I don't get paranoid about my closest friends or close family doing these things to hurt me.
My issues seem to be set off by people I don't know very well or am not very close to.
I do not get paranoid about murderers hiding in my yard or the government plotting things against me. It's all small things like always thinking people are insulting me when they walk by or giving me the finger. Everywhere all the time. I also have a fear that my MacBook is hacked even though there's no definitive proof of it and haven't had any major problems thus far.
I don't have a straight diagnosis of PPD, but my caseworker says I'm paranoid and has told other health care workers I am paranoid. I see traits of this personality disorder in myself and it is killing me. Always thinking people are out to get you, and that the whole world hates you is just exhausting and so depressing. I'm jaded by this.

I've accused so many hapless people of doing or saying things to me when they actually didn't, and ruined relationships. This paranoia has spilled over and tainted everywhere I've been to. I have thought that a professor at my art college said I looked like a squirrel. And right now currently believe that another counsellor at the mental health clinic I go to regularly has called me a horse. If I wasn't bothered by this I would laugh at this because I know it sounds ridiculous. But it's actually ruining my life.

I currently hold strong the belief that my sister's BF hates my guts. I always think he is saying horrible things to me under his breath or indirectly sneaking in insults whenever I open my mouth to speak. I think he hates everything about me even though I am friendly and polite. It's making me suicidally depressed.
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Re: Thought for years it was just social anxiety

Postby Quoth » Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:30 pm

The thing to be born in mind is that paranoia is dependent on a primitive defence mechanism. It’s root cause is actually personal aggression of the sufferer. Unable to process those emotions the individual splits expelling all ‘bad’ outside themselves and retaining all the ‘good’ within themselves.

The mmpi-2 has three scales to measure PPD, persecutory ideas (bad outside), Poignancy (sensitivity) and Naiveté (Good inside) which correspond to this type of splitting.

To a degree a person with PPD is experiencing their own aggression being bounced back at them.

There are other causes for the wariness and suspicion of others, abuse (bullying), trauma and social anxiety being a few examples. AvPD could conceivably be another.
as if in a broken jug for one backwards moment
water might keep its shape

https://youtu.be/VivuMRzQyw0
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