Years of unhappiness with a PPD Mother

Hi there - first post. So here goes. Since I was small, I was conditioned to walk on eggshells. i grew up trying to be the perfect child. My dad was really good at covering up for my Mother's PPD in public and did everything to try to protect his children. Sadly, my beloved Dad died of cancer in the late 80s and i nursed him at home. One the day of his death -he warned me all their friends would be gone within a year and my Mother would make my life hell. My Mother overall is a wonderful person but as the PPD kept showing up - I was being torn between my mum and this other person came with no warning and verbally attacked me relentless. Of course, I always apologise for the imaginary slights. Sometimes i have to send flowers. if there is a crises going on- Mum seems to snap out of her Paranoia. Sadly in the late 90s. As my mother had totally isolated herself from everyone but her children, she would look after my 2 small girls. One day, my Mum brought my daughters home from kindy and school when a elderly drunken driver reversed into them and killed my youngest daughter. I tried to get my mother to come to counselling with me but of course it failed terribly. I worked really hard to convince her that did not blame her for my daughter's death (which I truly didn't). But over the years -the accusations came from left field and were dished out to myself and my brothers. She has also taken to ringing and writing to official departments about something delusional, rang the police when a red cross worker came to her house door knocking. She states the neighbours slam all their doors when she goes outside, thinks Political parties send people to befriend her, to find out who she is voting for and on and on. She would have nothing to do with her brother or sister and I acted as go between. Sadly, her sister developed Alzheimers and I was her Power of Attorney for many years. My mother refused to believe her sister was ill. She stated it was attention seeking and she NEVER visited her. My Aunt passed last May and we have finally finished the probate. My mother has been going on and on about her phone bill. So, I did a terrible thing. Yes, I bought her an iphone plus and a year phone contract. We went to her house (Fort Knox) and my daughter and I showed her how to use it. When we came home. we rang her several times as she wanted to practise. Everyone was laughing and we said goodnight. The next few days I was away and when I returned i rang my mother. 15 times -no answer!!! The iphone also seemed to have gone flat. I was shaky and getting ready to drive to her house -I thought she had fallen or worse. Finally after 8 hours -she answered. Out of left field i was accused of having a random woman with me when I rang and humiliated her (the night we were practising).Again i profusely apologised. Then more calls went unanswered. *this is also a common pattern of hers. Finally in a calm voice I left a message saying 'Hi Mum -obviously you are not answering my calls again, if you think so little of me that i would bring strangers to my house to ring and humiliate you ? Then fine - i will leave you alone. This was of course stupid of me ! She rang back and said she did not appreciate how I spoke to her In fact I was 'contemptuous' *SIDE NOTE ..this is always said in a very aggressive manner. That I was to listen carefully. There was a new law where everyone had to learn to drive a manual car (* Not completely true). That she was going to take me driving so she could enjoy watching me squirm and feel humiliated. If i did not do this, she was going to report me to the Dept of Transport and have my licence taken away. I was crying by now and asking ..why was she being so cruel and at this point she was laughing and kept saying 'now you will know' I hung up and my Husband said i may need to not contact her anymore and remember the lovely Mum i once had. She has rung several times since and i have not answered. she never leaves messages of course. I spoke with my brother who agreed I need time out and he will take over. I guess I would like to hear from other people and how they dealt with family members who suffer PPD. I have never calmly told my mother that this issue lies with her. I and my family have been enablers and I feel it is time to stop. My Mum is now 82 and I feel she will drive all the children and grandchildren away in the next year if we don't have a family plan.I was a counsellor for many years and the golden rule was never to invest in someone's delusions. I feel we as a family need to speak openly about her problem and that it is an illness. She may not react well but I feel the family needs to be aware and have a consistent plan on how we deal with her PPD.