Help/Advice About Dealing With PPD Lover

I have been in a relationship with a man, who I strongly believe has PPD, for 13+ years. Over this long period, he has accused me of various "wrongdoings" such as deleting my pictures off of his cell phone, sending him emails from another email account, and hacking into his personal home network and placing a virus on his computers. Somehow we got through these accusations, through my persistence with talking through the issues... although the last one was very hard to overcome. In all cases, he never admits he has falsely accused me and never apologizes.

Most recently, he accused me of taking pictures with my cell phone in his home, and he immediately blocked my cell phone from calling or texting him, and won't answer his home phone or door. He basically cut off all communication with me over this. I recently saw him at a store and when I persisted with trying to get him to talk with me, he stated that I've done terrible things to him over the years and he also knows I stole his house keys and have been in his house. I was absolutely flabbergasted.

Can anyone help me understand if it's possible to get through to him on these latest accusations, or whether I should simply stop trying and move on? I care deeply for him, but the experience of trying to reason with him and to get him to believe me is so excruciating, it's tearing me up.

I'd like to know what is the latest development, I know it's been sometime that you sent this with no reply although what u said is unbelievable since it almost seems your talking about me around the same time. I have done the same thing with my lover that am still seeing. The difference is that I am able to apologize considering i found my problem and feel horrible for ever accusing him. It's a bad way to be with someone who really cares. Now that I am not doing none of that, the only thing he deals with is my life problems .. which are bad considering I have someone close to me that is dying and he is aware especially since he has been thru a similar experience not that long ago providing the perfect things to say ... I just feel bad since he feels I overwhelm him when I am going thru a crisis persay. It's hard. I want help me as much as I can. I am mature enough to lose him if he so wishes, though if he doesn't I want to change and stop making things about me, right now it's hard with what I'm going thru and I feel so bad since I am not displaying much ppd only going to him with my crisis of losing a loved one and he simply doesn't want to be there. It's hard.

Hi dgj54,

You wrote:

I have been in a relationship with a man, who I strongly believe has PPD, for 13+ years.

Can anyone help me understand if it's possible to get through to him on these latest accusations, or whether I should simply stop trying and move on? I care deeply for him, but the experience of trying to reason with him and to get him to believe me is so excruciating, it's tearing me up.

Please read all PPD posts and then decide for yourself.
http://www.psychforums.com/paranoid-personality/topic174532.html#p1833303
Is this lover, which is a chosen relationship, worth the effort over the last 14+ years?
If worth the effort, then is he willing to go to therapy for PPD? If true PPD afflicted person, my suspicion is that he will not seek therapy. That should be a big red flag itself.

No one except an experienced professional or close family members and friends, who know both of you well, can truly advise you of what you should do? Every story and circumstance is unique. If family, friends, or professionals cannot be sought, then the listed items above should help.

Please do listen to your own gut instinct. Good Luck!

Since my original post in March '16, I was able to reconcile with my lover, although he basically refused to talk about his last accusation and, once more, did not apologize... it was all "water under the bridge." For the first few months, things were fine, and then our relationship slowly started to decline over a several month period. There weren't any "big" accusations, but there was a steady undercurrent of distrust and paranoia... he'd make snide remarks about me or our conversation. After awhile, it just wore me down, as it got harder and harder to "defend" myself for not doing anything. I made a conscious effort to pull back on our time together, and it seemed to matter little to him. =

So, to make a long story short, I told him I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me, and who didn't trust me. I put it all out on the table and told him I hoped we could stay friends and occasionally do things together. He, of course, made a point to tell me that he never trusted me, and we were never in love and had no relationship, and we were never friends. I was hurt beyond words - a decade and a half together, and that's how he chose to summarize our relationship. I'm still hurting and am trying hard to move ahead... and it is hard, but I will be fine in the long run. I have to be.