Self realisation & how to cope

I'm not sure if these threads are very active, but I've been reading through a lot of them over the last couple of days and am able to relate to people who have either been diagnosed with PPD or think they may have the symptoms of PPD. I have only arrived here after the suggestion from my husband - after he sent me a link to another forum where a guy was describing his experiences of living with his wife who has PPD. I have to say at this point that my spouse to date (been together 4 plus years) has been a saint - or at least he must be - to be putting up with the cr*p I send his way. On top of all the paranoias, and after an episode, I always feel dreadfully guilty and remorsful about how out of control I let myself get.

The post was painful to read. The guy in the post was desribing his experiences with his spouse to be like walking on egshells, not being able to look at another woman without being accused of ill intent, not being able to watch television if an attractive woman came on the screen, because his wife would go 'nuts' and accuse him of not wanting her. When my husband sent me this, and I read it through, I wondered is this really how he sees me ? Do I make his life really this miserable ? And when I asked him, he said that whislt some of the extremes in the post were not applicable, largely, this is how he feels.... here is the link
*mod edit*

As it happens, yesterday I was booked in to see a doctor to talk about getting some help for what I thought was anxiety & depression. She prescribed me some escitalopram and some sleeping tablets to help me get better rest, and next week I start therapy sessions with a Psychologist. I am starting to think that I should be talking to the Psychologist about PPD - but want to hear from anyone who either has it, or thinks they have it about going down that road.

Right now I am feeling pretty bad/sad - as the majority of the reading I have managed to squeeze into my working day since he sent me the link to the post points to the spouse of the person with PPD running fast in the other direction, and the person with the PPD not ever really being fixed - just managing the disorder.

I would love to hear insights on origins of the ppd, associated behaviours you can acknowledge in yourself, the triggers, how you cope, how you can help your spouse cope and most of all, do you feel it will ever get fixed ?

Thanking you all in advance...

.. coping.

Hello
I'm relatively new to this site as well as my first post was around May and I wrote in the Avpd forum by then. I know that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder with melancholic (this is another PD) traits for four years now, but I recently came to notice that I definitely fit the PPD criteria as well...
What made me even think about this possibility is that a friend of mine jokingly referred to me as "a little paranoid".
I always felt there was something "missing" about the PDs I had bc I had symptoms that couldn't be explained by them. I -secretly for myself- called this symptom complex "the beast". So I am somehow relieved that I at last have a real name for it now.
You write that you often feel very remorseful after "letting yourself go"... I know that pretty well- that's why I called this part of me the beast.
Again, I mainly am an Avpd... and for me in person, the PPD symptoms show up the most if I am forced to spend a huge amount of time with a person without interruption, let's say sharing a hotel room for about two or three days. I can "tame" the beast if I meet my friends only for some hours or so... and than have a break where I can be on my own. But, the more time I spend with someone, the more I feel I am unable to cope my aggression. I feel like everyone around me is superior to me, everyone is better than me, and I'm a completely worthless person with no skills at all- and this is than I hate myself so much, it's like I'm a vessel with a limited amount of space that is overflowing with self-hatred so that everybody around me gets to feel it. My environment react shocked, uncomprehendingly, and I even made people cry a few times (which I feel sooo bad about ...)
If I had to describe the beasty side of me to you: I'm afraid to tell people about my inner feelings, interesting ideas etc bc I'm afraid they could talk bad about me behind my back, I believe that everybody around me secretly despises and smiles at me, I believe that people don't really like me but only stay with me bc of pitty, I'm afraid to be treated unfairly, I think nobody can understand me or even wants to, I believe that people around me restrict me, disadvantage me, I'm afraid to be exploited, I'm extremely jailous about other one's good characteristics, I'm reproachful and tend to be very self righteous... etc, etc
And the worst- (for me, not to speak about my environment) is that while I am preoccupied with these kind of thoughts, one part of me always knows that "most" of the crap I'm thinking about is stupid but still I can't stop behaving aggressive, offensive and strenuous...
Over the years, I've learned to restrict the beast to a certain extent. What really helps me is Maladaptive Daydreaming, having breaks where I can be on my own, and, most important, being watchful to my train of thoughts and my behaviour to the outside. Strangely, it's more easy to me to keep the beast in chains if I don't even let it go.
In regards to PDs in general, I came to the conclusion that they're not very likely to be healed bc I never read, met or heared about someone to be cured. It took me years to accept that without totally giving up to myself...
For me in personal, the one who describes best how PDs develop, work and why they are so hard to heal is Rainer Sachse. (But this is a very controversial topic and I'm not sure if there's something about him in English language at all ) Ainsworth's bonding theory is also very important. And, finally, if you want to know about different subtypes of PDs and some further stuff, there's Theodore Millon.
I know this is a VERY long post and I hope you didn't fall asleep reading it...