Divorcing my DD husband- and much happier

I filed for divorce last June after a 10 year marriage. My husband began making accusations about affairs and sexual indiscretions about 4 years into our marriage. This went on for 4 years. We have three children. He was officially diagnosed while I was pregnant with the third child with PPD. Once I spoke to his doctor myself, the doctor realized it was more severe with jealous delusion.

Living with him was an absolute nightmare. Not only was there the endless interrogations, but he bullied me financially, coerced me sexually, and engaged me in a never ending stream of conflict. He stalked me with GPS hidden in my car, put a camera in our bathroom and made video of me in the shower among other things. (He "confessed" to the videotaping only because he thought I had hacked into his computer and had seen the video files he made.) I know he is truly an ill person, but I can think of quite a few adjectives we "lay people" use to describe people like this. I cannot feel sorry for him after what he put me and the children through.



He is putting me through the emotional and financial wringer with the divorce. He is battling me for joint custody, of course. I am being accused of the same things- now by his lawyer! This divorce is just awful- I have to spend 1/2 the weekends without the children, but it is better than them being raised in the same home with him, I can assure you that. (That's a problem with the legal system- they put a temporary visitation schedule in place until your court date, and it can take a year to get to court. In the meantime, no one knows your spouse is psychotic because you HAVEN"T SEEN A JUDGE YET TO TELL HIM!!) So, I have to send my 1 year old off with someone who is sick and unmedicated.

In spite of all the difficulties of getting out of this hellish marriage, I am so relieved to not be living with him anymore. After 10 years of never being able to count on having a peaceful night, I marvel at KNOWING I WILL go to bed tonight, and he will NOT keep me awake with his accusations and interrogations. I have been able to reconnect with the kind people in my life- relationships with other people were sabotaged by him during our marriage in order to keep me focused on HIM. I am so, so glad I made this decision, and I can tell you I agonized over it for a long, long time.

If there is anyone out there who is trying to raise children amid the chaos of living with someone like this, I want you to know that the day you file for divorce is the day you will start to get your life back. I was very fortunate that our former marriage counselor recognised how ill he is, and provided an affidavit to the judge which persuaded him to issue a Temporary Protective Order. My home has now become my "safe place" when during our marriage, it was the most threatening place to be. If you are scared to get out, I'm willing to communicate with you and let you borrow some of my courage- you'll need it. In turn, I am borrowing on the faith of a very devout Christian friend who assures me that God has me in the palm of His hand. I had the courage to get out, now I just need to know everything will fall into place- with the children being still very young.

I know that as hard as this is, I will never have future regrets. I spent 10 years on this, but I am so glad I did not spend 20, 30 or 50. And, my children will have a MUCH better childhood- with a happy mom- even if we have to spend some of the time apart. Take care, friends.

You have been to hell! and seen evil.

I have been there too. I wish I were not.

It is unbelievable.

It is a madness in a sane body.

Different creature.

No reality.

It is outside normal logic and reality.

My friendly world was shattered.

It was hell.

I warmly welcome you back to paradise.

It is important to stay with nice and normal people to heal.

It is important to learn to distinguish a lamb from a lion.

You know the title of your post saddens me beyond belief. Guess you couldn't of really loved him that much to give up and be happy about it. Yes, its hard, yes it sucks. Too bad you didn't know when you married. My husband knows and does everything he can, but what your doing is heartbreaking. With pdd, if he didn't love you he probibly wouldn't give a $#%^ if you were cheating on him. The more he obsesses the more he loves you. To just give up and be glad it makes me sick. I know its a pain, but if you really loved him you would try to work things out. Too many people give up.

Once again you make me sick. No remose? Do you know what kind of pain he must go through? You don't even give a ###$. You know I think its better on his belaf that you left him you cold selfish bitch. I hope he can find someone who actuall loves him next time. Enjoy the rest of your life I hope its hell.

Ok sorry bout that but it just makes me really upset that you can just feel no remorse and peg yourself the victum, when your husband who you are suppose to love is suffering. My husband said though (I have pdd) that "i" don't know what its like to deal with it, but this $#%^ inside.. I don't know how it would be worse to be the one without it.

Work out your problems. Reach an agreement with the children. An agreement you can both live with. It doesn't nessearily be a horrible battle.

Phoenix,
I am glad you apologised, as your posts were quite abusive. Please try to remember that this is an open forum for both people suffering with the PD and those living with those suffering.
I understand your struggles with PPD, but you must understand that to those of us who dont have this, and dont have those insecurities, being constantly accused of things for years and years that we have not done, and causes pain and trouble in what would be a normal secure relationship does cause problems, insecurities and hurtful incidents.
I am glad your partner is standing by you and understanding, but this does not mean that everyone can do the same.
You have attacked this person without knowing all the facts.
The truth of the matter is, however much this may hurt, is that a normal well adjusted person does not constantly accuse someone who is not doing anything wrong. It is very sad for the person who cannot trust, and who has for whatever reason been scarred in life to feel this way. Everyone has a right to be happy, and if this lady could not find that with her partner, perhaps because she did not know of all of these troubles in their early relationship, then that is her choice, and she has a right to express her opinion on this forum.
I wish you good luck with your endeavours, and hope that you are seeking the help you need.
Alice - Good luck in your life. I am sure you will move on to better things.

They don't know what its like and think it so easy to just get away from it. We can't do that. That at the insitiution of marriage in this day in age is a joke and it makes me sick. Especially when somone IS sick, like her husband is and I am and people can be just greatful to get away. People don't take a lot of mental disorders as seriously as they should.