by misscandy » Sun Apr 17, 2016 11:35 pm
I am not sure if what I experience is the same thing but it does sound so very similar that I think it might be. It is a bit of a relief to read about other people experiencing something like I do, and somewhat comforting that no one has pinned down what is happening. It's strange that that is comforting but it is. I found it really scary to search for things like 'voices in my head'.
The thing is I feel like I can only describe them as voices. It's a state of mind that seems to have these 'voices' attached, but it seems like they are not mine or in my own voice. I always feel like there is a woman and they try to 'say' the same things every time. It's a feeling and I try to make sense of what is being 'said', but it's never clear. It's just like a nonsense script. Mostly a female but sometimes a male 'impression', too. It's so hard to describe.
The thoughts race through my head. It comes at a speed faster than my normal thought process. And it feels panicky, even though I can be completely calm. It always happens when I am alone, too. It's like a rush of blood to the head. It lasts for a few minutes, typically, and then subsides.
The first time I experienced it was in recurring dreams I would have as a child. I never experienced it in waking life until I was 16, on the day I had a terrible car accident that changed my life completely. It happened hours before the accident. I recognized it immediately as being the same sensation as what I had in my dreams, because the dreams stood out to me when I was little, and still do to this day.
I am 29 now, and this sensation is happening more frequently now. After that one time when I was 16, I didn't have them for years. I was dealing with other mental health issues, such as depression and addiction to cannabis (which I think is related to being on a morphine drip while I was hospitalized after my accident). Perhaps, that helped with the issue, because they only started coming back to me once I beat my addiction. Now, it is happening a couple times a week.
I found it interesting that someone talked about blood pressure. I was recently put on a blood pressure medication by a dermatologist. I am not great at taking it every day. I feel like it could also be related to being on the medication or not taking it. However, I haven't been documenting the incidents so can't really say there is a correlation. Today, it came on pretty strongly, and thus began my google search that brought me here. I didn't take the medication today. I think I will start to keep a journal of when it occurs and the circumstances of the situation. It's always been a wonder to me, but I never found them to be that serious. It's just slightly off-putting.