PLEASE HELP ME

where do i even begin? for these last 3 years after a bad weed edible trip I have been feeling suicial and panicky EVERY DAY. PLEASE I AM CONVINCED I AM SLIPPING INTO PHYSCOSIS OR SCHIZOPHRENIA! every night i have racing thoughts ( a sign of schizophrenia) with the most random chatter (like when its really bad its just music replaying in my head and images of me in a mental hospital with a big shiny white light and doctors trying to sedate me) , and i also overthink so much that I can't even verbalize what I am thinking (like very abstract concepts) Like it can start with me observing a chair, and end with me trying to discover the meaning of life. I also have these weird random deep thoughts all the time. LIKE THEY ARE SO WIERD AND UNRELATED I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN THEM. (Like what if that slice of cheese had feelings? or some physcotic sounding #######4 like that) I GET SCARED OF BEING ALIVE AND KNWING I HAVE HANDS. I AM JUST CELLS IN AN UNFORGIVING BALL OF ENERGY WITH A EVIL GOD WHO RUNS THE UNIVERSE. I can't stop my thoughts. They're so unrelated and they bump into each other like cars in a traffic accident. i am terrified i am the only one experiencing this and no one knows what I'm going through, what if I'm the only person who thinks like i do? PLUS I AM ALWAYS SPACED OUT IN MY IMAGINATION. I AM SO IMAGINATIVE I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE THE DREAMS AND PLACES I THINK. HALF THE TIME I FORGET WHERE I AM OR WHAT IM DOING BECAUSE IM VIZUALIZING $#%^. MY IMAGES IN MY HEAD ARE MADE OF SO MANY COLORS AND THEY HAVE THIS CERTAIN FEELING TO THEM I CANT CONVEY. I'm so scared I'm physcotic and a crazy person. IM SCARED NO ONE ELSE THINKS LIKE I DO? HOW CAN I BE SURE IM NORMAL!?? If i become schizophrenic please just kill me. omg. will my constant thinking lead to physcosis? I can't even ######6 sleep at night. I feel so depressed and a waste of space for having all these issues. I also get uncontrollable rage at times and i feel so hopeless. I know I'm ######6 crazy. Im going to get physcosis. please god shoot me now. I'm so scared I'm going to commit suicide even though I don't want to. why me?!!! I HAVE NO FEELINGS LEFT. I FEEL THE NEED TO WRITE OUT ALL MY SYMPTOMS SO I CAN BE SURE IM NOT PHYSCOTIC. AM I EVEN MAKING SENSE RIGHT NOW? WHAT IF IM PARANOID? WHAT IF IM AN EXPERIMENT AND EVERYONE ELSE IS OBSERVING ME? I SOUND CRAZY? SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN!! WTF?!! And now all of a sudden I'm thinking about drake and josh something totally non related ( a sign of schizophrenia). see how my thoughts change so fast and are not related. will my overthinking lead to physcosis?? PLEASE HELP.

It's been several months, how are you feeling now?