just realized I have PSPD

This is about Persistent Somatoform Pain Disorder...


For about four years I experienced emotional pain so intense that I almost killed myself. Then I actually tried...twice. Obviously Im still here. Since then...I have been deeply numb. My emotions come up in isolated moments...sometimes I cry...but for the most part its as if I have ceased to actually feel emotional pain the way that a personal normally would feel it.

I have been experiencing chronic aches and pains throughout my entire body for over a year now ...with no reasonable medical cause. At one point I thought that it was from a gluten intolerance...So I stopped eating gluten and that actually removed one layer of the pain and made it better. But the rest of the pain is still with me...and theres a lot of it.

Its as if the things that once caused me emotional pain ...now cause me physical pain instead. If I go into a dark enough place mentally...the feeling of chemicals transmitting in my brain becomes actually painful and I often get a headache at that point...though theres already such a baseline of chronic pain everywhere its actually hard to quantify an actual pattern to it...though it is clear that emotionally triggering things/events make the physical pain worse even though its "just physical".

I have not yet been diagnosed with PSPD by a professional...not officially...but Im afraid that such a diagnosis would not be hard to end up with if I got another exam with this new information.

Has anyone else dealt with this sort of stuff before? I just found out today that this disorder exists and its starting to explain all sorts of stuff in my life...like why when I was a teenager I would have seizures even though I wasnt epileptic...and why at one point my legs stopped working for half an hour even though I had no nerve damage or relevant medical condition...though its all really confusing to be totally honest.

it also explains to some degree why no matter how often I get a massage the pain doesnt really go away...because every time Im emotionally triggered it comes back. So its not an issue of me damaging my muscles with physical activity or a matter of a specific isolated event in the past causing knots/stress which can be worked out...its a matter of the physical pain being an actual displacement or replacement of the latent emotional pain which could be even more terrifying on a psychic level.

It sort of feels like ive been hooked up to a tens unit on medium low strength for weeks and weeks and my muscles are stiffening and feel like theyre filled with lactic acid even though i never excercise. When something disturbs or upsets me its like someone turns up the volume on the tens unit and my muscles hurt worse. its terrible.

any support or ideas about how to cope or heal would be greatly appreciated. thank you so much.

Hi, hellruna_violet! It could help you to tell a doctor about this stuff and ask for a diagnosis. Maybe there is special therapy to help you go through everything, I think there might be support systems for people who suffer from all kinds of disorders, depending on where you live.
Do you think that talking about your emotional pain might help? You could do it here too.
Sorry if this isn't very helpful, try posting about it in more forums if you like.
How are you?