My live in boyfriend has a son that has ADHD and ODD. He takes anti-psychotic and ADHD meds (I forget the names right now). He is not allowed to go to a regular school due to his behavior and goes to a school with only 3 other kids in the classroom. He has just turned 10 and has been kicked out of 6 daycares over the last 7 years due to behavior.
I have a 12 yr old son who I have always enforced things like table manners, etiquette, etc with him. Now that boyfriend's son comes to visit every other weekend, I expect the same from him. But he can't do the simple things like not interrupt, not put his head on the table when we eat, lil tantrums when ever we do something he doesn't want to do. Apparently having rules and manners was so bad for him, he started regressing at school earlier this year and his mom and my boyfriend demanded I go back to letting him do what he wants for his progress to continue (every other weekend, he gets to determine everything in my house and I am sick of it - most of the time he just wants to sit in front of the tv).
His dad allows him to play things like modern warfare call of duty video games, which makes me mad and I argue with him that it's probably not good for him if he has anger and aggression issues.
His son always stares at me too, but when I look at him, he hides, behind furniture, walls, whatever. It really creeps me out. Anytime I talk to his dad, he interrupts every single time, no matter whatever he has to say ("oh the sky is blue, look outside dad")
I finally told my boyfriend I am a little scared of his son, the staring and tantrums and him knowing it's my rules not his dads - I'm afraid it divides us and the child will see that and focus his anger and aggression issues at me. I'm also concerned about what this teaches my son - he doesn't understand ODD and ADHD, he just sees this kid making all the calls. His dad thinks I am being ridiculous. I don't feel like I am but I am not that familiar with these conditions to know or not. His dad isn't involved at all in his treatment plan (we live 100 miles away from his son) so I feel like he doesn't even know what to be concerned about/treatment.
Am I being ridiculous? Any words of wisdom with this situation?