I don't know if I can take this anymore!

I am SO happy to have found this board! I do not know what to do and don't know where else to turn. My 3-yr-old son is ODD, though not officially diagnosed. He meets all of the criteria, and has been this way well over 6 months. He has his rages several times a day! I just found out about ODD 3 weeks ago. I've scheduled him an appointment with a child psych, but I can't get him in for 6 weeks! I've enrolled in a NAMI class, but that doesn't begin for 3 more weeks. In the meantime, I am merely reading The Defiant Child. I think I am taking all of the right steps, but I often don't feel like I can make it through the day!

This kid brings me to tears regularly. Today he got so mean and defiant, I wanted to just leave (but, of course, I didn't.) I felt like he has created this same rage that he has within me! (Which is, of course, his goal!) It took me over an hour to stop thinking of how much I hated him! Then I just cried my eyes out because I felt like such a horrible mother for thinking that I hated him. I really do try to stay calm, but I feel like I can only take so much! All day, every day is just too much! He d oes spend a lot of time with his grandparents, which helps a lot, but as soon as he comes home, I wish he was gone again!

I have a 3-month old girl, and I'm terrified of all of this negativity affecting her. And I'm more terrified of her ending up the same way! So with all of it, I have constant anxiety. I feel like I need Valium or something just to get me through until they put HIM on something!

Anyway, I guess I just really needed to vent and tell you I'm really glad you're here! Although I knew I wasn't alone, it helped to actually "talk" to others affected by this!

You are not alone. I, too, have a child named Evan and have been going through the ODD thing for many years. He displayed symptoms at the young age of 1 1/2 years. His behavior has changed over time (he is now 7 1/2), but we are still dealing with outbursts, extreme defiance with his parents (at school he's great, of course) and so on.

I can't write much now, as I'm headed out the door. Don't feel alone. I have had so many times of sitting in the tub, crying, asking for someone to please help him. I understand the 'hate' you feel toward them. You want them to do good, but after being the recipient of such behavior, it's only natural to feel 'beat up' and not very loving toward them. I'm having that sort of day, today.

If you need to chat, feel free to respond.

I just thought of a few things I wanted to tell you that helped me when my child was at your child's age:

1. "The Explosive Child", by Dr. Greene (I think) was the best book I ever read regarding my child's behavior. I wish I had read it when Evan was younger. Has some great tips. Do yourself a favor and check it out if you already haven't. It would have saved me SO many arguments with Evan had I known some of the strategies.

2. You have got to get away on a regular basis. If you are a stay-at-home mom (I was) it's imperative. My husband would walk in the door and I would just start crying and say "I'm leaving". This is also for the best interest of your child.

3. We saw a psychologist (and a psychiatrist) for family counseling. Because my child would NOT do sit-outs or stay in his room, she suggested a form of punishment to get him 'in control' that actually DID work. I can explain it in detail, if you like, so let me know. It basically is a form of 'time out' but has steps to it designed for the child who won't sit in a typical time out. This was especially effective for Evan when he was your son's age.

4. You have to have a very supportive friend or family member. Either a husband, parent, etc. A husband is ideal, as it makes it much easier to 'leave' when you need to. It's also important to try to be very consistent (you and your husband, assuming you are married) with regards to discipline for the child.

Something as simple as telling myself "This too shall pass" has surprisingly helped when I had all I could take. Sounds silly, I know, but it's a strong reminder, nonetheless.

All this is food for thought. Hope your days have been getting easier.

[color=Hi. i am new here. i can't beleive what i am reading. This is the first one i clicked on and i was reading exactly what lives within me. i can't take it anymore, either. i have had lots of patience with my son, but i live the hate, hate hate thing, and then i live also with the i am a horrible mother feelings. i can only take so much. i am only human. My son is now 11, but when he was at that age, i was feeling the same way. i also could not give him time outs....unless i wanted a major production about it for a few hours.

i have been thinking seriously of looking into the possibilities of putting him into a residential home. Back then, i could not think of those possibilities, but after a decade of his crap....even though i love him and always will....i'm thinking seriously of doing it because i'm afraid that if i don't, he'll be in jail.


i'm glad there is other people out their who understand.

I don't want to be contradicting you but children arround age three often have symptoms that are ODD and are not. He could havel something medical going on. Have you visited you pediatrician?

Hi there,

First time poster here, I have 3 boys, 2 with ODD. One is 16 and while he is not a school discipline problem, he has many other ODD symptoms, such as tries to stay away from home long as possible so he doesn't have any rules. He's run away a couple of times, only going about 10 minutes down the road but was very defiant. He has been caught skipping school and getting high a few times. We try and deal with the one day at a time concept. We have tried being VERY strict and that seems to backfire. In fact, I've run the house as a drill sergeant only to have the walls end up with holes in them. It doesn't help when fellow parents make comments like they would kill their kids if they did what mine do. My 16 yr. old is a sweet guy, we have rules such as when to call home to say where you are and we need phone numbers of where you are. He is VERY good about that, so I'm trying to pick my battles.
However, my biggest issue is my 12 yr. old. He got suspended Friday for the 3rd time this year. Why? Because he has had EIGHT science teachers this year due to an array of problems. And everytime one comes on board with their new rules, he can't adapt. He also has ADHD and is on Concerta. He's very bright and driven BUT he's been sent out of science class so much, he's got a horrible grade. We have 8 weeks left of school, I'm afraid he's going to get expelled. I want to home school him BUT he is VERY aggressive and angry about this, he is very social with a girlfriend. If I home schooled, he would only have 5 weeks left. I don't want him expelled because if he gets that we can't get him into a military school that is supposed to be excellent for ADHD boys. Any thoughts? We have started therapy, this year has been hell with puberty and teacher changes. The school is fed-up. No punishments help, we read The Defiant Child and used the practices, we ended with bigger holes in the walls, so please don't lecture me on being a bad mom. I have a 19 yr.old that doesn't have ADHD or ODD who is going to Engineering School, so I did something right. Everyday, I get depressed and cry. No one understands, everytime I talk to someone about it, they tell me it's all in the parenting, so then I go downward in this dark spiral. I want out of the hell I am living, there are times I've questioned my faith and cursed myself for having him. Then I feel guilty.....

Someone help me.......

Hi! I am new here, but I think this is where I am suppose to be. I am a mother of 3-a 7, 5, and 3 year old. My 3 year old was just recently diagnosed with ODD. For almost all of his life we have been dealing with and trying to get help for him-school programs, OT's, psychiatrists. When he was 1 he was diagnosed with extreme sensory integration dysfunction and when he was 2 he was diagnosed on the autism spectrum(although he isn't). I agree with the SID diagnosis and we have worked very hard to help him overcome some of his sensitivity. However, as his sensitivity is going down, his oppositional, aggressive, defiant, bad mooded behavior is getting worse. We have to watch him around our other children because he is so violent towards them-both when mad and not. His rages are very destructive and we frequently have to put him in "holds" so he won't hurt himself or others. He has basically taken control over the mood of the house. When he is happy, everyone is happy and when he isn't, nobody is. We have been banned from playgroups, asked to leave stores, and had strangers come up and spank him. When my son does what my son wants, he can be so sweet and enjoyable, but the minute something becomes boring or he is told he has to do something-all hell breaks loose.

We are having trouble finding a discipline method that he responds to. We put him in timeout and he yells and screams and makes threats, but there is no lasting effect and he usually does the same "wrong" thing right away. He is also showing signs that he is bipolar(a very strong family history), but since he just turned 3, his psychiatrist won't diagnose him. Sorry for the rampling, but any help would be greatly appreciated.