Sup

Sorry for the crappy title. lol

Hi everyone, I found this site by accident looking for something different but from looking around I feel like it may be the place for me. I've been wanting to express myself for sometime now but never knew who, or how to do it.

I'm 17, a teenager, you know how it is, we RARELY talk about our problems with our parents. For me, I find it really difficult to express my thoughts out loud. I didn't find out I had ODD until I was about 15. As a kid I was pretty bad, everyday in elementary I would roam the schoolyard looking for someone to pick a fight with, ALWAYS defied what others said, never got along with anyone except the extremely few friends I have. I used to always think I had some kind of anger issue, after looking up what ODD was when I was told I had it, it had all made sense.

Funny thing is, I was never given any drugs for it, and I think I've turned out pretty ok. At least thats what everyone thinks. On the inside, I still have that anger issue, but I havent physically hit anyone for quite a few years. Part of me would never want to get into a situation where I may fight someone, but another part of me wishes for the time when that would happen. My mom worries for me for this exact reason. I haven't felt like I need to vent my rage on anything as strongly as I have in say, the last year or two.

I've actually become pretty good at controlling myself and have held this feeling at bay. But there are times when I feel like I could explode, so instead of taking it out on someone, I take it out on objects instead (walls for example).

As a kid I've seen numerous people for this anger problem, some of the help I recieved back then I think has helped me greatly in how I cope with it, even though its probably not the most health of ways. Whenever I get into situations where I feel I could just tear some persons head off for any reason, I always hold it back and store it until it goes away. But whenever I feel the feeling again its stronger.

It makes me feel good in a way because most of the time I'm a nice guy, I'm easy to get along with (now I am, back then, not so much. haha), I'm sort of shy, and I usually avoid confrontations.. But when the anger takes over, I feel a state of mind where I can (in a ways) do and say whatever I want, and noone can do squat. Noone can say whatever they want to me anymore because now their to afraid to speak to me. (im pretty scary when im pissed)

Writing this has taken a pretty large weight of my shoulders, if anyone cared to read the whole thing I thank you.

Hi, robbie! Have you thought about getting into a sport or maybe a martial art to get rid of your anger and need for confrontation that way? It's great that you can keep it under control now, but it must be hard for you to know that people are a bit scared of you.
You can post here any time. Talking about a problem also helps a lot.

Thanks for the reply jasmin!

Im actually into a sport, but martial arts seems like a neat idea. When I was younger I took Tae Kwon Do (did i spell that right??) but I didnt progress very far (for obvious reasons) and the dojo has moved.

People arent as scared of me now as they were back then, ever since I started going to high school alot of other kids from other schools mix with the people I used to go to school with. So the ones who know me tend to avoid me a little, or just find me annoying (because im still on the annoying side sometimes. haha), and the ones who dont know me...well I usually avoid people I dont know that well, and it works for me.

Talking about it really does help, but im not really known to the people who know me for being on the open side.

You could try to teach your anger a little discipline if you find a martial art that you like, or so I've heard, lol.
You can always talk here and maybe you'll open up to a friend when it feels right. There's no need to rush things if you're not comfortable with something.

Robbie are you still here? I was really grateful to have read your post; it was inspiring to read of someone being able to control the anger. I am wondering if there are specific things that you feel helped you be able to control the anger.

As for sports... there have been some studies that show that levels of aggression rise for up to... here I am blurry... it was either 48 or 72 hours after the sport. So Freud's(?) idea of catharsis seems to not hold water, at least in this case. The sports that were used in the studies that I can remember were using a punching bag and a few competitive sports ... although which ones they were I cannot remember... for some reason hockey comes to mind.

Oh! ... and Robbie... IF you are still here... could you please also tell me if you have any comorbid diagnosis? If so, could you tell me what?
I am enquiring because I am wondering if a friend of mine would benefit from any advice you could give.
Thank you so much!