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ODD ruining our family: High-Achieving 12 yr old daughter

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ODD ruining our family: High-Achieving 12 yr old daughter

Postby ODD? » Fri May 17, 2013 9:51 pm

Please help if have advice or know of similar scenario: Our 12 year old daughter is in 6th grad, is a very high achiever in school. Tested into all advanced-placement classes, loves being on student council, has been highly self-driven since she was 3 or 4 years old. school is her solace and she thrives in church youth groups. Since she was a kindergardener up until know in 6th grade we have heard over and over and over by every teacher: "I wish I had a whole class full of students like your daughter". At home it is a complete 180 degree change. She is increasingly selfish, defiant, defiant, without conscience, and completely void of any respect, manners, kindness, or responsibility. Her tantrums and outbursts have gone from disruptive to violent. Our younger child has to sleep elsewhere due to the trauma and drama every night. Trips to the E.R. for assessment, to the family doctor for assessment, and counseling have done nothing. Our family is falling apart. We don't have (private) insurance and are fighting to get her into "the system" through her state Medicaid coverage. In the E.R. she maniplulated the people who attempted to assess - but they were just making sure she was not a threat to herslef or others. She verbally attacked our family doctor today after she determined it wasn't a simple checkup. He told us she (& we) need immediate help - and that if we had a college fund or siomething to tap into that we should do it... but we do not. I'm adept at researching online and she definitely fits all but one of the diagnostic symptoms of ODD, if not all of them, but I cannot find examples of a child being so academically gifted and self driven and also with this level of ODD only at home. I fear that if we don't make strides soon, or at least find a direction that her behavior at school will begin to change. She tells us often that school is the only place she is happy. Meanwhile the rest of us, perts included, are falling apart. Please advise! ... feeling scared, sad, anxious, overwhelmed, and nearly hopeless.
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Re: ODD ruining our family: High-Achieving 12 yr old daughte

Postby chlov » Sat May 18, 2013 10:08 pm

I'm not sure, but this might be a milder ODD form, since she is good at "hiding it" at school but not at home.

I have ADHD+ODD+AS, my grades are about avarage (mostly Ds), and I'm not really the student who behaves the worst in my class. I think that this is because my ADHD med helps me, but still I interrup teachers while they're speaking, argue a lot with my classmates and sometimes I talk back to teachers, who don't really get angry with me because they know I have ODD, I guess?
I also refuse to do things when I don't like the teacher.

Maybe this can help: http://www.google.it/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CDMQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.klis.com%2Fchandler%2Fpamphlet%2Foddcd%2Foddcdpamphlet.htm&ei=_PqXUf60LOnR7Aaz5YG4DQ&usg=AFQjCNHFkuOrAW7odvPSq0YVnJVP3ylxeQ&bvm=bv.46751780,d.bGE&cad=rja
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Re: ODD ruining our family: High-Achieving 12 yr old daughte

Postby KraftyMomma » Thu May 30, 2013 7:10 pm

Our daughter is eight years old and reading your post actually brought me a sense of comfort in knowing I am not alone! I feel the exact same way! She scores extremely high academically, teachers and other school staff rave about how polite, kind and helpful she is. Same way with her classes at church, and even with an occasional babysitter, but she is a totally different child behind closed doors. We experience defiance beyond belief, destruction of property, stealing repeatedly, major lying, and violence toward herself and others in our home. The stealing and wetting/messing her pants (which dr and therapist also think is defiance based) at school does happen but is seldom caught by staff and is mostly just discovered by us when she returns home. It is exhausting! We have four other children who are completely stressed by her daily outbursts. We can no longer go and do things as a family like we used to due to her meltdowns and defiant behavior. She has been put on some meds to help, goes to therapy, is shadowed by a caseworker.... nothing is helping! We adopted her and three of her siblings three years ago, this behavior surfaced five months after she moved in. I feel completely defeated. I love her so much and we try every avenue we can think of to get her whatever help she may need but we don't even see a glimmer of improvement. I guess what I am trying to say is...YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Make sure to find people around you for support. Have your other children talk to a therapist as well if it can help them through this as well. I understand exactly where you are coming from because we are living it too! The one thing that I keep reminding myself through this is what one of her therapists told me..... she is guarded to show this behavior in public, around those who she isn't sure if she'll be accepted by or not. For her to show this side so openly to us is kind of a compliment in the fact that she feels comfortable enough to show her true identity and feelings....isn't fair, and really sucks, but makes sense.
Hang in there! I will add you to my prayers!
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