failedatlife's Journal (Replies Welcome)

I am going to my grandparents in an hour wish me luck.
Yesterday I had the feeling that it was going to be my last day at work ever and that I never get to see that cute guy I wrote about earlier. Also I have the feeling that I might get beaten and have a heart attack.

Also yesterday there was a big accident on the road I am about to travel and one person died and I am scared that I might get in an accident and die as well.

I am nearing my grandparents town and I am starting to get scared that I might get beaten the minute I step foot in their area

I got here and I am going with the family at the bowling after lunch, I hope there isn't anyone that recognises and beats or exposes me as gay to the family.

And I had a little bit of a fever in the morning I hope I don't fall ill.

Not me going out for a walk and suddenly thinking I'm gonna be caught and beaten and exposed to my relatives as gay even in the other end of the town where I am heading.

Not me going out for a walk and having the same feelings as yesterday and also thinking that if I make it this time maybe in summer I won't be able to.

Today I am going to go back home but it would rain too much I fear I will get into an accident and die on the road.

I just applied for a new job and I think I did a good job at the preliminary tests but I am afraid that they won't call me wish me luck.

I did a very stupid thing. So I got home from my grandparents but in the luggage I had my toothbrush and shower gel next to each other and when I brushed my teeth my mouth smelled like shower gel and I am afraid I might have poisoned myself.
Akso, regarding the job I applied to, I am afraid that I won't be called or even if they call me back there would be some obstacle like low salary, having to move to another city to do the training and having to finance a couple of weeks worth of accommodation by myself and failing or getting approved and failing in the job afterwards.