failedatlife's Journal (Replies Welcome)

Sweetie. Unless you have uncommon physiology...

Have you TRIED to swallow your tongue? Not suggesting anyone should try, but I find that because it is attached to the floor of the mouth, I can't even shove it back far enough with a finger, to even begin to do anything that would cause distress. Many things might create sleep apnea, but swallowing one's tongue is likely a very uncommon occurrence unless you have an abnormality in the flesh that keeps it in your mouth, or it's been surgically altered.

For me, this is the kind of thing- or even more so- than my intrusive harm thoughts. Which I have to practice disregarding. I remind myself that they're ridiculous because otherwise I'd have acted on them long ago, and I'll worry about it when it's happened, and not before. Which requires effort and the ability to set the thought aside. Which takes practice. There's nothing special or magical, and no special skill on my part, I just have to practice.

I know, but it just keeps coming to my mind and ni matter how hard I try to get rid of these thoughts I just can't help but imagine that it's happening and therefore I write here so I can let the thiughts go. It's happening right now as I am writing and I feel like this could be the last night or half asleep morning in my life and I just can't help but think it will happen despite that I write about it here.

I'm trying to practice but I still get the thought that I will swallow my tongue regardless if I am asleep, half asleep or awake, I even feel like my tongue has moved backwards to my throat and I am also afraid I will die because as I live alone and my intercom is not working I won't be able to get proper help I am also afraid of charging my phone at night because I fear I will have to use it to call an ambulance and it will be too far and I fear all that would happen despite that I write about it here.

I'm trying to avoid bad news but some of them are reaching me and after the news that a child died in a car accident recently makes me extremely uncomfortable and brings me the thought that my brother will die soon in such an accident and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I'm about to go to sleep but I am afraid I will swallow my tongue in my sleep or half asleep and I also fear that my brother will die in a car accident and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I still fear that my brother will die in a car accident and stay a child forever and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I'm about to go to sleep but I am afraid I will swallow my tongue either in my sleep or half asleep or awake and die, also I fear that today was my last encounter with my brother and his last sprung break and that he will die in a car accident or that I will die in a car accident and I fear all that would happen despite that I write about it here.

Today I got some homophobic messages in a dating app and since this person is from my town I am afraid he will kill me tomorrow or next time I go on a walk alone and I am also afraid I will swallow my tongue while asleep or half asleep or awake and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I was added to a chat two days ago where we discuss a reality show and sometimes get to know eachother and I am afraid that as usually good things last for just a little time by me I will be killed tomorrow or on my next walk either alone or with friends and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I'm about to go sleep but I am afraid I will swallow my tongue while asleep, half asleep or awake and that will happen despite that I write about it here.