failedatlife's Journal (Replies Welcome)

I feel like I will die from a heart attack and also I feel like I am straight and will never like sex with men ever again and I think I will fall in love with a woman and want to start a family with her and I also an afraid I actually think that I want to have friends and look manlier rather than having celebrity male crushes and male crushes overall and that all that would happen despite that I write about it here.

In the OCD forum, few people post about fears of being Straight, it's almost always the other way around. If your Straight fears get away with you, consider starting a thread in OCD about that particular fear and we'll talk about it. Also I can't help but think it might also help the HOCD community to be reminded that OCD pulls no punches, and that fears over sexuality do run both ways.

I've never had full-blown OCD over my sexuality- that is to say I've never felt what I'd consider existential dread over it, but being Bisexual, I've kinda had it tickle my OCD from both directions.

Yesterday my father showed his long-suspected from me homophobic face and started asking me when I am getting married and having children with a woman and as I realised his love for me is conditional and depending on that I am really afraid yo confront me because I fear he will disown me or worse, kill me, or the worst - kill my brother and maybe my mother to hurt me and I fear all that would happen despite that I write about it here.

I have some chest pain and I am afraid I will have a heart attack overnight and die and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I am afraid that there is a big change happening in me and I am actually going to fall in love with a woman or that I won't and my father will kill me for being gay or kill my brother and mother to hurt me or that I will get a heart attack and die and that all that would happen despite that I write about it here I feel like such a mess right now.

I am afraid I will get a heart attack and die overnight or that when I go to the doctor's to check my heart I will get sick and not be able to go to my parents for the weekend and that all that would happen despite that I write about it here.

My father wants to go to the hospital and I am afraid he will die and that will happen despite that I write about it here and because I was late to write it due to the page being down for a long time.

My father feels good and is staying home but I am afraid this is a false alarm and he will get worse and go to the hospital and die there and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I have the horrible feeling that overnight my father will die from kidney issues maybe in the hospital or I will get a heart attack and die and that both will happen despite that I write about it here.

My father is at hospital and I am afraid he will die and that will happen despite that I write about it here.