failedatlife's Journal (Replies Welcome)

My parents just drove home and I am afraid they will get in a car crash and die and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I really fear I will die from a heart attack overnight or in the coming days and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I am really scared that I will die soon either from a heart attack or getting kidnapped and killed, e.g. from the man whose wife I made divorce him and I also fear I will die before I turn 30 and I also fear that I won't be able to get a Christmas holiday becausey leave request will be cancelled and I will get caught for calling sick on the previous week without being ill or I will really get ill and stay home alone for the holidays and that all that would happen despite that I write about it here.

Yesterday I learned that several of my coworkers are from my grandparents town and as I plan to call sick next week in order to avoid working on Christmas and spend it with my family I am afraid we will go to my grandparents town and go to the Christmas market in the centre when I might meet some of my coworkers and they will either go and confront me about not being sick or worse, stay hidden and report to my boss who will fire me immediately after the holidays and I will miss the opportunity to work using Spanish language that I might get granted with from the New year and that all that would happen despite that I write about it here and because I kept it to myself for too long.

I am afraid I will get sick and stay home alone for the holidays and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I am really afraid I will die either in a heart attack or kidnapping and killed either in my grandparents town during the Christmas days or the day before my birthday in two months which is when I got the man I hhad earlier mentioned divorced whether I go to his current town or he meets me here. I have the pervasive thought someone is waiting to kill me in both towns, especially that man I divorced or someone from my grandparents town that knows me from my gay social media accounts and I fear all that would happen despite that I write about it here.

I am afraid I will die from a heart attack this night and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I am getting worried my parents will come and stay overnight on Saturday for my cousin's birthday and I won't have time to wash the blankets and my parents will evict me and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I have the horrible feeling that these are the last few days of my life and I will die from a heart attack, maybe during the holidays and that will happen despite that I write about it here.

I am going to take a shower and I feel that these are my last hours or days of my life and I will die from a heart attack either overnight or in the coming days or I will fall sick and stay home alone for the holidays, which can also happen as I plan to visit the doctor tomorrow morning and I might fall ill there or from the cold early in the morning and I feel all that would happen despite that I write about it here.