OhItsThatGuyAgain - Journal (replies welcome)

I may as well write about this as the thought-forms insist on namedropping this woman almost daily (at least two or three times today). They keep mentioning this redheaded female doctor/nurse whom I'd first (and last) met and spoke with in February of 2021. I'm not entirely sure why they mention her so much as I've already seen, met with, and spoken with several other female doctors, nurses, pharmacists, and/or therapists working in that same building whom I found to be more attractive (including one therapist with whom I'd only met with only once in March of 2022 and is the most attractive therapist I've ever spoken with... regardless; her role that day was not that of my therapist but simply someone who would refer me to a therapist).

One other thing that really bothers me about these thought-forms is that over these past few months; they've begun to rapidly alternate between using the voices of multiple neighbors that I've heard over the years since I first moved in back in October/November of 2015. At times; they've very strongly implied (if not outright confirmed) that I basically died right around the time that I first moved in, and that everything that I've experienced, everyone I've ever heard in this building has all been part of some sort of "dream" in the afterlife. This is problematic for a number of reasons.

Among the several people the thought-forms claimed to be and/or represent in 2019 were my neighbors: a young, heterosexual Hispanic couple with a daughter living somewhere upstairs. Thought-forms had first claimed to be these same people in late-2019 and even once managed to get me to go upstairs in order to check up on them and finding nobody there. Thought-forms first accused me of somehow manipulating my upstairs neighbors into cannibalizing their little girl and/or each other. They'd claimed that my neighbors had overheard me talking to myself and/or others (e.g. my mother, several people over the phone, etc.) perhaps as far back as 2016. Looking back on such years such as 2016 and 2017; I could recall awkward instances in which I could sometimes overhear what sounded like my neighbors commenting on my arguments with my mother.

Throughout the months of May, June, and July of 2019; I ended up selling many (most if not all) of my electronics including my cell phones, video game consoles, personal computers, and televisions. Since that time period; the thought-forms have repeatedly claimed that I am incapable of taking care of myself without their help. They have me disregard that up until that point; I'd never done something so extreme in the hopes of temporarily getting rid of what I perceived to be distractions that I felt were causing me to be unable to think clearly. Instead... over the next few months; the thought-forms would suggest that I ended up hallucinating exactly because of my lack of entertainment (effectively contradicting what they'd previously suggested--that it was through such electronics that people were able to transmit hypnotic suggestion in order to induce such hallucinations). Thought-forms claim (almost daily--as recently as today) that they remain on the basis that I'm "bored"--disregarding that they'd initially claimed to be my neighbors who decided to "entertain" me in late-2019 because, apparently, I somehow "told" them to.

Thought-forms have been using the little boy doing his little oral thing *mod edit* almost the entire time that I was writing this post.

I should probably get to this part as well:

Thought-forms confirmed in 2019 the whole conspiracy theory behind the Montauk project to be true (their exact words were, "Montauk project is correct," using the face and voice of what appeared to be a blond news anchorwoman whom they'd named "Erin Burnett"... a quick Google search of her name just now revealed to me that Erin Burnett looks nothing like the blond woman). This opened up a whole 'nother can of worms. They would later go on to confirm that Jan (among a few others) were federal government psychics communicating with me all the way from New York through some sort of "psychic network" that ran through the entire mainland US. There were actually a few instances in 2019 in which it genuinely felt like I was in some sort of "chat room" with multiple telepaths talking all at once beyond my conscious control, and their conversations felt a lot more natural and human-like than pretty much everything from 2021 and onwards.

The gimmick very quickly lost its effect and by this year feel terribly disappointed with the whole situation, and I'd much rather not ask for any more.

Thought-forms continue to push for some sort of narrative in which I'd supposedly done the "same thing" to multiple people (which apparently includes transmitting hypnotic suggestion through various electronic devices).

In 2019; the thought-forms suggested that I'd somehow managed to manipulate one of my therapists through hypnotic suggestion (through either her electronics and/or in-person). They'd implied that I'd somehow hypnotized her over the course of six sessions throughout the months of February and March of 2017. They'd also accused me of somehow illegally obtaining perhaps one, two, three, up to four photographs of her nude (or partially nude). I can recall how in 2019; the thought-forms had spent several hours in one day repeatedly accusing me of hacking into her electronics in order to grab a picture of her with her husband nude and in bed together. This never happened, of course. Many months later; my attorney and the judge would inform me that the restraining order was over verbal harassment through e-mails, text messages, and phone calls... not over cybercrime, assault, battery, rape, murder, etc. Thought-forms have now confirmed that internet trolls will use this information in order to justify accusing me even further of such crimes--effectively creating a sort of "self-fulfilling prophecy" from 2019 (thought-forms had also accused me in 2019 that although I had not committed the cybercrime just yet, that I eventually would sometime on or before the year 2025... eventually leading to my suicide).

Over the years; thought-forms would go on to suggest and subsequently confirm that I somehow managed to turn multiple people into pedophiles (including the aforementioned therapist, law enforcement personnel, a redheaded woman whom I knew in the 2005 to 2008 period, etc.) through hypnotic suggestion--among other means.

Note to self:

As of Saturday, April 29th, 2023 5:52 AM (PST);

Thought-forms are becoming increasingly more relentless and unreasonable and continue using the little boy's voice, face, and body at random over seemingly any little thing. They continue to interrupt just about every one of my thought-processes and actions as simple as brushing my teeth. Watching television when thought-forms remain visually and/or auditorily persistent continues to be several times more difficult (if not next to impossible) than it was two to three years ago or even during the first month or two of last year. With each passing day; I can feel my depression worsening as this persistent sense of dread continues to loom over and the realization that it was never intended that I get better continues to set in. Thought-forms seem to be incapable of understanding how disturbing it is to be hallucinating 24/7 and insist on commenting at random throughout the day in regards to every bit of reminiscing, recalling, speculating, and/or planning on my part. Thought-forms continue to confirm that essentially the rest of my life has been planned ahead of time by others regardless of my own goals, ambitions, dreams, wishes, plans, hopes, wants, and/or needs several years ahead of time as far back as 2016 (if not earlier). Thought-forms also continue to confirm that most (if not my entire) life was planned by others early into my childhood and that, essentially, several years or even decades worth of bizarrely interruptive events were orchestrated and that things will continue to remain this way until the day I die. Thought-forms continue to accuse me of having done the "same thing" to various family members (most of whom appear to be several years and sometimes decades older than I am). They continue to claim that I somehow had the same level of computer literacy over two decades ago as I do now and that none of my family members were ever more knowledgable (especially in regards to computers) than I was or am, and that nobody ever taught me to do anything. This basically confirms an old fear of which I wrote about in 2019 that people would accuse me of somehow masterminding several years or even decades of events in order to sabotage the relationships and livelihoods of several family members (including that of my parents) as far back as years such as 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, and so on. This implies that I was somehow smart enough to manipulate several people older than me (including my brother who is roughly seventeen years older than me) but dumb enough to end up in this situation. Thought-forms also continue to show that they and/or whomever they truly represent would appear to be several times more impatient than they'd initially claimed me to have ever been, and that they care not to give me an extension to be able to make plans and think things through. Thought-forms expect me to believe that they simultaneously happen to be genuinely dumb and evil, but also intentionally stupid so as to make me feel better about my own intelligence (or lack thereof).

"Y?" they now as, as they continue smiling, laughing, mocking, ridiculing, and insulting me throughout my writing this post (the little boy has yet to completely leave).

Thought-forms also continue to expect me to treat their "women" (e.g. "Jan" and the one based off of my 2017 therapist) as if they were real people in the room with me right now while disregarding that I repeatedly tell them daily, "there's nobody in here but me," (to which they often interrupt with responses such as, "...and [insert random cousin not actually present with me here]."

Another one that I might forget soon:

Thought-forms also previously confirmed (especially in the late-2019/early-2020 period) that I was meant to carry out some sort of "false flag attack" *mod edit* I very quickly began to notice similarities between my situation and those of the likes of Jared Lee Loughner and James Eagan Holmes before they'd carried out their attacks. Thought-forms even claimed that Elliot Rodger was some sort of hero of mine. All three are murders.

Thought-forms replied with, "you betcha'" in response to me noticing that they seem to be "leaving" (to a certain extent); but, very slowly.

I sometimes compare their "arrival" and "departure" times.

From my perspective; the thought-forms "arrived" (or made their presence visually noticeable 24/7) over the course of something like two to twelve weeks (roughly in between October 14th and 31st of 2019).

Thought-forms first claimed to be "leaving" (several times almost daily) sometime in between shortly before Halloween of 2019 and Valentine's Day of 2020... up until... well, this year. Today, even. That would make their "departure" being drawn out across something like 39 to 42 months.

This basically makes their "departure time" something like 91 times longer than their "arrival time"... unless they happened to be telling me the truth in 2019 when they told me that they'd actually already been with me over three years before... placing their actual arrival perhaps sometime in between the months of March and September of 2016. I'd made several calculations over the years and figured that they would have more than likely "arrived" sometime in the latter half of 2016 (to be more specific, sometime in between the dates of July 11th and September 23rd of 2016). They now claim that I'm "brave" for writing this out, which is a very different word from what they normally use (e.g. "###$").

Something else that bothers me about these thought-forms is how they have this unusually annoying tendency (when it comes to rating women's attractiveness) to go from one extreme (e.g. "she's ugly") to another (e.g. "she's so hot"). In the past; I'd generally use words like, "she's cute," and, "my God she's pretty," or, "she's sorta' cute," or, "a little above plain-looking." This is especially annoying when I find a photograph of a woman who I'd normally find very attractive but for whatever reason didn't look so great in at least one photo--thought-forms almost immediately have me focus on her face in the unattractive image and refer to her as "ugly" beyond my conscious control.

All the more annoying (and disturbing); they have this tendency to respond with "ew" whenever I see a woman that I find even remotely attractive. By comparison; they do this a lot less often with the little boy. The ratio of number of times that they've responded to sexually-attractive women with "ew" to that involving the little boy is something like 10:1. For every one time that they've shown me the little boy behaving inappropriately and responded to this with "ew"; they've done this perhaps up to ten to twenty times more often with women. Consider that this whole year; the little boy appears something like 95 to 99% of the time and remains far more persistent than all other thought-forms.

I compare this situation with the situation in 2019 and I just can't help but notice the tremendous difference in the thought-forms' behaviors. Perhaps in the early- to mid-October 2019 period; their more persistent thought-form seemed to be the one that took on the form of the actor Aidan Gillen (would remain by my side throughout pretty much the entire day, fully-clothed, like a chaperone, or bodyguard, or guardian, or parole officer). By late-October 2019? It was "Jan". By early-December 2019? A thought-form that took on the form of an actress named Aisha Tyler but they'd refer to the thought-form as "Rita" (they also changed Rita's visual form something like at least three to six times, starting from: a black tiger, to a Protoss matriarch, to the actress Aisha Tyler, to a form closely resembling the actress Famke Janssen, and would later go on to apply the name "Rita" to "Jan" and my 2017 therapist... all over the course of a few weeks or so). By late-December 2019? A short-haired blond, blue-eyed man with the name "Ptah". Tall, thin, dressed with a tucked-in light blue office shirt and wearing what appeared to be beige khakis. Possibly in his 30s.

Thought-forms waited over three years to tell me that they basically want me to lay perfectly flat on a perfectly flat surface with my belly and face facing up and legs and arms stretched out. I find this to be problematic now because I currently sleep on an uneven bed (because it lacks a mattress) and a broken couch--the only two pieces of furniture long enough to fit somebody of my height. In attempting to "relax" on uneven surfaces; I somehow end up triggering certain muscle spasms in my lower back area which now usually results in sexual arousal (which often times results in the thought-forms using the little boy behaving sexually--if not worse--they sometimes begin behaving so aggressively that I end up being in excruciating pain and discomfort). All the worse; I'd expected to be much less easily aroused now that I've stopped taking a legally-prescribed stimulant (it's been about two or three weeks) and am consuming far less caffeine than usual. On the contrary; I feel more easily aroused now than perhaps I've felt in months or even years. Even more; I'm finding it surprisingly difficult to fall asleep at night (probably shouldn't be surprising as I currently sleep on a bed with no mattress).

Thought-forms are still doing this thing (possibly to redirect all blame to me--as if I had any particularly strong, non-anecdotal evidence to prove to anyone other than me that these hallucinations are being intentionally induced through various external sources by someone not me) in which they confirm that I would've basically done the same thing from 2019 up until 2023 had I not begun to hallucinate.

This contradicts quite a few things they've told me over the years. In 2019, in particular; they'd confirmed multiple, contradicting "timelines". For example:

In one timeline: I was/am in a coma. Apparently, I'd been involved in a car accident sometime in mid-2019 and ended up in a hospital. I'd wake up and find a nurse (whom I'd not seen since 2016) standing by my bedside. It's implied that her husband had something to do with my "accident".

In another timeline: I'd apparently attempted (perhaps successfully) the vehicular manslaughter of my 2017 therapist and/or her husband.

In another: I'd committed suicide. Severe brain trauma. Collision with a train. The thought-forms even showed me unusually vivid imagery of my torn corpse where the only noticeable organ was an eyeball.

In yet another: I'd ended up together with this 2017 therapist. We were apparently getting married. Addendum: we were both aliens and were being sent off to another planet or something.

There were a few others that I might get to in a later period but have begun to experience discomfort.

But anyway, I was expected to believe that most if not all of those timelines were actually the same timeline occurring simultaneously in the same time period (late-2019).

Things got increasingly more ridiculous over the next few months to the point that things had gotten so stupid, absurd, and annoying that I began to suspect as if it was intentional in order to annoy me into pure, psychotic rage.