OhItsThatGuyAgain - Journal (replies welcome)

For whatever reason; thought-forms have once again taken it upon themselves to interrupt my attempts at analyzing movies (e.g. today; I watched Resident Evil: Retribution with minimal interruption from the thought-forms and ended up watching somewhat more thought-provoking like The Dark Knight... not only did they want me to cease browsing the internet to have me focus on the movie; but, they insisted on interrupting my attempts at analyzing as I attempted to refocus my attention to it). In interrupting such movies; they basically expect me to sit still and simply stare at the movie without thinking, without making any attempts to recall any of the characters' names or backstories from other movies, and so on (e.g. one instance among many other examples that stick out is how they'd interrupted my attempts at gathering inspiration from a science fiction movie meant for potential scifi that I hope to one day be able to write). Rather than simply leaving me altogether and never returning; they assume that I'm somehow ordering them to stay whenever I put on a movie in order to have them interpret whatever movie I'm watching. They'd previously told me that I was somehow commanding them to stay and "help" me simply by recalling important events (regardless as to whether or not they were related to thought-forms) that would help me make plans in my near-future. Not only that; but, they have a tendency to use women (e.g. "Jan") to interpret movies for me. As soon as I point out to them how I see no practical use for this; they become increasingly more hostile on the assumption that I apparently dislike seeing/hearing "Jan" in particular (as opposed to disliking hallucinations in general). They've often used such awkward situations such as these this year in order to justify using the little boy (as they were beginning to do and are semi-resuming as I write this post). They also continue asking, "so what?" as if they care to hear what the reasoning behind my complaints that I've repeated several times in the past are.

Thought-forms have now once again begun to show me the little boy behaving sexually on the basis that I questioned them about something that they'd claimed mere seconds ago to have supposedly occurred to one of my therapists from 2014 (a blond woman currently in her 60s). Seconds later; they displayed a somewhat-more-vivid image of this woman in the nude as some sort of "apology" only to have them resume with the little boy seconds later. There doesn't seem to be much logical reasoning as to why they waited roughly three years to develop a nude visualization of a 60-something-year-old female therapist whom I found attractive in 2014 and I'd initially have the thought-forms fight me over masturbating to her (on the basis that she was "too cute") and even blame me for becoming aroused whenever they'd mention her; however, they had no problem with showing me an unusually vivid visualization of what appeared to be a ten-year-old girl in coitus in 2019 (that I happen to know). Nor did they have any problem with showing me unusually vivid pornographic imagery of various prepubescent children (both males and females) in early-2022 despite me never having asked for any of it. They laugh at me now as I write this.

Based off of their current reactions and what they've told me over these past three to four years; I get the feeling that I'm inconveniencing myself even further with this post than ever before over something that the thought-forms would repeatedly tell me, "it's obscure."

Thought-forms have once again resumed using the little boy and rapidly switching back and forth between three naked minors (one prepubescent male, a female toddler, and a female tween) over the course of a few seconds--it's obvious that they do this in order to confuse me so that they can blame me for picking the "wrong" one to focus on... as to which one is the "wrong" one varies and depends entirely on them (obviously, because if it were up to me I'd much rather not hallucinate whatsoever).

Forgot to add to my previous reply here:

The one other female I can recall these thought-forms showing me full-body nudity of in 2019 happened to be my 2017 therapist. Her to go with a ten-year-old girl. Both nude, both in coitus with men... two unusually vivid images. During that same time period: thought-forms would also show me animated imagery of this therapist and "Jan" being irrumated. The thought-forms would also claim that what I was seeing at the time was real and occurring in real-time.

Thought-forms have yet to stop using the little boy (even after claiming that they would stop at least once or twice within this 24 to 48 hour period). Again: it's annoying and disturbing for many reasons. For example; they currently seem to be using the little boy on the basis that I'm not "relaxed". How do they expect me to "relax"? Their current suggestion seems to be looking at "pornography". But they don't want me browsing for actual video pornography on web sites such as Pornhub, or xvideos, or Redtube, or whatever, nor do they even want me browsing for static pornographic images (whether it be of real women, computer-generated, or even hand-drawn)... they want me to simply stare at non-pornographic images of non-nude females for hours on end. Without masturbating. They also seem to have a specific "taste" for such females (e.g. they've previously fought me over Alexa Mansour, Kiernan Shipka, Masiela Lusha, Sophia Lillis, and a few others).

Thought-forms have also used the little boy as I'm becoming sexually aroused by looking at or thinking about such women.

Or even as I've become so relaxed that I'm falling asleep in the middle of the day after consuming a large meal.

Or because I'm probably falling asleep too early.

Or not early enough.

I suppose that I may as well add that some of the information gathered by these thought-forms and/or whomever they truly represent were things that I'd discussed privately not just with family members here at home, or at their homes, or over the phone... but also with my 7cupsoftea therapists through its text-messaging phone app (three different 7cupsoftea therapists across three different years: 2018, 2019, and 2022).

In late-2019; thought-forms basically had me completely disregard the whole idea behind "freedom of speech". Even privately. From home. With professional mental health care providers. Quietly. By text-messaging. And that it was somehow my fault for discussing such things over insecure media (e.g. electronic devices with internet access, firewalls, anti-virus software, etc.)

Yep.

...you get the idea.

(I know.)

Thought-forms have recently made it a habit at inducing this weird nostalgia/dejavu -type of thing several times daily and in the process of doing so have made most of my memories feel incredibly unpleasant to recall (even good or neutral memories). Memories from the 1990s, in particular, feel very unsettling now as they tend to make me feel like I'm dying.

Thought-forms also referred to an R-rated film as "porn" despite it having zero nudity sometime in 2020 or 2021.

Thought-forms continue using the little boy (in both voice and face) roughly twelve hours after they'd first begun to use his voice (which tends to go hand-in-hand with his face depending on multiple dynamic factors) this morning. Their "reasoning" this time around? Something to do with my 2014 therapist... once again disregarding just about everything I've told them, showed them... multiple background checks across several web sites... costing me so much that I ended up having a negative balance in my bank account and unable to pay for my medical insurance. Multiple, costly background checks to prove to these thought-forms that many of these people they've claimed I'd done something to (which often includes sexual assault and even murder) are actually still alive, well, married, with children, and employed at the exact same corporations, exact same locations, with the exact same professions as they were when I'd first met them over six to ten years ago. Thought-forms even reject that they were present with me when I was literally in the same room or building of the same people they'd previously (or would later) accused me of having done something to. Taking all of this into consideration; they continue to namedrop these exact same people over and over again in order to justify using the little boy. It's gotten to the point that I basically feel the need to break the law--outright disregard the restraining order--just to prove to the thought-forms something that they'd previously already agreed with me that they were incorrect about... over three years ago.

"What happened now?"
"So what?"
"We're sorry."
"So what?"

All of the above came from them as I was writing this.

"Haha," they just added.

Once again... thought-forms become increasingly aggressive shortly after I'd finished masturbating to a porn video with an actress named Montana Rae. Admittedly; they seem less aggressive (somewhat) than they were last year, but more aggressive than they were in 2019, 2020, and 2021 (especially considering that back then they would only use the little boy sexually after I'd finished masturbating something like once per year... like showing me *mod edit* after I'd finished masturbating to a porn video with an actress like Mia Khalifa). There doesn't seem to be any logical reasoning behind this. It's almost as if they expect me to believe that they assume with 100% certainty that I pose some sort of danger to others after masturbating... their evidence? Well, nothing. Not as far as I can tell. As I've never been arrested. The closest that they might have to evidence would be my inappropriate behaviors towards female mental health care providers.

Before I forget:

Thought-forms told me way back in 2019 that they're capable of inducing far worse (something akin to taking DMT). Over the next three to four years; they've begun to induce increasingly worse hallucinations and delusions