OhItsThatGuyAgain - Journal (replies welcome)

Since thought-forms repeatedly insisted that I write this elsewhere several times over the past three to four years (which I have); I may as well write a note to self:

Whomever or whatever the thought-forms truly represent; I am not asking you to do anything to anyone. Simply Googling an actress (e.g. Kiernan Shipka) and/or just about any woman or man that I run internet searches and/or background checks on doesn't necessarily mean that I am asking you to do anything to any of these people. Not today, nor tomorrow, nor next week, nor the week after, nor next month, nor next year, nor next decade, nor at any point in this century nor the one after. Nor was I asking you to do anything to anyone at any point over the thirty years or so before the thought-forms made themselves known to me. Based off of the thought-forms reactions as I write this; I get the feeling that neither they nor whomever of whatever they truly represent (assuming that they aren't simply a product of my unconscious mind) care enough to read what I've written here (as I've already written elsewhere before) and take it to heart. I suppose that this post is more of a potentionally futile reminder for myself to be more careful about 'asking' anyone and/or anything to do anything to and/or for anyone else.

Thought-forms once again claim that something happened to Kiernan Shipka over something I wrote at any point over these past five to ten years or so. They also confirm that I am only inconveniencing myself simply by writing this. "They just don't give a ###$," the thought-forms tell me after laughing.

Rather than explaining to me why thought-forms still remained over four years after the woman (whom they'd initially claimed to be here for) first threatened to place a restraining order on me, over two years after receiving my copy of the Temporary Restraining Order from the police, over a year after having the TRO become a five-year-long RO, roughly one year after completing my eight hours of community labor, and over four months after completing my one-year-long court-mandated psychotherapy treatment and why even after all that; they decided to begin showing me a little boy performing various sex acts on myself and other men and continue to do so today--even as I write this--roughly one whole year since they began to do so daily--and continue to expect me to take them seriously as they show me the boy behaving "apologetically" in between hours of inappropriate behavior and even ridicule me right now by having me focus on the smileys to the right of this message only to have the little boy smile as he approaches my crotch and others laugh... they simply accuse me of being responsible over something that supposedly happened to Kiernan Shipka a few minutes ago which shows up neither in simple Google searches nor various background checks using multiple web sites (e.g. Truthfinder, Peoplefinder, BeenVerified, etc. which now cost me dozens of dollars monthly just to prove to these thought-forms that many of the people they accuse me of having done something to--sometimes involving murder--are actually still alive, well, married, and employed... and many others still that they've named don't even seem to exist in the US--among them being "Jan" who doesn't appear in any of the lists of tenants who've lived in this building and who the thought-forms told me in 2019 had committed suicide in this room and they now laugh at me over).

After all that; they simply respond with laughter, snickering, mockery, insults, ridicule, accusations, threats, commentary such as, "so what, though?" -- "they just don't give a ###$" -- "we just hate you" -- "I love you" -- "go have sex with [...] Jan". They also respond with "hell yeah" as if I'm somehow egging them into resuming with the little boy before adding, "who gives a ###$?" Even after repeatedly pointing out to them that my 7cupsoftea therapist from Canada took me seriously enough last year to call the local authorities here in California and successfully had me 5150'd; the thought-forms continue to claim to represent both law enforcement and mental health care providers and to this day still tell me, "nobody gives a ###$" several times daily. They also continue to accuse random cousins of being responsible, but then accuse me of "blaming" or "shaming" said cousins simply because I question the thought-forms why they accuse this same cousins that they don't want me to "blame" or "shame".

Thought-forms continue even now as I develop a headache and various muscle aches not present earlier this morning--not exactly the first time that they temporarily behave "apologetic" as my pain worsens--sometimes they persist until it gets even worse and they smile while it does.

The little boy's clothes were removed yet again as I was about to finish this post mere seconds after they'd clothed him (for very few seconds). "So what, though?" and "that's hilarious."

It's fairly obvious (to me, at least) that these thought-forms were developed remotely by anonymous internet trolls over these past few years meant to be transmitted via hypnotic suggestion through various electronics with internet access to induce such hallucinations among those sometimes referred to as "Targeted Individuals". This seems to fall under "gangstalking" which has been on-going from as recently as the 2010 to 2018 period to as far back as the 1990s, 1970s, or even earlier (of course--it would've been much more difficult to transmit in a time before the internet, but Long Range Acoustic Devices have been around for awhile and both television and radio broadcasts have been hijacked by pranksters in the past). For whatever reason; the thought-forms disregard the research I'd done in 2019 to show them that I wouldn't be the first one on the internet describing such experiences--the thought-forms continue to this month to claim that all of this is unique to me and me alone. They also disregard that gangstalking victims have noticed that accusations are random--the "excuses" or "reasoning" behind becoming targeted may be as simple as being a whistleblower for a corporation, or even a suspected homosexual (I suspect that the latter was a much more common fear and accusation in the mid-20th century).

As I was finishing this post; they added, "nobody gives a ###$," shortly before showing me the little boy with some sort of large bird on his shoulder meant to be "cute" (which is effectively ruined by the little boy).

"They love it," the thought-forms add even after "apologizing" several times this month--usually the same exact behaviors that they continue to display daily--even within less than one or two seconds after apologizing. "Well, duh," before and after having me recall various incidents from as recently as 2019 to as far back as 2001--even after insisting that I not "shame" the thought-forms by asking them why they did this or that... within this year alone they repeatedly refer to instances in which they'd behaved aggressively and/or used the little boy to the extent that I was convulsing painfully as "last year" and even "over a thousand years ago." They also ask why I blame random cousins even after they'd claimed that some random cousin induced such sexual hallucinations involving the little boy whether it occurred this year or last. Once again, rather than explaining why they did it; they tend to respond with, "that was [insert random cousin's name here]" and expect me to be satisfied with such responses. As I write this; the little boy manages to become both increasingly inappropriate and apologetic as they tell me, "you betcha'" and ask, "so what?" or "y?" or "and?" all the while accusing both me and random cousins (even random cousins with whom I've never had any problems with) not present with me of somehow consciously+intentionally inducing these. They now claim that this is "boring" (which they usually do whenever I point out to them things that they do that I've told them to stop--which they do regardless even after agreeing that they would stop--such as just about anything involving the little boy).

"So what?" -- "that was [cousin's name]" (they've already namedropped up to four or five different cousins over the course of a few hours) and "solo por Kiernan Shipka" also "you betcha'" (that last comment is usually accompanied by some of their worst excuses such as the one about Kiernan Shipka--which, by this point, is almost impossible for me to confirm with resorting to more invasive measures bordering on the illegal--which the thought-forms disregard even after I've repeatedly pointed this out to them). "Hell yeah," and "they know it," and "why over-offend [insert yet another random cousin's name here whom I've had no problems with in over a decade and was much friendlier when I last saw him less than five years ago]?" They respond with, "correct," (confirming what I wrote positively about my cousin in the previous sentence only to have them resume with their usual hostility seconds later and blaming me for it). "No thanks to you," and, "so what, though?" as the little boy reappears claiming to represent "mostly female law enforcement personnel" just before laughing.

"I lol'd," they say.

Another case in point; thought-forms simultaneously encourage and discourage that I write more. But they don't want me to write about ancient history, learn math that I never got around to learning in my middle and high school years, write and make calculations, practice drawing, etc.--no--they want me to write about them--the thought-forms. "One paragraph," they tell me even after I'd written on 25 pages in one of my notebooks for hours on end and they continue with the usual aggression and inappropriately sexual behavior from the little boy that I literally cannot look away from (not even with my eyes closed). "So what?" and, "that was [insert yet another random cousin's name here]" and, "they love it," and, "hilarious," and, "beyond humorful," and, "that was you," all of those over the course of the past five to fifteen minutes. They've also confirmed that simply writing about them regardless of the medium (whether it be on paper or electronically) or venue (privately and publicly; they care not)... will make the thought-forms more vicious, relentless, and unreasonable.

Thought-forms continue to become more vicious, aggressive, and inappropriately as my spasms worsen. "Mild anger," (or something like that they'd told me) they'd told me a few minutes ago after I'd noticed that one of their "men" (the one who took on the form of an old high school Armenian classmate) was becoming increasingly hostile to the extent of inducing excruciatingly painful convulsions. Rather than explaining what problem my upstairs Armenian neighbors have with me, or what the (supposedly cannibalistic, infanticidal, and murderous) Hispanic couple had with me at any point in the 2015 to 2019 period; they had me assume by myself and simply be satisfied with my own answer and accept my punishment from the thought-forms. As the thought-forms had initially accused me of decapitating a nurse over three years ago (a nurse currently still working at the same offices I'd first met her at in 2015 and for whom a quick Google search for her corporation's web site reveals that she's still employed there, married, and with a daughter... and for whom I ended up looking for in person in December of 2019 to prove to the thought-forms that I'd not decapitated her even after having her superior warn me about a restraining order in 2017 and 2018) and continue to accuse me of being responsible over something that supposedly happened to Kiernan Shipka (someone for whom I now feel the need to Google every few minutes out of fear that this whole thing may be timed; in fact, simply writing this out is making me more nervous) just today (apparently), and expect me to simultaneously take their accusations seriously but also to smile and laugh as they show me the little boy performing sexually... I'm not entirely sure how to proceed without inconveniencing myself anymore than I already have.

They laugh--twice--perhaps confirming that this post will be lost after a mysterious crash.

Among the thought-forms' various inconsistencies and contradictions:

Having me go outside to "lose weight" (lose somewhere from like 10 or 20 pounds up to 50 or 100 pounds of body fat and gain muscle mass over the course of less than one to five months) over a woman who was in the process of placing a restraining order on me, another woman whom I'd been told committed suicide in this apartment before I moved in, and yet another woman whom I'd been told to turn myself in to a police station over decapitating her (who I'd also been warned about to stay away from), among over 100 other women who the thought-forms told me would "hit" me, and at least one or two minors.

According to the thought-forms; I was apparently responsible for multiple murders (including vehicular manslaughter and the use of bladed weapons). That same year (2019); the thought-forms watched as I headed on over to a shooting range to renew my guard card and exposed firearm permit. Over the course of a few hours; I fired a few shots across a target range and passed my exam for the exposed firearm permit (I did not receive the permit in the mail months later because there was some issue over my payment and my attorney would later confirm that COVID was making the process for the restraining order a lot slower in 2020 but that it was still going through and that I should accept it) all in the same time period that the thought-forms were telling me to kill myself, kill my neighbors, my dog, the nurse whom I supposedly already decapitated, and a woman who was placing a restraining order on me (just to name a few).

The thought-forms continue to tell me to commit murder and/or suicide (*mod edit* they tend to say). They also continue to confirm that they want me to turn myself in to a police station (usually referring to the one nearest from here which is less than fifteen minutes away on foot and in which I'd been taken to by police last year as part of the 5150) or to a jail (the closest one appears to be less than four hours away on foot and in which I'd also been in more than once in 2020 and/or 2021 and walked out of within a few minutes after walking in).

Thought-forms continue to ridicule me as they confirm my suspicions. Despite the fact that much of what I've written about has already been described by other victims of gangstalking over the years; the thought-forms confirm both: that I inconvenience myself simply by writing what others have already written about before and seem to be only taken seriously by other such victims, and inconvenience myself by, well, taking one of the thought-forms' most-repeated comments ("nobody gives a ###$") to mean more than one thing.

Today would be one of those awkward mornings in which the thought-forms play, "nice." Except that their understanding of what it means to be, "nice," in 2022 and 2023 has come down to having them show me adorable imagery of cute animals (e.g. guinea pigs, birds), sometimes accompanied by cartoons (e.g. Disney characters such as Goofy as well as various Hanna-Barbera characters acting out what may be scenes from real episodes but things sometimes start get weird like staring at colorful, psychedelic, fractal-like patterns in a kaleidoscope-type "screensaver"--which usually tends to occur when I'm very tired); as well as, innocent-looking women (usually it's the woman who placed the restraining order on me that tends to be used for playing "niceties") behaving sweetly like the women dressed as princesses at a Disney park when around children.

For whatever reason; thought-forms refuse to accept that I would like to be able to resume Wikipedia-editing, job-applying, and/or classroom-studying without interruption over having to put up with any one and all thought-forms. I care not for whatever "free porn" they offer, and everything else they "offer" is unreliable information that serves no practical use for me. They simply respond with, "you betcha'" (with laughter) among other such responses.

Thought-forms waited over three years to tell me that I was to "finish" with Jan--without explaining why they introduced masculine thought-forms first and they decided to have me pick one other named "Ptah" many days or weeks after being told that Jan would remain only until the end of October 2019.

Settling for any one thought-form regardless as to whether they're "male" or "female" seems to matter little as they all seem and sound to be equally dumber in 2023 (compared to how they were in October/November of 2019). The only "use" they seem to have is "free porn" (which seems to apply to the males, as well--disregarding that I'm heterosexual). They're also implying that either the one new thought-form they're "developing" will have a personality and physical appearance that will never change and that it will never learn anything--or the opposite--that things will remain essentially as they are now--ever-changing thought-forms that randomly alter their faces, names, clothes, personalities, sexes, voices, ages, etc. and continue to produce "new" thought-forms at random (which are usually the same ones they've been using since 2019 but altered slightly every few months, weeks, or sometimes days).

They have yet to explain why they introduced a shrunk-down version of Jan sometime last year and can't explain why they choose to create new, persistent "thought-forms" at random while refusing to use any of my own (e.g. the Roswell Grey--which they confirmed within these past few days that they basically want me to have "sex" with it in order to have it "stick"--and which I created as an example to them of a thought-form lacking sexual features but refuse to use beyond three or four times in 2019).

They seem to have problems with just about every female I attempt to focus on and expect me to figure out on my own what the problem is (e.g. with Alexa Mansour and after telling me that they were going to be serious beforehand from then on out; they made her seem several times more unattractive and added, "we're evil," and suggested that I refocus my attention to a different one).

They continue to disregard my wish that they cease inducing all hallucinations ASAP and assume that I want to continue seeing and/or hearing the little boy or whatever.

In response to the question, "how am I supposed to focus in a classroom, workplace, crowded public area, or vehicular traffic setting when I'm being shown random thought-forms performing fellatio?" They responded by calling me a "retard" after claiming themselves to be dumb.

"Well duh" and "so what?" are their responses to me pointing out that after over three years; the men the thought-forms claim to represent don't want to approach me either--suggesting that I'm wanted for neither a sexual, nor romantic, nor platonic relationship with either sex, nor am I even wanted for incarceration. I'm only wanted dead (repeatedly confirmed by thought-forms themselves).

They continue to interrupt me using little boy and ask, "who gives a ###$?" while smiling and laughing and having me refocus on someone else (being doing this for several months). I can tell why, but I have little much else to do that isn't as simple as staring at photographs for several hours with minimal interruption in regards to planning and speculation. The slightest muscle tension appears to increase the likelihood in triggering these. "You betcha'" and "what you're asking us to do to Alexa Mansour..." while most days this year it's Kiernan Shipka. They sometimes claim these to be jokes and that nothing has happened "yet" to any of these women but that doesn't stop them from using the little boy behaving inappropriately over this. They also have me blame myself over the little boy reappearing at random daily--over something as simple as attempting to discuss something with Jan as one would expect me to talk with a real woman.

Thought-forms insist of accusing me of somehow telling "mostly female law enforcement personnel" to begin inducing the ones with little boy daily within the 2022/2023 period without explaining how it is that I managed to "tell" these law enforcement personnel, when and where, by what means, and if not law enforcement personnel; then who or what?

Thought-forms continue to admit that they won't allow me to do anything more mentally-stimulating (e.g. editing Wikipedia), nor physically-stimulating (e.g. cleaning and organizing my home for longer than four to eight hours without their visual, auditory, tactile, and/or gustatory interruptions), nor allowing me to focus on whomever I'd like to focus on and whenever. "Not really," they tell me--insisting that I focus only on one only to randomly switch back and forth between various faces and voices as they'd been doing pretty much every day this whole year, and so on. "I lol'd" they often say.

Thought-forms have also namedropped Jan using the little boy's voice even after admitting that she's meant to replace the real woman she's supposedly based off of because (according to them in 2019) the real one is dead.

They've also begun namedropping various schoolteachers this year--particularly young women.

Thought-forms also continue to blame me for "ruining the mood" by somehow "blaming" others (e.g. random family members) for recalling how mere hours ago they'd insisted on ruining the mood regardless as to whether or not I happened to be focusing on their flavor-of-the-day or even flavor-of-the-hour woman to have me focus on.

They still can't get many of the women's voices right, either. They very rarely use one of Jan's original voices beyond her one-liners such as "correct"--generally only having her use some altered, anime-like voice that they began using probably sometime last year which sounds like significantly altered Soul Calibur voices (like those of the characters of Cassandra and Sophitia) and is often indistinguishable to that of little boy's (which nowadays tends to appear within a split-second regardless of my mood if I happen to recall and/or question them about pretty much anything--suggesting to me even further that their Jan is pretty much meant to be some sort of cute robot thing that cannot answer any questions like a real person might). Pretty much all of their voices sound American or Hispanic, but hardly any European or feminine Armenian accents as far as I can tell unless I make a significant conscious effort to recall one such voice. One of their thought-forms (using some sort of "template" they'd first used in 2019 of an underaged girl) still seems mostly mute, as those Jan at times--very occasionally using the blond woman's newer voice which seems to have been largely hijacked by the little boy.

Still nothing on why their smaller Jan keeps reappearing at random and how they managed to create her over the matter of seconds with next to zero conscious effort on my part to focus on it as it was being created, nor why it even exists, nor why the teenage girl and little boy appear almost equally vivid.

The little boy is namedropped yet again (he's been given something like at least two to five or seven different names) as I attempted to relax my back a few days ago. No explanation as to why the little boy wouldn't appear by default earlier on in 2022 (especially considering that he nowadays tend to reappear nude even after I'd consumed a large meal and/or am approaching bedtime and it now has a consistent presence almost 24/7 regardless of my mood, how well-nourished and rested I am).

Thought-forms continue to attribute any bursts of motivation from me at any point in between these past 30 to 35 years in my life to random people not present at the time (e.g. various family members whom I was not regularly communicating with in years such as 2013 and 2015). This basically shows that they expect me to believe and accept that I was never motivated into doing anything without some sort of "push" (as they have been doing this year using the little boy with a *mod edit* and blaming me both for not masturbating but also accusing me for always becoming sexually aroused whenever I do something that requires a significantly higher level of physical activity than simply staring at motionless pictures).

Thought-forms continue to ruin my mood when the most I've done is stay in bed staring at static images from around midnight to sunrise until I end up feeling intense physical and emotional pain lasting hours comparable to when they'd ruined my mood as I've attempted cleaning and organizing my home.

Thought-forms also confirm that, "they just don't give a ###$" as I attempt to refocus my attention to something unrelated to females. They've also confirmed that I will ultimately die regardless as to my "choice"--very strongly hinting at the idea that I will join a fictionalized version of the redheaded woman whom I've not seen since 2008 in the "Underworld" (as they'd referred to it around the same time they insisted on having me to choose and look for the nurse they'd claimed in 2019 that I'd decapitated in the "Underworld"--a nurse whom I now know to be a married woman with a daughter based off of recent pictures I found in her husband's Facebook from late last year) after I've suffered from some sort of heart attack due to the thought-forms' persistence in interrupting me over just about anything I try doing.

Thought-forms once again disturbed my sleep this morning during a nap and last night. They manage to do this (almost) daily for seemingly any reason--whether it be because I was fantasizing of a woman earlier in the day (to which they have a tendency to respond to with, "ew" more so than their visualizations involving the little boy), or because it's too hot as it was during the summer last year, or too cold as it was this past winter, or because my bed currently lacks a mattress--whatever the reason; they use such "reasons" to justify using the little boy performing sexually in order to disturb my sleep cycle anymore than it already is. Beyond such absurd "reasons"; they continue today within less than one hour of waking me up using the little boy using "justifications" such as the typically absurd, "solo por [insert random health care provider's name here]" or "because what you were asking us to do to [insert random health care provider's name here]". Within less than one hour; the thought-forms named two health care providers working at the same hospital building that I enter monthly to pick up my medication at their pharmacy. One of the health care providers the thought-forms regularly mention happens to work on the same floor as my pharmacy--only a few feet away in their urgent care. The other health care provider still has an office with a plaque on her door with her name somewhere in the third, fourth, or fifth floor of that building. Simply looking her up on the California Medical Board, Bureau of Psychology, Bureau of Behavioral Sciences, Kaiser web site, or other sites (e.g. PsychologyToday, Yelp, Zocdoc, RateMDs, MedicalGrades, etc.) reveals that she's still alive, well, and employed at the exact same location I'd first met her at in 2014. Even after paying dozens of dollars for numerous background checks across BeenVerified, PeopleFinders, Truthfinder, PeopleFinder, etc. to verify such information that's already publicly available for free; the thought-forms continue to repeatedly disregard such information and insist that something happened to one such health care provider whom I last asked to see last year but was told that she was too busy with other patients and use this as an "excuse" to justify repeatedly disturbing my sleep using the little boy behaving sexually until my sleep has been so deeply disturbed that I now feel even more depressed than I did three to six years ago. Regardless; they continue using the little boy at random on the basis that I'm depressed--disregarding that depression shouldn't have to last more than two years. Taking this into consideration--and the fact that depression is expected to last indefinitely assuming that it's lasted for more than two years (I was first diagnosed with depression in 2013, diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2016, first diagnosed with a psychotic disorder--delusional disorder erotomanic subtype also in 2016--and psychotic disorder not otherwise specified in 2019... diagnoses that, for the most part; the thought-forms tend to disregard and apply their own diagnoses such as "paranoia schizophrenia" -- "schizophrenia" -- "Asperger's" -- "psychopathy" -- "pedophilia" and at least two disorders that appear neither on the DSM nor ICD "melancholic schizophrenia" and "pornophilia").

After writing all of that out just now--much of which I've already written across several notebooks and covered with these thought-forms over these past three to four years--and the thought-forms simply say "sorry" (they "apologize" anywhere from at least five to ten times daily for behaviors that they resume shortly after) only to add seconds later "who gives a ###$?" and "so what?" They smile at me even now--expecting me to be satisfied with some sort of "reward" or "gift" which is usually a young woman that I find attractive but tends to be very quickly replaced after a few seconds or so because the thought-forms don't want me to masturbate (at least--not when I'm doing anything other than trying to focus on my studies and not to anything other than the little boy).

Within less than one hour; they accused some random cousin who's not been in this apartment since early-2019 and who currently owes me over $400 which I lent him to help him pay for his rent and bills of somehow inducing these hallucinations of the little boy behaving *mod edit* (inappropriately) today. Again--this isn't the first time that I've pointed this out to the thought-forms--but they now behave "apologetically" using the little boy--before asking, "so what?"

The thought-forms first made their presence to me roughly 1272 days ago and have remained present daily. They've been using the little boy behaving in such a sexual manner daily since roughly 364 days ago; although, they'd already been using the little boy similarly but to a much lesser extent throughout 2019, 2020, and 2021. The little boy continues to smile as I write this before putting my member into his mouth. They laugh. Seconds later; they refer to this incident that I just wrote in this post as having happened "yesterday". "Well duh," and, "so what?"

They laugh as I once again point out that the thought-forms expected me to take them seriously in 2019 when they first told me that they had the capacity to "induce pedophilia." They also disregard that I'd given my 7cupsoftea therapist this same information last year which resulted in having her take me seriously enough to contact my local authorities resulting in my getting 5150'd by law enforcement who first took me to the same police station that the thought-forms have been insisting since 2019 to turn myself in to before being involuntarily committed and forcefully medicated for 72 hours at a hospital.

The thought-forms continue even now as I attempt to finish this post to reject such information all the while smiling and having the little boy pop in and out asking, "so what?" and having me blamed as they do even when they wake me up at 1 AM on a hot spring or summer morning with extremely vivid pornographic imagery involving prepubescent children (that remains even with eyes closed and as I remain perfectly still for several minutes) that I cannot ever recall seeing not even when I was myself 12 or 13 years old and first introduced to P2P software such as Morpheus, Kazaa, and Limewire over two decades ago.

They now confirm that they will continue doing this on the basis that I apparently described some of details incorrectly. "I lol'd," they respond before smiling and laughing and removing the little boy's clothes yet again.

"Well, duh," -- "that was mostly female law enforcement personnel," -- "you betcha'" -- "we're pure evil," -- "fair enough" -- "what is it now?"