OhItsThatGuyAgain - Journal (replies welcome)

Thought-forms have resumed using the little boy yet again. They continue to use repetitive "justifications" such as, "...did the same thing to..." and, "I know so," or, "I know it," or, "they know it," or, "we're also dumb." We go through this pretty much every day and have been doing so for roughly a whole year. When I ask them, "what am I supposed to do with that information?" (paraphrased); they generally respond with roughly the same repetitive "justifications" as before... or they simply resort to using the little boy. The hallucinations involving the little boy often seem to become more vivid the more questions I ask--a behavior very different (in many ways) than what they were like in 2019 and 2020 (to which they now laugh over and respond with "that was decades ago" as the little boy does his usual... thing). They're now equating the little boy with some random cousin in his late-30s who has never looked like the little boy and are now asking me why I "use" said cousin. When I ask them how it is that I'm supposed to avoid "using" the little boy; they now ask, "how should I know?" as the hallucinations involving the little boy become increasingly more vivid while the others continue to behave shamelessly. They are now asking why it is that I "shame" some random middle school classmate whom I've neither seen nor spoken with in roughly 20 years, nor have I asked about him in over 10 years when I last spoke to a different middle school classmate, nor have I bothered to look either one up. They now changed tactic yet again and claimed that I'm, again, somehow "shaming" the aforementioned cousin. When I asked them how that is when he's not even here; they respond with, "I just don't give a ###$." They're now also claiming that I'm in some sort of "coma" and have been in one for several years, perhaps since before I turned 18... and are now claiming that I did the "same thing" to my 2014 therapist. Once again disregarding the reality of the situation that I would've been informed last year that I'd done something to her when I asked to see her, only to be told that she was busy with other patients. They're still very strongly pushing to have me looking for her (perhaps by using addresses collected through background checks over the months)... disregarding that those same background checks indicated that she's a 60-something married woman. "So what?' they continue to ask, showing complete and total disregard for not just what an actual psychiatrist once warned me against doing (attempting to contact health care providers outside of work), but also what my attorney has told me in regards to my 2017 therapist (thought-forms also continue to have me disregard her marital status).

They now call me a, "###$." I can tell why.

Thought-forms continued using the little boy even after behaving "apologetically." They then added, "we just don't give a ###$," before asking, "so what?" and, "why shame Edgar?" The little boy continues with the usual object in his mouth. They're also smiling at me now and insist on telling me to smile and laugh--because to them--the little boy doing his thing is alone the "joke". And the punch line.

"We're gonna' do it again."

"We know so."

They smile.

Wednesday, May 17th, 2023 4:51 AM (PST)

Thought-forms have resumed using the little boy. Rather than simply not inducing any hallucinations whatsoever; they would much rather blame me for this morning. But for what purpose, I wonder? What is it that they hope to accomplish here? To what end?

Thought-forms began about one or two hours ago to show me the face+body (clothed) of the actress Kathryn Newton in a semi-erotic manner for a short period... over the next one or two hours; they would rapidly switch back and forth a *mod edit* female toddler and a (also *mod edit*) female tween in between showing me the (ditto) little boy and have now finally settled with the boy. Simply having me question them how them having done the "same thing" to thousands of "mostly female law enforcement personnel" is supposed to "justify" having the thought-forms use the little boy daily for over a whole year is itself (apparently) sufficient "justification" to continue doing more of the same. Thought-forms smile at me now mere hours after confirming that I am expected to be banned a second time from these forums soon. Even writing this post is enough to intensify the hallucinations with the little boy. "Oh yeah," they responded as I pointed out how they'd previously told me that they don't want me becoming sexually aroused... not even to women such as Kathryn Newton. And yet they continue showing me Kathryn Newton and using the subsequent sexual arousal to justify using the little boy. Still no explanation as to why the hallucinations involving the little boy appear more frequently and vividly than those of any of their females by default... beyond my conscious control. Also no explanation as to how they expect me to be able to recall information from 2019 and 2020 that was supposed to "help" me "control" these thought-forms, but not be allowed to recall why they would punish me in previous years over becoming aroused by actresses such as Sophia Lillis.

They're now asking me whether or not I'm sure as to whether I want the little boy. They continue to smile and laugh and claim to have done the same thing to Jan and the February 2021 female redheaded doctor.

"So what?" (x4)

"Thou shalt not poop."

"Hell yes!" (x2)

"Well yeah"

Thought-forms continue to cause bowel irritation and movement only to subsequent interrupt such movements using primarily the little boy as they'd been doing over these past two or three days or so... inducing movements by irritating me roughly one to three times every hour. They also did this yesterday while I was outside (to the extent that I've already "sharted" both here at home and at least once or twice outside; in fact, they've previously admitted at having me publicly defecate on myself as they would appear to have done at least once in mid-2019 when I was wearing white shorts). They're still telling me to go outside today; also, they're punishing me by using the little boy over getting even the smallest details wrong when writing here.

Among their many responses this morning (paraphrased):

"Thou shalt horn-dog it to Sophia Lillis."

"Why is Jonathan Fuller so hot?"

"Why is Jonathan Fuller so pretty?"

"Why is Jonathan Fuller so fine?"

Thought-forms also show a capacity at scrambling certain words and memories--often making my attempts at recalling events from as recent as a few seconds ago emotionally and/or physically painful. Unfortunately--this inevitably results in inaccuracies--which thought-forms sometimes (as they have today) punished me over by using the little boy.

"So what?"

Thought-forms are now not even letting me review my own posts before posting them. They resume using the little boy almost immediately after posting and after they'd begun behaving "apologetically". They now accuse me of "preferring" the little boy simply by recalling what they were already doing with the little boy only seconds ago. "So what?" they ask before laughing. "Oh yeah," they respond--as if they'd already forgotten something that just happened seconds ago... to which they now refer to as "last year". They're also telling me, "thou shalt not use Jonathan," in between having them use the little boy, before, during, and after such "commands." "So what?" two more times since I last wrote that question in this same post.

"How dare you use Jonathan Fuller?" they ask in a seemingly sarcastic tone.

Earlier this year; they'd told me of having me learn how to "properly" use the little boy... as if indicating that they have absolutely no intent in getting rid of the little boy.

"Well, yeah," they respond. "Shut the ###$ up, already," they add.

Thought-forms continue with the little boy some more.

Over these past few weeks; they've been telling me to masturbate (at least once per day)... usually in the mornings. Apparently; they do this in order to get me stop feeling sexually aroused (which they nowadays find problematic because, for whatever reason, any sexual arousal whatsoever tends to go hand-in-hand with the little boy... disregarding that this pretty much never happened before the 2021/2022 period; they still insist on blaming me for this without explaining how or why this even happened in the first place). Whereas in the past; they found my sexual arousal to be problematic because it would often result in masturbation which would (sometimes) result in depression which would (sometimes) result in me attempting to inappropriately contact and/or seek various health care providers outside of work. This didn't always happen, however. A few times in 2016, 2018, 2019, and 2020, but not 2013, 2014, 2015, 2017, 2021, 2022, nor 2023.

A few minutes ago; I masturbated to a video of Lia Lor on xvideos. The thought-forms resumed with the little boy shortly after--despite not feeling depressed after finishing.

Whereas earlier today; they claimed that the little boy was here over something to do with Kiernan Shipka, Sophia Lillis, and/or Kathryn Newton--they now claim that it's over Julia Butters. No mention of Lia Lor, however.

Wednesday, May 17th, 2023 @ ≈2:50 PM (PST); Day 1312

It has been anywhere from 1295—1409 days since the visual and auditory hallucinations made themselves persistent 24/7. It has been ≈10 hours since I woke up. The little boy reappeared as I'd gotten up to go to the kitchen. They're now claiming that this has something to do with the actresses Rebecca Ferguson and/or Kiernan Shipka. Not entirely sure as to why they insist on showing me the faces of women that I find attractive, seeing as to the thought-forms don't want me becoming sexually aroused nor masturbating and are willing to use the little boy daily in order to prevent me from doing so.

Thought-forms re-re-resumed using the little boy yet again as I attempted to use the toilet.

"So what?"

"We're gonna' ruin it again."