OhItsThatGuyAgain - Journal (replies welcome)

Thought-forms started off with the little boy within less than one minute after I'd waken up this morning at around 7 AM. They've also re-resumed with the little boy at around 9:30 AM as I was beginning to write this post hoping to jot down something from the 2007 and 2008 period.

Anyway. I just recalled something from what was possibly late-2008 (perhaps in between the months of June and October--shortly before the release of Left 4 Dead--while playing the Zombie Panic mod for Half-Life 2). A possible auditory verbal hallucination while I was playing Zombie Panic with headphones and a microphone (I would later learn that my microphone was disconnected and was essentially talking to myself the entire time that I was playing, and yet I overheard someone who seemed to be talking about me). A similar situation in late-2007 shortly after the release of Team Fortress 2. After several hours of playing the game (perhaps within the first week or two after its release) with headphones on and the volume at maximum; I could still hear the sound-effects of the game for several minutes even while I was in the shower and the computer was shut off. Among the very few, rare, early instances in which I can recall experiencing what appeared to be auditory hallucinations during waking hours. Occurred very rarely during the day--perhaps once every few years in which I'd go, "wow was that a hallucination?"

Based off of the thought-forms' current reactions to this post; I get the feeling that they consider this information, too, to be "self-sabotage".

I've now had this strange metallic taste in my mouth for these past two days or so. I just got up to look at the inside of my mouth and found some reddish fluid. I'm still constipated, bloated, and feeling this strange sensation of fluids coming from my stomach upward to my mouth as if I'm about to vomit. Thought-forms continue to ridicule me before, during, and after my bowel movements effectively interrupting my attempts at defecating once I reach my toilet. "We just don't give a ###$," they continue to tell me while smiling. Unfortunately; I also get the feeling that my payment for my health insurance has yet to go through. "You betcha'" the thought-forms also say. They also continue to namedrop the redheaded February 2021 doctor and her "husband" supposedly named "Steve".

Saturday, May 6th, 2023 5:47 PM (PST); Day 1,301 since the thought-forms first began to induce visual and auditory hallucinations 24/7

Thought-forms are doing it again. They're having me accept their "fact" that they are literally THE God Himself. They, of course, disregard what one of the Santeria witch doctors told me back in 2019... that I had the Abrahamic God on my side. That He agreed with me and would protect me. I've since come to accept that this is untrue. Not only was God not on my side, not only do thought-forms not represent God, but God, quite simply, may as well not even exist. I would've gotten the same effect from talking to a Christian exorcist and confessing to and praying with a priest for free (which I did in 2019) instead of paying two Santeria witch doctors hundreds of dollars.

What also trips me out is that the thought-forms had actually claimed to represent both God and the Devil for a few weeks back in 2019... they'd even insisted that God and the Devil were the "same thing". Later on; they'd claimed to literally be a Santeria deity called "Ogun". Sometime in early-2020; I spoke with one of the Santeria witch doctors about this and he told me that this sort of thing simply doesn't happen. Ogun doesn't simply appear like that, and what I was seeing at the time were bad spirits pretending to be him and others.

Thought-forms have resumed using the little boy yet again...not entirely sure as to why. It seems that since they've repeatedly insisted on playing God--that they can't help but pretend to be offended by any speculation as to how God functions. So how do the thought-forms assume that God would respond by being "offended"? By using the little boy, apparently.

Thought-forms once again interrupt my Disney+ Star Wars episode -viewing for whatever reason.

They've also become increasingly aggressive as of 7:03 PM. Not entirely sure as to why. I had over nine hours of sleep last night. I've consumed breakfast, dinner, and various snacks. I've pretty much done everything they've previously complained to me about not doing enough (e.g. being well-rested and well-fed), and done nothing that they've previously complained to me about doing too often (e.g. masturbation and brushing my teeth). They laugh as I write this and continue to say things like, "we just don't give a $#%^," and so on.

They're also pretending as if I'm somehow asking them to stay for another twenty to thirty years or so as I began to very quickly plan for my future. Not the first time. As I've written before; they pretend as if I'm somehow telling them to stick around while I plan things to do in the near future... whether it be heading out to the store to buy aftershave, mouthwash, or eye drops, or even as simple as getting off my bed to watch TV in the living room or walking over to the bathroom to shower. Instead of simply not inducing visual and auditory hallucinations; they'd much rather have me assume that they were just about to leave before I decided to plan which hygiene products to purchase at my nearest store and that I'm somehow asking them to stay to remind me what I wanted to buy by the time I get to the store. How did I ever manage to do that all on my own in previous years such as 2011, 2012, 2015, and so on? They claim that random cousins were they by my side all along, but they were not.

Thought-forms have repeated, "so what?" something like five to ten times over these past fifteen minutes or so. That's like once every minute.

Sunday, May 7th, 2023 7:11 AM (PST)

Thought-forms woke me up with three depressing dreams in a row about a dog that the thought-forms had me get rid of last year. My mother got me out of bed by 7 AM and the thought-forms resumed with the little boy seconds later. Simply asking them as to why they had me get rid of one of my dogs last year is apparently enough reason for them to use the little boy.

Sunday, May 7th, 2023 9:42 AM (PST); Day 1,302 since thought-forms first made their presence visually known to me on a daily basis

Thought-forms are being (almost) as annoying as ever... almost. I already know that slowly but surely they'll get worse. Any little thing seems to be setting them off. I sit on my couch to watch a gameplay video on Youtube of a new FPS+RTS video game--and I can hear the thought-forms' annoying little commentary throughout the video in regards to a new game that would have otherwise blown my mind away four to ten years ago. I hear one of the men laughing nearby.

They tend to settle down somewhat more when I watch videos on terrariums and cute animals depending on my "mood". Unfortunately: doing this doesn't seem to be quite as effective as it was a little over a year ago.

Forgot to add that the thought-forms seem to have their own weird little way to define what it means to be in a "good mood". What they'd previously (like one to three years ago) may have agreed with me were "good moods" are today moods that they no longer feel satisfied with. This indicates to me even further they get bored much quicker, lack greater patience, and are less easily satisfied than I do and am. This also indicates to me that they essentially intend to remove all freedom of expression and free will from me. They also disregard that real therapy rarely lasts longer than 6 to 24 months. They laugh at this.

What was their problem with me before, again?

Thought-forms continue to make my attempts at carrying out even the most basic of organizational tasks such as rearranging my bookmarks that in previous years; I would've gladly given up and entire day or even a whole week over with next to zero complaint on my part (who else would I complain to, anyway? I'd just go to bed at night and do something very similar but slightly different the next day). Thought-forms have also confirmed that I'm somehow telling them to use the little boy in order to "motivate" me into doing something that the only incentive I needed in the past (before 2018/2019) was, "it'll be fun because it needs to be done. Nobody is telling me to do this and it's really not that important, but I still care and I have nothing better to do." They also like to take credit for this... having me write something out that I had an inherent understanding of and thus did not need to use words to remind myself.

Thought-forms once again confirm that they plan to kill me perhaps with an induced heart attack. "So what?" they ask shortly before accusing me of having done the same thing to one or two of my cousins. They've also re-resumed using the little boy today. They find this amusing and mention my 2014 therapist again. A nude female appears shortly after... appears to be a tween I've met. "You bet," one of them says.

Thought-forms did it again. Started off with the little boy then quickly switched to a naked young woman with you-know-what in her mouth. Their "reasoning" this time around was apparently over something that supposedly happened to my 2014 therapist (only met and spoke with her once in June 12th) at any point over these past eight to ten years or so (or may occur in the near-future). The aforementioned naked young woman is unrelated to the therapist. The two women only resemble each other superficially (both have petite body types)--the naked young woman is a few decades younger, has darker skin tone, and is perhaps shorter.