OhItsThatGuyAgain - Journal (replies welcome)

Thought-forms continue to use the little boy at random nearly three hours after waking up. Physically: my main concern would currently be constipation-related. Thought-forms continue to smile and laugh at me while using the little boy and responding with, "you betcha'" -- "we're pure evil" -- "so what?" (x4) -- "we just don't give a ###$" -- "why over-use Jonathan?" -- ":(" -- *mod edit- English only please* and so on. They continue to confirm that they will repeatedly interrupt my bowel movements and attempts at remaining hydrated after having consumed Pepto Bismol or prune juice. They've also admitted that they plan to have me urinate and perhaps defecate on myself in public. "Hell yes!" they respond while laughing. It's becoming increasingly obvious over these past few months that they're having me relax my lower body so much after repeatedly refusing to allow me to consume water and use my bathroom that I end up becoming constipated just about every week now that I feel like I'm losing control over my bowel movements and could easily defecate over myself at any moment regardless as to whether or not I'm in a bathroom or restroom. Thought-forms continue to pretend as if this is the first time they've told me of this mere seconds after confirming that they're planning to do just that. I've now had to shut off the movie that I was watching to which the thought-forms now respond with, "no thanks to you," as if I regularly had a problem watching movies at any point over the previous thirty years or so before the thought-forms first began to regularly interrupt my bowel movements and movie-watching habits.

"So what?" twice from them as I was writing out that last sentence.

Thought-forms have also admitted to having me commit suicide in a certain way that seems "accidental" (e.g. they've often had me hold my breath for long periods of time to the extent that they've shown a certain capacity to shut off both voluntary and involuntary breathing--perhaps inducing death by sleep apnea during my sleep). They've also admitted at being able to induce "la mort d'amour"--death during sex at the point of climax--even without actually experiencing sexual intercourse... simply masturbating without actually touching myself. In 2019; one of the thought-forms expressed something resembling disgust because I'd been attempting (unsuccessfully) to induce a lucid wet dream for nearly twenty years intermittently. Thought-forms would also go on to tell me to, "never ask for anything ever again," -- "never ask for help ever again," and that I would get "everything you've ever dreamed of" in the slowest, dumbest, and worst ways possible potentially leading me to a very slow, painful death. Since thought-forms have already shown a capacity at inducing more intense pain than pleasure during both sleeping and waking hours; I fear that I could very easily die in my sleep (painfully), or as I'm falling asleep, or waking up.

Here comes another awkward portion of this whole "psychic awareness" (their name for this "program"--a sort of "package deal" that comes with several years worth of thought-forms, hallucinations, delusions, confabulations, nightmares, and barely-coherent "plotlines" that lead me nowhere useful except maybe to a police station, jail, and/or hospital every once in awhile)... since the thought-forms weren't allowing me to peacefully watch television (eventually ordering me to switch it off); I ended up returning to bed. As it is currently 8:43 AM; I feel that it is perhaps a bit late to be sleeping--which thought-forms use as sufficient justification to resume their tantrums (which nowadays tends to involve the little boy doing the thing as he is doing right now) in order to keep me awake. Whereas before these hallucinations had begun, my thought-processes would go something like, "well it's a bit late to be sleeping but I'm too tired to do anything else so I'll just lay here for a bit and if I fall asleep then I'll fall asleep, if I don't then I'll just go find something else to do like play video games or whatever because it's not like I have anything better to do anyway."

Thought-forms continue roughly a quarter of a day later. It is now nearly noon and rather than explaining to me why they wouldn't allow me to watch television peacefully earlier this morning; they would much rather threaten me with the little boy (which they've already been using throughout this entire morning--rapidly switching back and forth from the little boy to various small-breasted females). Earlier this morning; they'd suggested that I was somehow to blame--vaguely hinting at it having to do with me focusing on the actress Keira Knightley while I was attempting to rewatch the first Pirates of the Caribbean film.

They're now telling me to not bother with rewatching Pirates of the Caribbean (which is now going in a list of films that I'm not allowed to rewatch such as The Dark Knight Returns and films that I've never gotten around to finish watching the first time around such as the fourth Matrix film).

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023 11:33 AM (PST)

Thought-forms have once again resumed using the little boy with... that thing in his mouth, y'know. They then switched back to a short-haired female and appear to be rapidly oscillating and cycling through multiple visual forms in order to confuse me.

But anyway. Just as I was getting comfortable enough to leave my bedroom and resume watching the first Pirates of the Caribbean film three to five hours later (I was hoping to be able to watch all five films before the end of the day); the thought-forms repeatedly confirmed that they would resume using the little boy as soon as I moved back to the couch in the living room... even after "apologizing". They now continue to smile, laugh, fling accusations, respond with, "you betcha'" and, "well duh," all the while going back and forth from telling me, "only use Jonathan," -- "why over-use Jonathan?" -- "thou shalt use Jonathan," (among other nonsensical, self-contradicting "suggestions").

"Why blame [insert random cousin's name here]?" (for whatever reason--they decided to namedrop some random cousin who's not even here with me now, nor has he ever been in this building, nor does he have anything to do with this). I've noticed that thought-forms also seem to be terrible at making such connections. For example: earlier on... while attempting to watch, say, a DC superhero movie; they'd ask me why I was "shaming" a certain cousin simply by getting up to do something else while watching it. They disregarded that the movie was free and that I could easily rewind and rewatch whenever I felt like it, and that none of my cousins have been in this building except for only one of them just once way back in January or February of 2019. They'd incorrectly name my cousins, however. They'd refer to one of my older cousins as a DC fan, where, in fact, it was his younger brother who was the Batman fan among the two. His older brother was more of Marvel fan (Spiderman and Iron Man).

Anyway. On another note; I'd earlier on watched a Steven Seagal film and it was around that time (late-2019 to early-2020) that the thought-forms took the forename "Steven" and began to apply it to both random people I've met and those I've never met... one of the more annoying things ever. Some time after I'd first met with the redheaded female doctor from February 2021; the thought-forms randomly decided to invent a person named "Steven" who was supposedly her husband. Over the next one, two, or three years--they'd randomly namedrop this person and claimed to be doing the "same thing" to him in order to use as a justification to continue using the little boy on me. As I write this; they claim to be this funny and ask, "so what?" while I hear laughter. A few weeks ago; I ran a few expensive background checks on this redheaded doctor woman using a combination of BeenVerified, Truthfinder, Peoplefinder, etc. and found that not only is she not related to anyone named "Steven", but, she appeared to not be married. Thought-forms now claim that I deserve this.

"We just don't give a ###$," and, "why die happy?"

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023 12:22 PM (PST)

After masturbating to a porn video while fantasizing of one of my health care providers; thought-forms resumed with the little boy in voice, face, and body within seconds and continued over the next few minutes as I moved from my bedroom to the living room hoping to finish rewatching the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie... pretty much exactly as they'd threatened they would do about one hour ago. All the more annoying; thought-forms have begun to sometimes suggest that I masturbate at least once a day (usually in the mornings) or once per week in order to "help" the thought-forms "relax". Unfortunately--the effect appears to vary and be very inconsistent.

They also resumed with the usual accusation of something to do with this "Steve" person/husband of the redheaded doctor's even minutes after I'd already written about why this is so stupid.

This part is pretty much just a note for myself as the "Notes" app on this tablet has been non-functional and many of my digital messages across multiple venues seem to mysteriously disappear whereas my handwritten messages in regards to autobiographical history would seem to have completely overwhelmed pretty much any of my attempts at independent research unrelated to myself across nearly 40 notebooks nearly full of mostly-repetitive information such as, "as per usual: thought-forms are still doing that little boy thing," as I've been doing with these posts. Thought-forms laugh as I write this and ask, "so what?"

Thought-forms once again resume using the little boy intermittently as I attempt watching a movie I've never seen before (After Earth). I suppose that I have no choice but to simply sit this one out and wait to try something different tomorrow. Thought-forms smile at this part, too.

I'm pretty sure that they're doing this on purpose. "For the lulz," the thought-forms tell me before laughing and blaming me.

They basically strongly hint at the idea of having me stop posting here only to resume immediately after posting with slightly different BS that I have to describe here.

They also do this thing in which they "settle down" (somewhat) in a certain way as if deluding me into a false sense of security--which tends to result in me getting myself worked up over something (e.g. like me writing these posts on here about them) until my spasms and cramps escalate into increasingly more painful convulsions. This--combined with the thought-forms' persistent presence all throughout--escalates very quickly over the course of a few minutes into some of the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my entire life. Regardless; they like to pretend that this pain has nothing to do with them and that I would have experienced this same level of pain (if not worse) had they not been here. Not only that, but I can recall how earlier on as far back as 2020 in which one of their own startled me to the extent of inducing painful convulsions to which he responded with, "so what?" It would not be the last time. Not only that, but the simple action of getting ready to go outside to my nearest hospital (or anywhere else, really) often results in such tremendous pain that I often do not bother.

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023 4:58 PM (PST)

Thought-forms have resumed using the little boy yet again even after having eaten dinner about one or two hours ago. Their reasoning now? "Solo por Morgpie." "Morgpie," is the name of an amateur porn actress . I did not masturbate to her video today. She also closely resembles a therapist working in Beverly Hills that I found through Yelp back in 2016. I attempted to make an appointment to see her by phone or e-mail, but never got a response.

Thought-forms initially very strongly hinted at having me write all of that out here just now only to contradict themselves seconds later. They're hinting at further "self-sabotage" (as they would say in 2019). Not sure what it is as I only found Morgpie a few years after finding the Beverly Hills therapist. Were it the other way around... they might have something. Not like it matters anyway, because they already have it.

Thursday, May 4th, 2023 6:20 AM (PST); Day 1299

I went to bed shortly before 9 PM and got out shortly after 5 AM. Thought-forms have once again resumed with the little boy. I attempted to yet again resume rewatching the film, "This is the End" only to have the thought-forms repeatedly interrupt. They continue to disregard that before these 24/7 hallucinations began; I'd usually spend the first one or two hours after waking up in the mornings by multitasking by watching TV and/or a movie while playing video games and browsing the internet (e.g. in 2013; I'd connected my laptop to my TV with an HDMI cable and developed the habit of using one TV to be able to watch TV shows and movies in one window, play video games in another, and browse the internet in another--all on the same screen). Thought-forms don't seem to like that. They'd much rather have me quickly rush through a list of movies I've already seen on Netflix, pick one at random, hyperfocus on it and do nothing else, and repeat this process throughout the entire day every day.