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Pondering on what I heard about an argument of my relatives

Postby xod_s » Sat Oct 17, 2015 6:03 pm

There's plenty of media and informational takes on how there is a different "appearance vs. reality" reality for when it comes to "popular kids" in high school. How they have issues of their own, which they don't 'let off' lest their appeal diminishes.

My own cruddy experiences aside, when I think about my own cousins I don't think any of them were 'popular kids' ,so to speak. I mean, I would guess that at least ~4 and 1/2 were socially well-adjusted and had "rich,normal social lives".

1:37 p.m. going to press 'follow' on one of my cousin's fb account and see what might appear--1:39 p.m. ,meh :| ,nothing

With the cousins younger than my brother..I know that with two of them,they're not always as content as I'd think they'd be and the female cousin I'm thinking of comes to my mind. I've heard things after my siblings visited her on Thursday.

Anime affacionado, not into exercise, isn't always conspicously fond of a younger brother who might have developmental issues?...if it weren't for her I'm assuming adequate social life, conversational ability and (from what I've usually seen in her) emotional buoyancy, my thoughts would go to thinking that the former interests would take higher precedence than the latter statements and I'd be even more concerned.

:? Though a recent divorce, recently entering high school and it's (to me at least) petty social dynamics which most apparently well-adjusted not-me ppl can handle just fine ,though her being a girl, her mom's business efforts and living-place situation (let's just say 'potentially cramming/crowded')...seems like what might emerge is what might *"glibbly" =_= * be referred to as "teenage drama"...

Knowing how she even "talked back" to my sister,I'm afraid that if she saw this she'd be upset at me. A part of me is wondering about an element here, which might not be a valid factor..maybe not yet anyhow

to kinda quote someone else, "the culture bias in the hiring practices of the Catholic school board which would make things like bullying overlooked",stuff I can very much attest to..while I doubt somewhat whether what my cousin has undergone recently is bullying or even recent harassment (though I remember over the summer her talking about tensions with her friends).

What I believe is that when you have an institution which is able to somehow excluding a reality which is much more diverse than what winds up becoming normative for said institution (in this case an ostentatious -~- ,claim to be following something,a religion in this case), what winds up happening within are intrapersonal dynamics were what is detrimental might be more sharply "painful" than what's "outside the bubble/sphere" but is amplified all the more b/c it is happening within a bubble where a complacent consistency where such things are ignored or shrugged off (=-= by jacka--- or not). And if that's more or less the"only" reality you've been raised in, it can really s---k unless your up to ditching out.

I hope it's not like that for her and I hope it's not going to be anywhere like that for her in the ~5 yrs she might be their. Their's a public high school which she was considering before,I know that.

However her not having the "social web" of a "popular kid" only having 7+ close friends, I'd hope it wouldn't s---k for her (too much at least) if she transferred and delves into introversion for reasons a/o causalities which aren't too healthy,like I did.
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I hate to say this possible negative pt I see with my mom but..

Postby xod_s » Sat Nov 07, 2015 3:59 am

I have a feeling that my mom cooks to the extent of surplus. I think it's not only out of habit but b/c maybe subconsiously ,minus us both, by leaving recently prepared food out and exposed it wanes off the "there's nothing to eat" statement my siblings make the statement and (maybe) my dad not really being up to looking closely for food beyond asking "..is there any food?" to us, w/the implication being "out and ready".

While this is in a sense a "cool problem" to have, it bothers me how there's usually so much food in the fridge that it's starting to get more common imo for food to go bad just b/c no one decided to eat some or didn't notice it the whole time.

And it bothers me b/c -_- aside from how often my siblings are inclined to eat out (shawarma and pizza usually, it seems), my parents don't really eat much and I'm only one person who doesn't have much of an appetite and while the food is great,it takes a while to warm up ,pack up if I'm taking it, the space containers can take up in my back-pack -~- ,not to mention having to count on burning the calories sooner than later..a few hours ago I threw out two (I think?) navel oranges which went bad into the backyard :| .
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This summary after the one I made on my birthday

Postby xod_s » Mon Nov 16, 2015 4:18 am

Okay thus far

-I bring up things which I'm still trying to do on a "to do list"
-" " my concern for one of my cousin's and how my mom handles the quantities of food around

if this lessening of what I write is something which has resulted from being "less stressing",I'm okay with it,b/c for one thing my state of mind,negative or not will reflect around here.

Ceasing schooling soundly is kind of more my thing right now.
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Re: xod_s journal (replies welcomed)

Postby xod_s » Sun Nov 20, 2016 4:48 pm

This is, at least in part, because they both labor under a hypermasculine drive for certainty
and finality.


The quote is from the transcript to an video n the Youtube channel Wisecrack called 'South Park on RELIGION'. Indeed it is; while I was uncomfortable with watching the video and I am thankful their being a feature where a transcript was there which I could read. I personally found it *quite* significant in not only understanding what goes on, on the show but for what possible reasons, which ultimately point to how whenever you take anything too seriously your going to seem silly, much like what is consistent thing on South Park--"The question, in other words, isn’t whether our belief system is a joke.It’s whether or not we know it".

`_`And tbh I've been vaguely 'creeped out' by

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karu%E1%B ... a_Buddhism

"In the Intermediate section of the Stages of Meditation by Kamalashila, he writes:
Moved by compassion[karunā], Bodhisattvas ['Buddhist-saints'] take the vow to liberate all sentient beings. Then by overcoming their self-centered outlook, they engage eagerly and continuously in the very difficult practices of accumulating merit and insight. Having entered into this practice, they will certainly complete the collection of merit and insight. Accomplishing the accumulation of merit and insight is like having omniscience itself in the palm of your hand. Therefore, since compassion [ever so connected with empathy] is the only root of omniscience, you should become familiar with this practice from the very beginning"


...and what this means as to the nature of volition (free will, predeterminism,compatabilism)

..one reason and I was eventually drawn to read this book [link removed] and am less unsettled upon seeing how the concept of 'omnipotence' is a thing in Freudianism.

:| Meh. I tell myself how (i) 'the divine attributes' are internally inconsistent; they don't overlap too well once you ponder about more than one. Even theologians will somewhat 'reject' attributes and goodness knows how uncomfortable/have struggled with the concept of omnipotence ever since I was little..a contributing factor to my development and life-view etc,etc (ii) the notion of divine attributes from what I've seen was apparently mainly set down by Thomas Aquinas...I don't know if it would mean that the notion is overall 'fair-game' for criticism to non-Catholics.

In the case of one which emerges out of 'compassion'..I suppose imo, that the 'internal inconsistency' would be *'self-kindness'*.

Which I could do better than paraphrase Stephen King but there is a quote I remember by him which goes something like ~"I think that honesty is the opposite of fear..honesty and belief'.

One reason why I think exposure of stuff like the stuff above about compassion and kindness is important, even though there is a lingering at the back of my mind of how 'the divine' might strike lighting on me today for having so much as brought it up...and I decided to place it ___ .

He also said this..

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/516857- ... of-sadness

“And I believe happiness is the exact opposite of sadness, bitterness, and hatred: happiness should remain unexamined as long as possible.”

______________

Well, existence/life?. You see what you made me do?. I've exposed a part of you, not knowing if what I'm doing is uncovering something I'm afraid of and/or if this revenge on you. Instead of making it so that most of what I respond with is 'right', in order for me to learn more efficiently and finally get on with life and feeling more like an adult, than one which became 'quasi-instituitionalized' by the very instituition which I loved at one point-- [swear word] aside.


[Etc,etc,etc; painful stuff]

Could you *please* give 'super-powers' to those of us who make it a thing not to take you for granted instead to dipcheeses who will contribute to the demographic of dip-cheeses great at doing their job but uncomfortable to be around.

..but I mean hey, do I even have a right to say that?. I mean I'm pretty uncomforting myself apparently.

[Etc,etc,etc]

This posting 'has been brought to you' by the obsessiveness, wordiness and a motivation issue to do stuff as dry, tedious and slow-to-sink in as accounting and Microsoft Word stuff..a 'listening' problem etc,etc,etc.
____

Where science or even more ~'systematic' methods of belief might not work like philosophy or religion, art might 'fill in' a gap imo. Stephan King in literature is on my mind in regards to fear..fear and pain..

Please don't shame and cease compassion for sex-trade workers; I've heard the phrase 'attention whore' before and I wouldn't be surprised if it can qualifably be applied to me.

___

'`_` Respect..etc,etc,etc.'

Failing more classes is "-__- @~@ *DEEPLY* annoying >~< ...

...how much of what I've typed is b/c of a someone and horrifying intrusive thoughts, I had ?.
____

If anyone is out there please, respond to this ~'failed-student'. It will help be less afraid of myself.

*SELF-GENTLENESS*
Last edited by Echinacea on Sun Nov 20, 2016 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: xod_s journal (replies welcomed)

Postby xod_s » Fri Dec 02, 2016 12:13 am

Even janitors have better health than me; even the ones I'm not related to.
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Re: xod_s journal (replies welcomed)

Postby xod_s » Fri Dec 02, 2016 12:29 am

'On Kindness' by Adam Phillips and Barbara Taylor was the book for which the link was removed.

To think that stuff in Western philosophy whether it be from Decartes, Berkley or Husserl could be 'experienced' possibly as an 'end result of meditation'. Meditacion is ~'solipsism sublimated imo'.

Me typing this 'addendum' doesn't mean I'm more likely to mess up the Word exam. Honestly, though, I think I will take 'the ultimate gamble' with being neglectful of the math exam b/c the stakes for the Mohawk ones are too high on my mind. I have to leave here,dang it >_< !.

I think I might've reached the point where my mental health even while expressing stuff in Spanish (different 'levels of articulation' due to vocabulary and such aside) are about similar.

I actually watched a video on nihlism *in Spanish ^_^ *, yesterday
[Link removed]
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Re: xod_s journal (replies welcomed)

Postby xod_s » Fri Dec 02, 2016 7:34 pm

..*mental* health, I meant to say..
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2k16 take-up or overview

Postby xod_s » Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:38 pm

-the posting which is about spirituality, a sense of ..'~revenge..'.. and self-kindness, the posting where I bring up how even maintence staff can likely be better off in terms of mental health, an addendum [correction: Meditation is ~'solipsism sublimated imo'] and a correction.

It could have been a single posting.
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Questionably [a noun]..

Postby xod_s » Sat Mar 18, 2017 6:36 pm

Out of the various forums in which I could be posting, I picked this one; 'when in doubt, moderation' a voice in my mind says.

Tbh, I was going through tvtropes and read a bit about an sexually undertoned sort of trope which I admit to have looked at after having looked up a certain 'Elite four' character from the Pokemon series and while thinking about certain women, I know irl.

I admit how that and recent 'bulbapedia' website wonderings have been fueled by my distraction to not do certain exercises regarding exposure therapy. Aside from some issues which popped up in my after doing a certain related reading, I am 'annoyed' by how much time it might take for me to do it.

While I am something of an agnostic--*functional* atheist in private, I don't like missing Catholic services at the only place which I know of in the city I am in, where such services are done in Spanish. I find it to be a very distinct place to let mindfulness emerge for one thing.

----

My congested nose and triggering of phlegm is subsiding even more now imo. I love Ken Sugimori and how he did the artwork for Pokemon early on.

Here's to me not obsessing over a possibly Darwinian-esque interpretation of mention sex and a contentious game series with an animal like competitive bloodsport premise, which I admit to having a 'history of fondness' for.

Etc,etc,etc.
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Etc,etc

Postby xod_s » Tue May 02, 2017 5:00 am

..school is "functionally" over for me..
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