weepingwillow's journal (replies welcome)

thank you cracked! you've been so nice.

willow

You are welcome hon

How has today gone?

Huge hugs

Cracked

hey ,

Today has been good, the woman i spoke to was lovely. i didnt feel judged like i thought i would. im regretting telling her my weight though! but she isnt forcing me to do anything. i do need to see my gp though so i can get a refferal to the mental health team then they will refer me on to the eating disorders service.
i have to try and keep a food diary and try to eat small amounts throughout the day. i said i would try but ive already ignored lunch and snack times. she said shes expecting big gaps in it though.
im working the night the support group is on but maybe the next one.

i honestly couldn't have done any of this if i hadnt signed up here! everyone is so caring and supportive!

thank you

willow

something that woman said has been bugging me all day and i think its why i cant manage to eat anything.
she said "if you eat little and often you will be able to lose the weight". she might aswel have just said "yeh, you are fat but if you do this you will lose weight!"
my friend said she was probably just trying to make me want to do what she was suggesting because im nowhere near being overweight but i dont know.

also got a letter from my gp today asking me to make an appointment for follow up blood tests so looks like my secret is out!

i know its for the best but i would of preffered to do it in my own time. oh well. going to stop worrying about it, im giving myself a migraine!

dont think this whole food diary thing is going to work. didnt eat all day and binged and threw up twice tonight. im supposed to write how i was feeling at the time, i didnt eat because i was scared i wouldnt stop but i dont feel anything when i binge. i barely remember it!
i hope she isnt too annoyed with me for not trying hard enough.
i have a headache from thinking too much

You are really trying hard honey - it is just that ED is so difficult to get on top of. But you are doing the right things to get there. It will jsut take some time.

Huge hugs

Cracked

i dont feel like im trying. i keep making excuses for why i cant eat.
i wish id never said i would try the food diary. i hate saying i'll do something and not doing it.

i didnt sleep last night and still have a pretty bad headache so hopefully thats whats causing this downer and i'll be more positive once theyre sorted.

willow

Huge hugs hon - you will get there. Please persevere with the food diary as hopefully it will help you - I do know it is tough tho. I had bulimia when I was younger. It has mostly gone now except for occasionally. Things can get better.

Hope tonight is a better night for you

Hugs

Cracked

hi,
sorry for being so negative, hate being like that!

still haven't been able to eat anything on the food plan but im going to keep trying. did it take you long to be able to stick to a plan?
im trying to remind myself that it will take time. ive never had much patience! lol

thank you

willow

I had it at boarding school and rather than help I got into trouble so did not have a plan and stuff. I guess I got through it by talking to a therapist when I was older but I wish I had had help. It does make a difference I think. So keep trying even if it is difficult. Things will improve

Huge hugs

Cracked