weepingwillow's journal (replies welcome)

hi,

she doesnt think i'll go through with it if i go on my own and if im totally honest shes probably right so think i will let her go with me.

willow

spent most of the day on the sofa with my big blanket, crossword puzzles, good music playing and my dog snuggled beside me. thought it would help me get some sleep. not yet!

got a txt message inviting me to the work xmas dinner. everyone in work are friends and are always going out and doing things outside work. i used to until a few years ago. i feel bad for not going, im sure they think i dont like them or something. i dont know why i stopped going though, its not even the eating. i used to go and just not eat then we went on for drinks. ive said no anyway. maybe next time.

With work you sound sad that you are not going. Is there a possibility for you to change your mind? I used to not go to work dos but when I started going it was so much better - and made me get more friendly with ppl there too which made being at work nicer. Maybe have a think about it or if you cant face the whole thing maybe just go to part of it?

Anyhow hugs

Cracked

i would like to go but couldnt face it yet, and i cant drink so i would sit like a bore and not speak. hopefully when things start to get a little better i can go to the next do. its usually not that long before another one. thank you though

willow

really annoyed at myself!
been feeling down all day and when my friend came round she asked how i was and i lied and said i was fine. i always do that! that made me feel guilty so then when she left i felt even worse.
i always pretend things are fine, i thought it would be easier once i told someone some of what was happening but it hasnt. i wish i could say

hopefully this is just lack of sleep talking and things will seem better after a good sleep

Hi hon

I know about that not being able to tell ppl how things really are thing. It is really tough. With practise tho it does get easier - it is a case of taking a deep breath and telling someone you TRUST what is going on for you. Remember you dont have to tell everyone tho.

Hope this finds you doing OK and that you had a good sleep

Hugs

Cracked

hiya,

thankyou.
im not sure there is anyone i really trust. i did trust a family member once with something and it was brought up and used against me in an arguement. i will try with my friend, she doesnt understand at all but she does try.

yesterday was awful, i binged and threw up twice and i cut (not bad).
not feeling any better today but have to work later so i'll need to put on the 'happy' face.
hate being in this mood.

had a really good night in work, just had a laugh and i feel soooo much better than i have last few days. got sleeping tablets to make sure i get some sleep too.

just need to stop over thinking everything and worrying about things i cant do anything about!

still feel pretty good

took sleeping tablets so had a better sleep, still kept waking but not as much as usual. binged and threw up 3 times yesterday but i didnt feel as bad as i usually do after.

so nervous about tomorrow! my heart sinks everytime i think about it! least work tonight will help distract me for a few hours.

So glad you are feeling a bit better. Keep going and things will improve for you. Let us know how you go

Huge hugs

Cracked