weepingwillow's journal (replies welcome)

Replies welcome

mixed day today, started out feeling good. had a talk with a good friend and told her about my bulimia (surprised myself how honest i was). i was only going to tell her a little bit and see how she responded but she was so nice and supportive i ended up telling almost everything. i told her about the depression a little but not the self harm. she said she will do anything she can to help.

then feeling all motivated, i made an appointment with a girl at the eating disorders charity. its next week. really nervous about it. i still keep thinking its not that big of a problem and im overreacting to it. i dont know, i'll go anyway and see what happens.

had a really bad night in work. dont get on with one of the people i was working with. another one of the girls offered me a bit of chocolate and when i said 'no thank you' she made a whole big scene saying i never eat anything, then other people got involved adding their opinions on my eating habits! i was totally mortified so hid for a while then just kept myself busy until i could leave

didnt eat all day until about 12;30am then binged and threw up. cant remember the last day i went without being sick.

punched the wall to try and stop me cutting, it usually works but its not tonight. going to make a cup of tea and put some good music on. i wish it was daytime so i could go for a walk or run.

hope tomorrow is a good day

I'm really glad to hear that your good friend was very supportive when you told her about your bulimia and depression. That is really good to hear as it means you will be able to receive some extra support. Knowing that she knows and is still prepared to stick with you through it is a really encouraging experience. I think you did really well to open up to her.

It's also really good that you managed to make an appointment with the eating disorders people... I hope they will be able to help you. There is a chance that at the moment you downplay the severity of your eating disorder because you have no other way of coping with it at the moment. When you have the support of the people who will help you, it may make it easier to confront how big of a problem it is. I doubt you are overreacting to it from what you've said, it sounds like it really needs to be addressed...

I'm sorry to hear about all the people at work weighing in with their opinions on your eating habits. It's really awful when people do that. It's hard enough to deal with an eating disorder without having loads of people being negative about it also...

hi, thanks for the reply.

feel better after telling my friend. i would definately say i wouldnt have been able to tell her if i hadnt been on here. talking to people here made it alot easier.

i hope the eating disorder place can help. the girl im seeing recovered after 15 years so she will know what its like. it will be nice to talk to someone face to face who knows how i feel.

i cant really blame the people in work, they dont know. my friend didnt even know i still had issues with my weight! didnt realise i got so good at lying

willow:)

so tired today! didnt get any sleep at all last night. but in a positive mood today hope it lasts through work

work was sooooo long and ive been freezing cold all day

today has been a pretty good day though. feeling very relaxed

best day ive had in a long time

Slept for about an hour then woke again! Cant get back to sleep but im really tired
Getting sick of this! Might aswel get up and do some cleaning.

Hi hon

I have just been reading through your journal - it sounds like you have a lot on for you and a lot to cope with. Well done for making an appt with the ED charity - that sounds really positive. I know it will be tough but hopefully they can help.

Please take care of yourself and keep talking

Hugs

Cracked

hey

thank you for the reply.

theres quite a bit going on at the moment but im doing ok. my friend is coming round later for a chat. she also offered to go with me to the appointment if i need her to. think i might take her up on that.

thank you and hugs to you too

willow

Hi hon

I think having your friend go with you might be a really good idea. It can help make things seem less daunting and provide you with some support

Hugs

Cracked