HOCD or Gay Denial?

For the past 2 months I've been getting these intrusive thoughts which has made me question my sexuality. I'm an 18 year old male with a girlfriend. I love her to death and idk what to do. Some days I can't even concentrate in class, I lose interest in sports and working out. I always check and check and check all the time and I know I should stop but it's terrible. Things between me and my girlfriend havent been going so great lately and has frustrated me. My mind is now making me picture myself being with a guy when the 18 years all I've wanted is a wife and kids. Whatever this is, it's ripping me from the inside out. I've never had a crush on a guy before, I remember even picturing what my 3rd grade teacher's boobs looked like during class. I have many other obsessions too such as fear of illness, fear of losing a loved one. I took an OCD test before and it said if I scored a 12 or higher that it is very likely I have OCD. I scored a 25... When gay people realize, did they check themselves all the time too?? I read on the internet how some people realize theyre gay when theyre older and that frightened me too. It's on my mind 24/7. Please help me.

Thank You.

Hi Chandler

Your symptoms such as intrusive thoughts, compulsive checking, seem like typical OCD. Being gay is defined by as sexual arousal at the thought of being intimate with a person of the same sex. If you never had that, you are not gay. It is possible to realize you're gay even at 40, after being married and having had four kids; but these guys don't just "create" their homosexuality all of a sudden. They have always known on a subconscious level that they were actually gay and masturbated to that stuff and got off to it. If this has never happened to you appart from your checking, then there is no way you will just turn out gay all of a sudden. Sexuality in males is generally fixed at a young age (early teens). Males who discover they are gay after that don't really discover it; they aknowledge it, and have actually allways known.

When gay people realize, did they check themselves all the time too??

No.

If you were gay, you'd be genuinely excited about doing things to a man, and you'd be regularly masturbating to thoughts of men too. If you're not - then you're likely not gay. I own Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals by Ian Osbourn and it covers a guy who obsesses thoughts of anal sex with male co-workers and the steps he took to expose himself to those thoughts (I didn't look into the exposure of this mysekt as it wasn't pertinent to me - but I think the exposure listed for harm OCD and which was the same for sexual variants of OCD was to record a message on dictaphone of what bothers you in explicit detail and listen to it each day for an hour; it might be worth a shot). Other than that take part in sports where you have to take showers with other men and share a locker room with them (or just go swimming at your local pool). Do those things without an end goal in mind (so don't focus on "if I do this my OCD will be cured" - just do it without evaluating your reasons) over a long period of time and that may make you feel better.