Am i gay or do i have HOCD

Im 13 years old almost 14.
I've been strugling with this for a very long time, i know its hard to beleive bot i had the first thought of "am i gay" when i was 11 when i was watching a drama show on tv about some guy hiding his sexuality and thats when it all started, ive never been aroused by men, ive always masturbated to lesbian or solo porn. The nerest of gay thoughts ive had is "he is handsome" but i would never lay with a man, i find it disgusting and not natural. The anxiety is terrible, it always goes on in my head "im straight, but what if its inner feelings coming out Why wont my mind shut up" it would go on for most of the day, somehow my mind keeps on finding things to make me seem gay , i lose sleep sometimes.
To try and find answers and releive anxiety i would go on forums like this and see how other people go about this but its been going on for so long im starting to doubt whether or not im like these people whos struggle with HOCD.
I keep on feeling like im atracted to guys because of this anxiety.
Ive tried looking at gay porn but its hard to look at but i persist just to make sure im not getting aroused by it. I've allways fantised about girls and always wanted a girlfriend, ive had one we kissed and i got "excited" it was great and i couldnt stop thinking about it for awile but we broke up it didnt hit that hard as it was only a week long relationship. sometimes i even change the way i sit because i start thinking it feminine so i would change my position to releave anxiety
Someone help
Thankyou for reading sorry if this was all over the place, and if the speeling is bad

Yes, you're definitely a closet homosexual.

ANZ120 wrote: i find it disgusting

I had to raise an eyebrow there; I don't know if you're trying to overcompensate or if you really believe that. Still, it's not my place to judge anybody.

Nothing particularly strikes me that you're gay. I think perhaps you're curious, which is natural when you're young; you seem more obsessed with the fear of being gay (perhaps stemming from the TV drama) than any obvious signs of homosexuality. If you're not actually attracted to guys and gay pornography does nothing for you, the signs don't point to it.

Why do you let it eat you up so much? You've posted that you're attracted to girls, so just carry on with the current course.

Another post to add: I would ignore the person that commented directly below you; unfortunately their post history is rather telling and I suspect their time on this forum will be short-lived.