Obsessive thoughtpatterns have taken over my life

Allright. I guess that it is time for me to actually tell a bit about myself:
I am a 20 year old male living in Scandinavia. When I was a kid I was very insecure and had very low selfesteem. During my late teens (16-18) I got a serious depression that I sought help for but did not get the best treatment. Anyway during the last two years the depression has faded away and I've taken controll over my life and is now a topstudent at one of the most prestigous universities here in scandinavia, I have lots of friends and a wonderful girlfriend who I love above everything else in the world. A couple of month's ago I however started to panic about the fear of being a pedophile since I stumbled upon some pedonovels on the web. I read through them without knowing what they were about and since that I've been really ######6 scared.

Previously to the novels I have never noticed kids when I'm in town et c and I know that if I truly was a pedophile, I would not suffer from it. During my entire adolsence I have only had relationships with girls my own age and the thought about molesting kids disgusts me. Even though this, I got POCD. During the last few weeks the POCD was reduced but now it is hitting me again and I do not know what to do. The worst thing is that the POCD has changed into becoming fear of having anxiety for being a pedophile, which means that this OCD has changed perspective. Before the whole pedo-thing I have also had obessions with thoughts of receeding hairlines, fear of not complete my school and stress over a test we have here in scandinavia that is a way to get accepted to the better universities. The last thing was just like POCD the only thing I had on my mind for severall weeks.

When the thoughts and fears of being a pedophile is over, I will see a psychatrist. I do not want to live my life being scared of things and I'm tired of this. But I'm also really scared that this pedophile OCD won't go away. I really need help on the following topics:
* Is it possibly to treat it by yourself? Right now I am telling myself that it is just the OCD that talks back, but yet it does not cease.
* If I do go see a psychatrist, will they really treat me as a OCD-case or will they treat me for being a pedo, which I am not?

Please help me, beacuse right now I'm losing the will to live.

A psychiatrist or a therapist who is familiar with anxiety disorders should know the difference between pedophilia and POCD. If you're worried that the psychiatrist will think you're a criminal if you say you have obsessive thoughts about molesting children,...well, all I can say is that would be poor judgment by the psychiatrist.

In my country, a psych wouldn't disclose your private information or have you locked up unless you admitted that you had committed a terrible crime or that you intended to. What about yours? You should be able to trust your psychiatrist with your private thoughts as long as you haven't done anything bad about them, but you should always be sure you know your rights before entering a contract.

Hey zombieworld.

Me like you suffer greatly from POCD. It's a bitch. I know. My whole world and mood is upside down. I still can't accept i have it. But sometimes you can't accept things that you can't see? You need to have faith in yourself? It's all about doubt. And living with doubt buddy. You just have to live with it. CBT helps you to cope with anxiety and extreme doubt.

Like God, how can you accept him when you can't see him nor hear him. Only by what people have written. "The Bible" and experiences. Why do you think people have faith? Because they believe there is a greater good. An afterlife. Well, myself am unsure. i'm not a religious person. But, if people believe to religion then thats there way through life. There beliefs? They need to have faith in themselves?

Life is very different for me know and probably will always be. But, you cope with it. You have to think about it like battling cancer or battling a bully who makes your life a misery.

Firstly, the best thing to do is not to be so black and white with what a Pedophile is and is not. Even though it has black and white on wikipedia, mental health forums. etc. etc. It's not.

Pedophiles come in various forms in life. The extremely disturbed, "child molesters" and the ones who have the attraction but never act on it. They sometimes have families and sometimes don't. There married, sometimes not. The stigma is so cursed it's unreal. but hey ho. Such is life.

You will find that most Pedophiles are just like you and me, they enjoy life and go on with it. But dair not say what they are incase others hear and talk about them, treat them like animals. And it's a shame really because most of the time. The people give the ones who don't act on there urges bad names. And the truth is, they never will.

The point i'm getting across is that, because it has so much stigma on it. Is the reason why you feel so anxious and uncertain about what and who you are? Get my drift?

The thoughts, images and urges to ether test yourself or to do a horrible act is just a pit of you're true self saying this is not me. But it's a habitual compulsion to prove yourself right or wrong.

In a very grey term i believe.

If you are attracted to children, fair enough. You just know it. No bother about it. The only bother about it you'll have is what people may think of you. Get me?

If your sexual attracted to children, well then. This is a different ball game. You need to seek help or guidance if you feel you may act on your urges. Get me?

People with OCD care about being Pedophiles. People with Pedophilia don't have a problem with it but a problem with society treating them differently. No one wants to be an out cast? Would you?

Honestly, go and seek some medical advice and trained professionalism in OCD. You can't live your life in your head everyday. You can't believe how much you'll be missing.

All the best
-edwardsyes

Hi guys!
I guess that I must admit that I wrote this during what I call a seisure, that is when the OCD is acting up the worst. My POCD is actually starting to letting me go from it's grip. In the beginning this was the only thing I spent my wake time thinking about and it also hunted me in my sleep. During the recent weeks however it has start to losen up. It disapperace when I'm social with my friends a the university, when I watch a movie or when I listen to music. The time it really bothers me is when I'm alone but even that has started to go away. Right now I only spend about 15 minutes three times a day letting the OCD mess with my mind, otherwise it's quite silent actually. The only part of it that has not let go is the fact that I sometimes check myself when I see a kid but it's not like it's pure horror going to the store anymore. I believe that has to do with the following pinpoints:
1. I know that it is only OCD and that it's only thoughts. Since I know this and accept it it has also become alot less intimedating.
2. Even if I was a pedophile, so what? It's not like I would look at childporn, molest a child, read pedonovells. I have a good life and a good sexual life with my girlfriend that is more than satisfying. I also know that I'm not a pedophile in my rational mind since I do not think about kids sexually and I've also read how many pedophiles think, and therefor I know that I'm not one of them. These guys does not go around wondering about if they're really pedos or not, they are what they are. I believe that my OCD is mainly a reaction to the societies stigmata of pedophiles.

I'm starting to get well and the seizures with extreme anxienty and being afraid of going to the store has now started to fade. In a couple of months I probably will have cured my POCD and the next time the POCD changes perspective I will go see a psychologist, even though I can not afford one at the moment.

P.S please exuse my bad english

Twinkling _butterfly and edwardeyes have points. There are stages to all things, yet we focus on the worst.

We see media as truth when they blow things out of preportion.

Let's take fetishes. What people think of that creepy guy from the "X-files" who morphs into a demon and tries to touch hair, when most people who experience hair fetishes are stage one. The find hair very sexy, too. And that's it. I know, because I have stage one.

Hormones cause attractiveness. But, our minds conduct reason. Impulses do not define our lives. I would suggest, for ease of mind, going to see a psychologist. Psychologists take an oath of non-disclosure. Everything between you and the professional is secret. This person will help you understand what is going on.

Have you heard of AA? There are groups modeled after AA for verious emotional areas as well as alcohol and you might find something. Hope this helps