Confusion with obsessions I fear and impulses I desire?

A lot of times I have noticed with my obsessions that they can be so unbelievably convincing that I can't make a distinction between a feeling that i totally don't want to act on at all as opposed to an urge that i feel is real and desired, a conscious decision. Despite me knowing that the consequences of acting on the obsessions that I have will likely lead me into serious trouble, my OCD, the piece of crap it is, wants to make me feel as if the feelings regarding my obsessions are real and true to my morals and desires. So say for instance I am having a particular obsession about picking a fight or upsetting someone which I know will likely lead to me getting hurt, badly, or in a general situation that i really don't want to be in, my mind will try to make my obsessions seem like something I truly want to express by convincing me that the guy is a jerk or i need to do it and prove my physical dominance in society or whatever reason. Whatever the reason, the obsessions try to hide themselves in sheep's clothing, so to speak, as if acting on them is in my best interest. It used to be that I could very easily decipher between an obsession that wasn't the real me or had nothing in common with who i am normally, so then i'd easily be able to rationalize with it and move on, at this point though as my OCD over the years has assumed its dominance over me I have gotten to this point of total confusion and loss of confidence over my actions and thoughts where now I have a tough time reasoning with an obsession. I realize the consequences of my obsessions, if I were to act on them, but there is still this convincing temptation to act on them despite that. Honestly, I feel like I am under the control of someone else most of the time.

Hey OCDPOSSESSED - I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Your OCD tries to "convince" you that your thoughts are real, rational, and wanted. BUT, if you get anxiety from these thoughts, that's a sign that they are not yours and that they are unwanted. I'm on medicine now and let me tell you, it has helped me SO much. My obsessions are a little different than yours. They're a bit more violent and harm focused and they caused me MUCH anxiety because I would never hurt a fly. For instance, one of my common OCD "themes" is suicide. And I'm totally against suicide and I'm NOT at all a depressed person and that's probably why my OCD chose that as my theme, because it's something I wouldn't do. My OCD was trying to convince me that I was depressed and that I could and would do something like what I've heard other people doing. It was like my OCD was taking over me. And I was afraid that my OCD was going to cause me to do something stupid but now that I'm pretty much ok, I look back and I'm like, "I may not be in control of my thoughts, but I am in control of my actions and I make the decisions about what I will and will not do - my OCD can say whatever $#%^ it wants to, but it's not going to move my body for me". Just try to think about it like that. Just the fact that you're writing on here shows that you're not going to do anything. Plus, if you were going to do anything, you most likely would have done it already. You may not think so at the moment, but deep down, you know who you are and what kind of person you are. People with OCD are more in tune with their feelings than "normal" people so don't be afraid that you'll do something you don't want to. YOU WON'T.