New user non bizzare delusions PLEASE HELP!

Hello everyone, I am very new to this forum and to this disorder. Here is my history. I was diagnosed with OCD several months ago. I developed obsessions over turning homosexual, even though that was not likely, because I always liked girls and it couldnt be true. At first my obsessions over turning homosexual was rational, I knew I was straight and nothing can make me change my mind. Then I started to develop what felt like delusions. I started to think I was attracted to men, and the more I thought about it, the more real it felt. Every man I saw, I started to feel like I am attracted. I cant even tell the difference between what is real and what is not. It all feels the same to me now. It feels just so damn real. My OCD got worse. I had a dream where it felt so real that I was attracted to this man in the dream. It use to be thoughts only, it is now like this sensation, or feeling. I cant tell if its real or not!!! PLEASE help.. I want to commit suicide, because I cant tell if its fake, real or not.It has gotten so much worse. Is this non bizzare delusion disorder? Does anybody else feel like this? I have a relative who is diagnosed with non bizzare delusion disorder, she has delusions about contracting diseases...

Sounds like HOCD. Have a look around the forum. You're not alone. I know it's confusing because sexual arousal is an entirely subjective experience and people can be aroused by other things besides sexy thoughts, including fear.

As for your dreams, if it's any consolation, I once experienced a feeling like someone stroking my *ahem!* pleasure node while I dreamed of my teacher holding me, which freaked me out because I hate the thought of being sexually attracted to any of my teachers, and when I woke up ...a bedspring was pressing against my crotch. Maybe you won't find such a simple explanation for what you felt, but I'm just telling you that dreaming of sexual attraction doesn't indicate a real sexual attraction to the person (or beast or object, as the case may be) in the dream, no matter how real the physical aspect of the experience is.

Hi general,

It might comfort you to know that men, after a certain age, openly admit that other men, especially younger than them, are good looking. My father has done this, as well as my brother.

I believe you're distressed about a possibility of you becoming a homosexual that isn't really there, because you have always liked girls.

Perhaps, your obsession about sexual orientation is making you look at men very closely, and you are confusing man's nature to judge other men's visual characteristics with something sexual, which is totally not. This may be what is 'blurring' the lines for you, so to speak.

Please don't think of suicide because stuff like this is treatable, distressing--but treatable.

Here is the rule of thumb: if you are worried about becoming a homosexual, scared even, in fact--horrified--then you are not a homosexual, because they do not question in distress whether they are or not.

As for it being a delusion--I don't think that it is, because you have your insight and capacity to question, discern, etc. You are sharp. In a delusion, the person literally has a slip from reality, in which he or she cannot tell the difference, because of an inability or near inability to question reality. You, on the other hand, can reason... rationalize... etc.

I think you're okay.